I dream of cheating on my boyfriend, what does it mean? Help!

Daronne is the queen of not-so-dumb advice covered with a more or less subtle touch of humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have been with my boyfriend for several years even though we don’t live under the same roof.

For several nights I have had a recurring dream, pleasant but annoying.

In this dream I meet the love of my life who, here’s the problem, is not my boyfriend. A dream body, but also the total absence of my boyfriend’s defects (distance, coldness in bed, etc.).

To his credit, in the dream I am also in great shape, young, and money is not an issue. In my dream the intensity of love is that of the first days (and it is no longer).

I won’t tell you how I felt when I woke up. Luckily we don’t live under the same roof because I’m torn between an intense sense of guilt and the desire to return to this dream.

Should I go to a psychologist who will charge me 200 euros to tell me that it is normal to have regrets when you get older, but that you should be satisfied with what you have? Get lobotomized to stop thinking?

What do you think, dear Daronne?

PS: Talking to my boyfriend is impossible, my darling is jealous and has no self-confidence. Raising the topic would lead to the response: “so you want to leave me, stop!” »

Anonymous

Daronne’s response

My little seaweed treat,

Do dreams really mean what they seem to mean? I don’t know, otherwise it would mean that I really want to sleep with Nicolas Sarkozy and this, let me highly doubt it. Even on a very, very subconscious level, I honestly think I’d rather die.

Dreams are just strange hallucinations

If you knew how many times I dreamed that I was cheating on the daron, that I was leaving the daron, that I no longer loved the daron, even though this idea never crosses my mind on a daily basis. Or so little.

Recently I also dreamed of having a relationship with the singer Garou (an artist who actually has the same effect on me as a slice of loaf of bread) and in my dream this union made me crazy with happiness.

When I woke up I was a little lost: why not feel like this every day, 24 hours a day, with my husband? Should I get a ticket to Quebec? And why in my dream Garou had brown eyes and the face of my grade 3 physical education teacher^And ? So many questions…

Luckily, I can laugh about it with the Daron himself. It even became a joke between us: which unlikely person will I dream of this time? And he himself does not hesitate to tell me about his erotic adventures with women and men who are not me. We know that “it doesn’t mean anything”. At least when everything goes well. I will return to this in my next paragraph.

Obviously I don’t want to say that dreams have no meaning, today we know that they serve to digest and order past events. But we also know that a dream doesn’t necessarily have the meaning we think it has. I know, it’s meta.

For example, when you dream of a great romance with a new guy, your brain might simply relive the apple you ate for lunch, symbolized by that guy’s red pants. Oh yeah. Freud could explain all this to you better than I can. Unfortunately Freud is dead. It’s a shame.

It’s sad to resign yourself to waking life

But… something worries me about your letter. And this is not your dream, but what follows. In your relationship it doesn’t really seem like you’re dancing the carmagnole, right?

In your advice you consider two solutions that would allow you to continue to make do with what you have, very wisely. As if the only solution was to resign oneself to leading one’s current life, as it is, whatever happens. What if there was a third solution?

A solution where you wouldn’t magically become young and rich (if I knew how to do this kind of thing, don’t worry, I wouldn’t answer your relationship riddles complicated earn a living), but where could you still find fulfillment?

What change you need, I don't know. Maybe you don't know anything about it either and that a psychologist, who won't cost you 200 euros, will be able to help you. I don't know where you live, but even if it means spending a few weeks/months on a waiting list, you can probably find a reimbursed, or partially reimbursed, mental health professional who will help you get through it.

It's normal to dream of lost youth, and to grind your teeth and your heart when you realize that your existence is not what you dreamed of, but you must not let "it's normal, life is shit anyway" serve as an excuse to make it worse toxic situations.

Because you know what, just because of your boyfriend's likely reaction if you told him about it, I want to tell you:

My little shrew, there are things that need to change in your daily life

I don't know if your boyfriend is genuinely jealous and sensitive, and that in his little boy head he sincerely repeats that suffering hard exempts him from the slightest question for life, or if he is just a little opportunistic manipulator of my two.

But listen to me carefully (Ok read me carefully): neither jealousy nor self-confidence justify not letting the person you love express themselves. So deal with it, for both your sakes. Of course he will reply with “ Yes yes yes anyway I'm a loser who does everything crap " and more " boouuhouuu you don't love me anymore boouhbooouh. » but don't be fooled.

It's a safe bet that if he sees that you don't give up, he will eventually agree to listen to you. And if it's not, well maybe he was right after all, and you'll end up leaving him. But if it happens, it won't be because you thought you were Madame Bovary.

Even if the dream life of your dreams doesn't exist, you still have the right to happiness alone, or in a relationship with a partner who doesn't weigh you down. And who will love you even if you are not so young anymore and carry kilos of baggage with you. Like all of us.

Well, you see, in the end, that's also what WTF dreams can be for: making us question reality.

With this I leave you, I'm going to take a nap, I hope I don't joke with Kate Middleton again, I swear I'm starting to get tired.

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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