Chronicle of a mother: I stopped forcing my children to go out

Should you force your children/teens to go out? This is a question I have often asked myself in recent months. Finally, relieved to hear them sigh, then groan during the walk, I gave up.

This post is taken from the weekly newsletter “Le Balagan” by our editor-in-chief Candice Satara. Candice is the mother of four boys ages 2 to 12. To receive it you can sign up for free here.

Every weekend it’s the same refrain. I say with enthusiasm: “ Come on, let’s go out, are you getting ready?» “Naan, we won’t go out “. My older children (ages 10 and 12) are reluctant to set foot outside. They want to stay home, go out or play video games. I push them to see friends, but they aren’t even motivated for it. I feel like at their age I was always out with friends, running to the clothing stores near my house. But my children are not there, they are both and they don’t need anyone. It bothers me, you can’t know.

Sometimes I try to attract them

“Let’s go have a nice snack somewhere. ” NOTHING. Sometimes I force them to put on jogging pants and 45 minutes later we’re all out. Did you notice how long it took for the starting signal to start? “Come on, we’re not here anymore. » and the moment we actually walk through the door, when we have several children. An infinitely long time which is disheartening, especially when, once we finally emerge from our den, we get drops of water. No, it’s not raining, I convince myself, and there we are, all 6 of us, pounding the pavement in a row.

“Where are we going?” – “We are walking!”. Yesterday an old man approached me on the street: “It’s all yours?” I nodded and replied “Even him? » pointing to his father. Well, I was proud too, I admit. It’s fun, but if there’s an area where I don’t have the The impostor syndrome is in fact that of motherhood.

Objectively, I know that dragging my boys to the park to watch their brothers climb a slide, It's not the funniest thing in the world.

However, they play fair, push them on the swing, collect pieces of wood and barely ask for candy. I tell myself, every time, like thisOne day they won't accept it anymore. So, for some time now, I have left them more alone, I understand their desire for independence and privacy, this systematically closed (slammed?) bedroom door makes me sadBut I accept that they are emancipatedeven at the expense of our complicity.

I stop forcing them

Now, when 6 of us go out, it's because we have an activity planned. We went to an exhibition last week. At 1pm that Saturday, sunk into my sofa, I suddenly got up: “Shit, we have to do something "I said. And I booked this museum. As often happens, we spent more time in the attached shop than in the exhibition. As usual I couldn't resist buying books. “They're books, okay…» It's hard to resist a child asking for a book, right? “Rhoo, poor guy has nothing left to read. » When we leave the grown-ups at home, I warn them, you will be bored! I cut off access to the TV and Wi-Fi. I accept that they don't come with us, but it's not to sit in front of screens.

Like young-old parents

So we'll take a walk on our side with the twins, like young-elderly parents. The little ones are not surprised by anything, a scoop of ice cream, an excavator, a fire truck, a dented playground. Last Sunday someone asked me to take the bus, yes, the bus. The same goes for children living in big cities. So we took the bus and that made them happy. For a few hours it was as if we only had 2 children. We wander around Paris, 10 years earlier we did the same thing with the other 2. An eternal starting over. I often wonder what our lives would be like if we hadn't had twins. Will we really get bored? Will we both benefit from it? That's right, what do people who have grown children who snub them do?

Do you like our articles? You'll love our podcasts. All our series, urgently listen to here.