A friend gives a spanking to her son in front of me: how to react?

Daronne is the Queen of the Council not if against a large dose of more or less thin humor. Here he returned to fly to the help of a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

They are the full mother (most of the time) of two children aged between 4 and 6 years. Without being a fan of all the positive precepts, my husband and I are firmly against the punishment of body and old education.

Recently, I started organizing gambling dates with a friend who has a three -year -old boy. We saw ourselves and I already knew it was a bit “old school”. But everyone has their way of doing it, right? Except that the last time we went out “with the family”, I witnessed a scene that twisted me. Her baby was very excited, was stupid and, after several threats, blocked a spanking.

If I think that everyone has the right to raise their children as they wish, in my opinion it is body violence, intolerable. I know that these spanking are “rare” and that it is a loving and efficient mother in general, but I also know that the spanking is harmful and that nothing is “accepting” and does not help the child.

What to do?

Julia

Daronne’s answer

My little slide,

I must say that you put a sacred glue, but that this glue deserves to be placed. As you say so well, everyone is free to grow their child as they want. The border between what must really be avoided and what comes from Boomer’s opinion is fine. In the case of the spanking, however I think we all agree to agree on the fact that it is not a point of view. If only because a bodily punishment has been prohibited since 2019.

However, in France, information is struggling to pass. To tell you, I just came across an article published in 2023 in a very famous magazine (and whose name does not start with Fi). A psychologist considered as the magazine presupposes Oklm, who is shown that leaves exceptionally, does not matter. On the contrary, it allows the child to understand that we adults also have limits that should not be crossed.

I do not question this last point. It has happened to me several times to discourage Cosmos against my children and believe me, it was not cute to see. Having said that, none of these crises characteristic of exhausted mothers has never included punishment or bullying. In my opinion there are no points of any return to never exceed. Physical involvement is one.

Many parents believe, unfortunately, that abandoning physical violence is to abandon any educational firmness and see its home reduced to ash by short panties (a clothing of the 50 clothes, perfectly suitable for this mentality). I must say that the public debate does not hurry to deny the myth. It is still fun to discuss Lead to evaluate the rate of violence of a washing of the hands imposed.

The interest of minors always prevails of comfort

On Reddit and other forums, others of you have already wondered if they should cut the bridges or not with a knowledge that gives spanking. The unanimous answer is always: yes.

And I’ll tell you, I disgust me a little. Ghoster the attacker without the slightest complacency, it is true that it is the impression of respecting his personal values. Having said that, the child always receives intuitions, his family is simply even more isolated than before.

I repeat it to all of you: reciting correctly is even more unpleasant than a heat wave during the menstrual period. I don’t think, despite my posture as a moral mother, I would also like to look away when I assist a reproven act. But, sorry, between our adult comfort and the safety of a minor in danger, it is systematically the safety of the minor who prevails (even if it has not been a minor for a long time, but it is another topic).

This is not good news for you. The conversation will be painful and objectively, the risks that this ends with the definitive dispute are far from nothing, even if I try to guide you in the best possible way. The next time we offer you a collective trip, we agree that you will think twice before accepting.

How to deal with the topic?

To discuss it around me, I know that some would not hesitate to confront their mother on the spot. Our children and his assistant on the scene deserves to be clear and lay the foundations, but personally I would be afraid of getting things. For example, that the mother turns and isolates, or worse, who wants her son to have put him in this situation. Because if people, even parents, listened to their brain rather than their courage, would be known.

Personally, I invite you first not to put away this mother and son. On the contrary, whether it is simply old school or dysfunction, fun outputs in a benevolent environment cannot only do well to the duo.

Parallel, invite it to a Tête-à-tête evening. If I believe in my experience, when two Mamounes meet between adults, they always end (but always) evoking their life as a mother and engaging in their daily challenges. It is time to derive gently, but certainly towards the topic that interests us. You could start by entrusting some difficulties that you encounter daily, linked to the theme. By sharing your problems before evoking his, thus avoid the inquisitive posture of the perfect mother that we all want to skate.

The idea, you will have understood, because I am thin as a 6 year old boy who is about to ask you something he knows he does not have the right, is to find the opportunity to approach the topic in a natural way. She is your friend, you know her, take advantage of it.

Once “I want to take advantage of it to talk about something that made me uncomfortable”, your girlfriend will be mortified, upset or disappointed. But what matters, in essence is that it can open the discussion and that you can share your concern. It is possible that your friend refuses to approach the topic or to question his practices. It is also possible that on the contrary, take this opportunity to request your help and your advice.

And after bursting the abscess?

Once the abscess is exhausted, different options are available depending on your friend’s response. If she is motivated to question yourself, I count on you to send her all the resources that can help her (she and the coparer if there are, there are no reasons). Otherwise, the choice belongs to you. You can decide to preserve yourself and preserve your children from this person. You can also decide to maintain contact to make sure the situation does not degenerate. If the relationships are lent there, you can also invite the baby at home when you feel that her mother is particularly tense and would need a few hours of pause so as not to turn.

If you decide or decide to cut the link, you can still consider the recruitment of contacts with you in a few months, see where it is. And, of course, in doubt, he won your phone (because I live in 1998) and composing 119.

I leave you, I go to my Kravmaga session,

The bisect,

Ta daronne