My brother is a big violent idiot, but my parents push me to keep in touch, HELP!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daron,

My brother has always belittled me: on my body, on my mental health. For his part, he ticks “all the boxes” (home, girlfriend) and recently told me that he wanted to have a baby with his girlfriend for life. I admit that I was not thrilled and I made it feel.

Faced with the frenzy it caused, I ended up apologizing to something like, “Okay, ‘congratulations’ because that’s what I say in these cases. “

When we met again, his girlfriend was pregnant. He was hateful and ended up saying to me, “See, you said I was boring, and today I’m with my wife and we’re going to have a baby, while you’re all alone. “

He brandishes his fatherhood in my face as a victory and a success, but we know that today it is much easier to be a father than a mother. Besides, how is it a sign of success for him to reproduce and start a family?

This sentence hurt me deeply and I told him I refused to see him until he apologized. But he tells me he doesn’t even remember throwing it at me!

This estrangement hurts my parents a lot, they don’t see the problem and don’t understand that I can have a lot on my mind. Worse ! My brother blames it all on me because I’m the one who is the face when he’s the one who is hateful. Suddenly everyone urges me to talk to him again and act as if nothing had happened.

I really want your advice to be illuminated by a long rub of family life and people’s lives!

Thank you,

Laura

Daronne’s answer

My pretty hydrangea,

I have read your letter carefully, you will excuse me, as I could not publish it in its entirety, I had to summarize it. I know it doesn’t sound like that, but I’m subject to editorial requirements!

Come on, let’s go, I’m going to open my answer with a little cliché as we like them and that will not fail to reason in each of us:

We don’t choose our parents, we don’t choose our family.

Maxime Le Forestier, great contemporary philosopher

This family thing is the big lottery. It happens that you fall into a united tribe. But in general, you prefer to end up in a more or less dysfunctional big mess. That’s life. I don’t know who said this, as we squatted the same uterus decades ago, we have to get along, but in my opinion this person was completely wrong and did a lot in the process., VERY bad around her. As you say so well, good fellowship is often a fiction.

Paternity and feminism: this thorny topic

I haven’t written down all your very interesting thoughts on feminism and fatherhood, but I fully share your opinion on most Cismecs and their parenting. Quite often, the man who becomes a father takes it slow while his girlfriend gets busy. As if that weren’t enough, the boy comes to get everyone drunk with his so-called modernity, under the pretext of having changed a diaper once in his life.

It is unbearable. It is all the more unbearable if, like your brother, the boy comes to give you life lessons when you know that behind the scenes he is not managing your daily life. You will tell me that if he managed the daily routine, he would have much less time to resist, it would still be a shame.

Having said that, I have the impression that in your letter you try to justify the fact that your brother pulls you out of the holes of the nose and the reasons that lead you to despise his life choices. Now, not only is the real problem not there (there are many CF sisters who politely accept their brothers’ brats), but there is no need to make excuses on top of that.

We are among us my pumpkin, me, I don’t mind that you find your brother super lame. We’re still talking about a guy who hurt you a lot and who seems to take pleasure in crushing you. Or whoever tries to compensate for something. Or maybe both. I don’t know, it was you who wrote me, not him.

The shepherd’s answer to the shepherdess

Now let’s go back to your request for an apology from him. Finally, don’t you think this need for an excuse is a bit like the tree that hides a forest of deep grudges? I do.

I’m especially sorry to point out that in this very specific case his ugly cock is a bit like the shepherd’s response to the shepherdess. You openly criticized his life choice and gave him the most false excuse in the world ” Ok, “congratulations” because that’s what I mean in these cases. The fact that you throw some boogers in your face from behind is fair game.

But don’t make me say what I didn’t say! I don’t think you’re wrong to blame him, from what you tell me, you accumulate more files of Pôle Emploi before its digital transition.

I don’t know what your brother is trying to compensate for, or why he wants to crush you at all costs. I don’t even know if he doesn’t have a plethora of things to blame on his side, or a salty version of events like yours. But, as you said yourself: life has given me great wisdom. Well, that’s not quite what you said, but that’s how I decided to take it. So, let me tell you what I feel inside of me: this whole family circus needs to stop and you have to think about yourself, and only yourself.

Let go to move on in peace

Often, despite the desperate attempts of their loved ones, some people refuse to question themselves. It’s terribly painful and frustrating because it means you’ll never get the compensation you deserve. It is difficult to accept, but sadly it is common. In this case, rather than exhausting yourself from chasing signs of regret that will never come, it is better to take the bribe.

Stop seeing it if it makes you feel good. Sorry for your darons, but it’s too easy to make everyone feel guilty and ignore each other’s suffering for the benefit of your own self-interest. If they want to stick to your brother’s in-between view of life and don’t give a damn about blinders, because BAH IS MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE, too bad for them.

Right now no one in your family seems ready to give you what you need: recognition of your suffering, however legitimate. They may never be ready for it and you will have to learn to live with that idea. But living with this idea away from them will limit the damage considerably.

So, since you are asking my opinion, I think that not only do you have every right to cut ties with your brother, but that it will also do him good. And the fact that your parents don’t understand your decision doesn’t mean that this decision isn’t justified (DAI, it is!), Nor that you shouldn’t make it, for the good of all.

I leave you, I have to call my sister, I have things to tell her,

bisetta,

Your daronne

Photo credit image of one: evgenyatamanenko