Baby Test: the phrase that annoys all women

For a long time, I didn’t want children. And then one day, I wanted to become a mother. I spoke to my partner. A little surprised by this turnaround, he offered to give us time to reflect. For him, he allowed him to decide whether he felt ready or not and for me, to make sure that this sudden desire was real and not the fruit of social pressure.

Once the time has passed for reflection, it was clear to me that this desire for a child was strongly anchored. I felt it at the bottom of my courage, I could not ignore it.

Stop contraception to try to have a child

We agree with my partner and stopped my contraception. I was in Copper Iud for many years and, naively, I thought that after a few months, since my body had not had a hormonal treatment, it would be nice, a child would nidified in my belly.

Equally naive, I told myself that the plethora of activities in which I was involved would allow me not to do an obsession.

The first months of tests were placed under the sign of inattention. I simply saw the signs that my body sent me. This is how I discovered, with my great displeasure, that premenstrual symptoms were often identical to those of a pregnancy.

Six months of emotional Russian tests and mountains

After 6 months of testing, inattention was a distant memory. My activities have no longer brought me the derivative I needed. I consulted my gynecologist for the first time. Despite his reassuring tone – 6 months, it was too early to worry – I entered a cycle of anxiety, hope and depression.

Every month, each cycle was the beginning of a real emotional Russian mountain. There was hope, the hope that this time she worked because I had no stress, I rested well, I paid attention to what I eat, so there is no reason, right?

So the depression, with the arrival of the rules, which seem to be ridiculous to me every time, remembering how desperately my belly empties. And finally the anxiety of being sterile, of having taken it too late, anxiety never knows the joy of being a mother. So again hopes. And so on.

My desire for a child has become an obsession and suffering

The months continued to parade. The one -year milestone milestone has been crossed, not without crying. My desire for a child has become an obsession. Suffering.

While I had always told myself that I would not have done like these women who sift forums and websites to try to find answers to their questions and a remedy for their anxieties, I spent hours, like them, trying to interpret the slightest symptom.

Like them, I discovered how much the wait for the positive test could, precisely, weigh on the nerves. How much this wait could shake a balance that we thought was acquired, solid.

Fortunately, my partner remains a rock in this Russian mountain. Understanding, always present when I depicted, reassuring me when I anxious. He does not judge me and helps me to re -enter, get on the slope.

“Think more, he will come alone”

This is not the case of all my loved ones. Among those I entrusted to the infinite expectation of this desired child and the dense in which he immersed me, most of them replied about the same thing that we can summarize in this sentence: “Think more, it will come alone!”

Don’t think about it, when each cycle is there to warn failure well? Don’t think about it, when, after a year of test, do we start medical exams to try to understand what doesn’t work? Don’t think about it when, on a daily basis, I regularly run into pregnant women and pregnancy ads rains around me?

This small sentence, said with all the best will in the world, is however full of pernicious guilt. It implies that if I don’t have this child yet, it’s my fault.

I already feel incorrectly like this – and once again, my gratitude for my wonderful companion who, when he feels to confess this feeling of guilt, corrects me gently, remembering me that the problem can come from him, if he really is there.

I would have liked to be warned that the wait could be long

This small murderous phrase even comes from friends who have also known also the horrors of waiting. A year and a half, two years, even five years … they also met this long way for the child so desired.

However, nobody told me what they had tried during this long wait. Nobody spoke to me about the anxieties, questions or doubts that may have insured them. They are satisfied with this “no longer thinks, it will come alone, it worked for me”. Without anything else.

If I had to go back, when I stopped my contraception, I would have liked to be warned that the wait could be long, even without particular medical problems. I would have liked to say that no, if it doesn’t work, it’s not my fault.

And above all, I would have liked to say that no, that I wanted to scream and cry every time I see a pregnant woman or a child, who does not make me a little bit of unbalanced or hysterical.

The feeling of being alone and misunderstood

I would have liked that one of my friends told me that she also knew everything. Because the worst, in this wait, so little evoked – except for this famous phrase “do not think about it too much, it will come alone” – it is the feeling of being alone, misunderstood.

Despite everything, despite the return every month of my rules and tears that invariably accompany them, despite the anxiety of being sterile, I persisted hoping that one day it will be my turn to be a mother. And above all, I hope this day is close. And to all those who look at their + in the pregnancy test, to all those who see the months parade without the shadow of an embryo, I want to tell him: you are not alone.

Did this testimony touch you? Have you also waited long before you were pregnant? Come and share your experience in the comments …