A teenager complicated by my body, today I am a plus size model

My name is Camille, I’m 21 and after studying digital communication a year ago, I became a plus size model – I’m a size 44, which is XL.

I never considered being a model, but it is a job that I have idealized a lot. I envied the models I saw on social networks, telling me that they were very lucky to do this job and that I, I never could because I didn’t have the right weight, I didn’t have the right profile … In short, that I did not meet the necessary standards. My body has always been a complex to me, and I spent my teenage years thinking I was too fatbeing the only one who didn’t fit the norm in a group of very thin girls, constantly thinking about it.

However, when I was 18, a Parisian agency spotted me on Instagram. They contacted me to offer to represent me, I had a remote interview (Covid requires) and they signed me! The agency had never worked with people who weren’t the industry standard size and ultimately, this agreement did nothing. After a year and a half, I still didn’t have any books or passed any casting.

How I became a plus size model

This first step allowed me to gain self-confidence. My looks had never been appreciated, and I suddenly thought to myself “If it worked once, why not twice? “. Then (and still now) I followed the plus size model Leslie Sidora on social networks. I found the agency that represented her and I tried by contacting them.

This agency, located in the United States, replied that they would love to work with me, but first they referred me to another London company so that I could start developing my career in Europe. I was simply overexcited: my favorite model’s agency wanted to work with me! And at the same time, I was suspicious, wondering if all of this would lead somewhere.

A first violent experience

I was at the end of my second year of studies when this agency asked me to come spend a month in London trying to get started. I had nothing to represent myself apart from photos taken with my phone, so they planned several shots with photographers to build my portfolio. Shooting that I had to pay out of my own pocket as well as travel and accommodation, and it was a huge investment for me to have to put all my little savings into a month in London!

My first photo shoot was a big moment of doubt, e my worst experience: I ran into a photographer who was awful to me. It seemed that until now he had only worked with very thin models and made fun of my physique, the size of my arms. When I got out, I called my mom to tell him “Is this what I want to do with my life? Do I want to accept to be treated like that, to always receive this image of myself? “. I felt like I had nothing to do there.

I was still in London for a month, during which time I couldn’t find a job, and I returned full of doubts.

My first modeling job (and subsequent ones)

I resumed my studies the following year, until the day I received an email from my agent telling me that I could work on the campaign for the Fendi and Skims collaboration. It was the first time that I am contacted, and I was leaving for Rome, for a great brand! I have very fond memories of that first contract today: I felt treated like a princess.

But as soon as I got back, my studies resumed and for me the priority was to finish my degree. For a few months I have had no other opportunities.

That was when this campaign came out’people started taking me seriously when I talked about modeling. Until now, when I talked about it, the reactions were often mixed.

In France modeling is not a very popular job: we imagine that you just have to be beautiful, take pictures and go home, we assume that you have no skills. I’ve been told so often that I have to have a plan B, that I couldn’t do this job for a long time. Plus, plus size models aren’t common either.

But since I finished my studies a few months ago, I have launched myself and am officially a full-time model: I manage to make a living, travel, and create content on social networks from these experiences. I do what guides me and I am very happy with it.

Modeling is changing, but not that much

It is often said that things have changed in recent years, that the way we choose models and how we represent women has evolved: younger, I could never have imagined it to have my place in this environment.

However, in absolute terms, they haven’t changed much. Society is changing and people want to feel represented, so brands are forced to prove that they are more inclusive … But in the shots, most of the models remain white and very thin. In some campaigns there is a side “Attention”: we see next to four classic profiles and a more atypical profile. Why not take a model of every size instead, for example? This is proof that the industry still has difficult to abandon its standards.

When I get to shoot, I am most of the time the only plus size model. And for some customers You must meet well-defined criteria: ok you are plus sizes, but you have to be 1 meter and 80 to “compensate” your shapes, you are plus sizes, but you have to have a slim waist with chest and buttocks … This profile remains very anchored, and during my experiences, not I’ve ever worked with someone who didn’t fit. I know some ethical brands are trying to change the game and are eager to do differently.

In France this reluctance is particularly felt. Since I started working, I have done some castings in Paris while I was in London or Germany, I work every day. We still have this image of the very skinny, slender model with blue eyes, this very perfectionist view of fashion. Also, one of the largest Parisian agencies offered to work with her when she had never worked with plus size models, and told me she wanted me to be. “ a test “.

It’s not just the size, by the way: when I arrive on set with my afro, I’m always apprehensive when I know the hairdresser isn’t black. Because I know that textured hair is not in the hairdressing course program in France and that we often don’t know how to handle it. I dare not say anything when I see them doing their best, but I always end up going to the bathroom and doing my hair again.

Model work, between Instagram and reality

The modeling profession is highly idealized and ultimately rather little known. Before doing that, I imagined that I would wear amazing clothes that I would choose, collaborate with brands that made me dream … Reality is rather the inability to sit for a day so as not to wrinkle clothes, of a brand that in most cases means nothing special to me.

But besides not choosing what we wear, we don’t even choose how they show us. The image of yourself in the mirror and the image you see after taking the photos are very different things, and it’s a difficult part of the job for me. It is not because I am a model that there are no aspects of my physique that make me complex, that I am very focused on, and I have no control over how these aspects will be shown to the public.

It’s my job and I get paid for it, so I do it. But I think it is also important to be able to say that we have complexes, which is a position of vulnerability, sometimes reinforced by the fact of being treated as an object.

Coming home from a shooting and crying because I feel bad, it is also something that happens to me regularly in the course of my work. But this feeling is mitigated by knowing that I can represent other people: even if I don’t feel well, I know that my image as a “curvy” woman can it helps those who look like me to feel better, to feel appreciated where for a long time they have been mocked and invisible. Being well surrounded helps me a lot to get through all of this.

This is also why I started on TikTok, whyas a teenager, I wish I’d seen girls like me on social media (by the way, there aren’t many plus size influencers even today) and you hear about modeling underwear. There are a lot of things to know about this dream job and I want to share them!

Photo credit: provided by Camille Mbaye