Why does trying to please everyone lead to burnout?

We’ve all heard of the fight, flight, or freeze response, but there’s something else that’s much less talked about: complacency. Psychologists call this an open reaction: a person tries to soften the conflict at all costs, please others and keep the peace, even if he has to sacrifice himself. At first glance this may seem like an act of kindness, but in reality it is a survival strategy that can destroy self-esteem and relationships.

According to The Everygirl, the term fawning was first coined by psychologist Pete Walker. He explained that complacency develops during childhood as a response to stress and trauma. When a child realizes that expressing dissatisfaction is dangerous, he learns to suppress his emotions and accepts to avoid punishment or rejection. As an adult, this habit develops into a constant desire to be “comfortable” in relationships, friendships, and even work.

At first, complacency may seem like anxiety or compromise. For example, just to avoid conflict, you accept other people’s plans, give up your desires, apologize, even if you are not to blame. But over time, this leads to burnout and a feeling of losing yourself. Psychologist Ariel Schwartz explains: “What looks like dedication may actually be self-denial. Kindness comes from sincerity, arrogance comes from fear.”

Experts emphasize: Pleasing oneself is not the same as the usual desire to please. The main difference is that when he pleases a person, he does it not out of his own free will, but because he feels threatened. He doesn’t choose; The nervous system works automatically. This behavior is often found in people who grew up in an atmosphere of criticism or emotional pressure.

Psychotherapists recommend starting with awareness; by noticing when and under what conditions you start to soften the corners. Simple grounding techniques, deep breathing, or a brief pause before responding can help you regain control of the situation. The next step is to learn to express your feelings honestly, even in small steps.

The most important thing, experts say, is to show yourself the same kindness you usually show to others. Just because you’re not a good girl doesn’t make you a bad person. This is the path to healthy boundaries, trust, and authentic relationships where you are heard and seen for who you are.

By the way, autumn is now in full swing and most of us are familiar with the feeling of eternal fatigue during this period, but psychologists have figured out how to be happier and cope with seasonal blues. Read more here.

Source: People Talk