Do you suffer from FOPO? (Not to be confused with FOMO)

After FOMO, which has made the rounds in the press and social networks, it is up to the UFPO to talk about it. If only one letter separates these two psychological disorders, there is actually a gap in their meaning. FOMO refers to “fear of losing” (Fear of losing). THE UPOPOfor its part, it refers to “fear of the opinions of others” (Fear of people’s opinion). It was the psychologist Michael Gervais who highlighted this “syndrome” in his work “The first rule of Mastery: stop worrying about what people think of you”. We’ll explain exactly what it consists of.

What is UPOP?

In these 224 pages dedicated to the topic, the author provides us with a detailed definition. With our colleagues at Huff Postexplains that UFOP is “above all an anticipatory mechanism that we use, (…) a preventive process for increase our acceptance in the eyes of others and let usavoid rejection. » It is therefore not surprising that the fear of the opinions of others is itself motivated by another fear: fear of rejection.

UPOP includes all acts and behaviors adopted «to avoid appearing stupid in front of other people or (…) to avoid potential rejection by a group. »

This disorder is obviously particularly present in the phases of existence in which identity is fragile, in full construction, not quite completed, and where the influence of others is growing; like during adolescence. But what the psychologist tells us is that it can affect anyone, big or small, adult or child, at any stage of their life.

If it is normal to want to be accepted in the social group to which we belong or in the society in which we live, this desire becomes unhealthy when we begin to grant disproportionate importance to the opinions of others to the detriment of our own, when we focus on others’ thoughts and feelings towards us rather than our own feelings; when the gaze of others ruins our life and the need to belong ends up taking on the manifestations we are about to describe to you.

How does UPOPO manifest itself?

The UFOP” it is mainly characterized by hypervigilance and social reactivity. » This is how those who suffer from it end up “analyze his world to gain his approval. » It is especially in the context of social interaction that this UPOP is expressed most evidently, since the individual is directly confronted with the opinion of the other. The slightest action of the interlocutor will therefore be overanalysed, overinterpreted, before the interaction, during and downstream. According to Michael Gervais we recognize UPOP because it manifests itself in three phases: the anticipation phase; the so-called “control” verification phase; and the so-called adaptation response phase.

• The anticipation phase is characterized by countless thoughts and feelings that run through your mind before going to a social event or having an interaction with others.

• The control phase it is characterized by greater analysis of the interlocutor’s words, tone of voice, behavior and facial expressions; in short, from an in-depth analysis of every element of the latter’s verbal and body language. Rather than being genuinely interested in what he may say and/or feel, you’re obsessed with the image you project, being OK in the eyes of others. You are focused on yourself rather than on it. An explicit sign of this phase of overanalysis: you’ve just met a person, only you’re so obsessed with the image you project that within minutes of them introducing themselves, you’ve already forgotten their name.

• The response phase it is about the behavioral reaction you will adopt to the signals that the interlocutor has demonstrated. “If you feel like you might be rejected or looked down upon… what people end up doing is changing their behavior in a way that allows them to be included.” » An example of behavioral adaptation carried out by UFPO could be laughing at jokes that you don’t find funny.

Obviously, this fear of the opinions of others has an impact on the health of the person concerned: it adds a considerable mental load, which results in mental and physical fatigue. “This anticipation phase and this control phase are exhausting. They are very tiring. You become an expensive organization to run,” deplores the psychologist.

Why do we suffer from FOPO?

Man is a social animal: he needs to live in society to be happy and healthy. The psychologist explains that this need has very ancient origins: back then human beings associated security with social belonging. If he didn’t fit the mold of the tribe he belonged to, he was rejected and it was difficult for him to survive alone in the desert.

Regardless of whether it is a question of life or death, or a vital necessity, man cannot escape it:

“We live in relationships, we live in communities…we’re always interacting with other people, so it’s hard not to worry about what people think,” says a psychologist and family therapist.

Huff Post

UFOP is a exacerbated expression of this desire to be accepted by one’s peers.

Moreover, if UPOP thrives today, it is also because the normal sociological mechanisms are accentuated by the technological progress of our societies, and in particular by social networks. The latter show a perfect and idealized reality of the other, to which we are tirelessly called to compare ourselves, which ends up complicating us and pushing us to pay excessive attention to the ultimately projected image. Likes, comments, friend requests, put external validation of oneself on a pedestal.

Signs that you have FOPO

• You check your phone to appear important or busy.
• Drink at a party or evening even if you don’t really feel like it.
• Do you feel anxious when ordering from a cafe, bakery, etc. to make sure you do things right and don’t grow a tail behind you.
• You’re pretending you’ve seen a movie you’ve never actually seen.

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