My neighbor makes too much noise when she fucks, prevents me from working

Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice wrapped in a touch of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to save a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

My neighbor keeps knocking with the windows open during office hours. The difficult thing? It’s very, very expressive.

Help me, what do I do? What do I say ?

You kiss

Anna

Daronne’s answer

My little top,

I say this almost every week, hell is other people. Especially when others have decided to express their ardor with resounding vehemence. Also, let me add that with global warming, this kind of annoyance will tend to multiply (I’m a good vibes girl, we know).

Yes, we don’t think about it, but we should. It will be hot, we will open our windows even more often and since human beings are a big sack of hormones that nothing, never, under any circumstances, will dissuade from being the beast with two backs, the noises of coitus will make it resonate at all costs. , I tell you.

Respect is dead, long live respect!

This type of noise tends to really piss me off. Not because I condemn the antics, nor because I’m frustrated myself (well, maybe I am, or maybe not, but it’s all my business, and that’s where I want to go.)

But because in my opinion what happens in the bedroom only concerns those who have actively decided to go there. And then I find it difficult to tolerate incivility. If you scream like a skunk when you know your building is poorly insulated, you’re self-centered at best, you’re on the side of the force at worst, and as a reminder, exhibiting is punishable by law. Well, I’m old fashioned and at the same time I’m your darling, not your girlfriend.

Ok great, my take on the situation is very interesting, but it doesn’t tell you how to fix it at all, so here are some ideas to help you fix the problem.

Not embarrassing chatter

So it’s a great option. Not for you, for you it will just be super awkward, but for me, because only the imagination makes me laugh wildly. Gather your strength and knock on the neighbor’s door.

” Hi, you fuck really hard, it prevents me from working.”

” I hear, uh, some, uh, noises, coming from your bedroom, when I’m trying to work, so, uh, here it is ? “

»I understand that you like to cook … * gourmet wink … * And it’s a healthy occupation, I’m not saying. But when you make your ratatouille, I hear the zucchini browning in olive oil as if your hob is set up in my living room.. “

In short, as I tell you every time, the important thing is to com-mu-ni-quer my kisses.

And if it’s really too difficult, you can also slip a note under the door. Or a small drawing, if you feel like an artist.

The poster in the hall and other pettiness

Normally, at this point in the story, your neighbor has:

1. Lowered a tone
2. He closed his window
3. Room changed
4. She went to live her sex life with her partners and now it’s their neighbors’ problem and not yours anymore.

M.But sometimes people, how can I say this without being rude … Oh and heck, here it is, I say it openly, sometimes people are AGAINST. And when people are AGAINST, they think that everything is allowed, or they think that opening a window ajar instead of opening it wide allows soundproofingr.

If your neighbor, despite your cordial request, continues the crack-crack sessions at full volume, I authorize you to step up a step in meanness. A little note pinned in the lobby for all to see can do the trick.

Or not, recent events have already shown us that the girl was potentially born before respect and, seeing your little message, she might take flight and add slices of sonorous sperm (I don’t think this term means anything, but I think it sounds good. in the context.).

For great evils, great remedies, when such an escalation of noisy sexual ecstasy occurs, Google advises internet users to indulge themselves in screaming antics or throw a porn video at the bottom of balloons. I am mixed. On the one hand it is really worth considering the strong cathartic potential of the maneuver, on the other hand I doubt that there are only two of you living in this building and the idea is that both her and everyone hate, not you.

When it is too much, it is too much, the condom is full

We had a good laugh with the meanness between neighbors and unwittingly spiced up his sex life too, because in fact we wouldn’t suspect it that way, but it’s relaxing to let yourself go completely howling your pleasure at the moon like the wolf on a shirt. by Johnny Hallyday. However, the problem remains. And there are less fun solutions.

If your neighbor resists all attacks, you can contact his landlord or address the problem at a union meeting, because in my opinion you shouldn’t be the only one who is upset by this annoying noise. I read that some did not hesitate to call the carabinieri, it’s up to you. Meanwhile, noise-canceling headphones, earplugs, and coworking spaces are your friends.

Come on, I’ll leave you, I’ll build a cabin in the woods

The bisetta

Your daronne

Photo credit image of one: Motortion