“I found myself in dangerous situations”: Lucie, former social worker who works with perpetrators of domestic violence

At the end of the 2019 Grenelle meeting on domestic violence, the government announced the creation of support centers for perpetrators of domestic violence (CPCA) to prevent violence within couples. In these facilities, social workers assess, monitor, and try to hold accountable men who rape their partners. This responsible work, which highlights sexist and sexual violence, can change the interpretation of those who practice it… and interact with their experience as women evolving in a patriarchal society.

Lucia is one of these. For to misshe tells how, over the months, he has seen his work with the perpetrators of violence and his vision of men intertwined.

“I wanted to address the heart of the problem: take action”

“After having worked for some time with victims of domestic violence, I wanted to address the perpetrators of this violence. Victims too often were stuck in a reproductive pattern and regularly returned to the men who violated them I wanted to address the heart of the problem: take action. It was exciting, we were about to test an innovative project, initiated by the government, through the creation of treatment centers for perpetrators of domestic violence. At the center, my daily life consisted of carrying out system entry assessments, holding accountability and awareness training, and doing interviews in the detention center. Sometimes we saw female profiles arriving but the vast majority were men.

It was a very rewarding job where I felt deeply useful, but where violence was obviously omnipresent. Eight hours a day I had to deal with guys who said horrible things about women, I regularly received disrespect, and I sometimes found myself in dangerous situations. When I went to interview the boys in detention, I took courage because one time in three they refused to speak to a woman. One day in the visiting room an inmate got angry: he got up, shouted at me and blocked me, until a guard intervened. I was really scared, but when I returned to the association I was told that I had no choice but to return the following week to finish the interview.

“I was torn between constant hypervigilance and nurse syndrome”

The stories I heard, the violent behaviors I saw, and the verbal violence I witnessed on a daily basis gradually took root in me. to the point of disgust with men. I could no longer consider a heterosexual relationship healthy, and I began to see everything through the prism of violence. I was overexcited, I overinterpreted everything that was happening in my relationship, to the point of considering myself a victim when, in retrospect, that wasn’t the case.

When I broke up with my ex and started dating again, I was torn between this constant hypervigilance and nurse syndrome. This approach to finding the best in men has gone to my head and I started treating the guys I dated like the guys I followed to the center. I thought that with my knowledge anything was possible, I wanted to save them and eradicate their violent behavior, so I hung out with problem kids. This is how I found myself in anxious situations, like this evening when a boy I was dating was with his whole group of friends and where, completely drugged, they started touching me without my consent and without my being able to defend myself. What I had forgotten was that outside of my job I was no longer protected.

After two years I left the center: it is exciting but also tiring care work, because it is heavy and expensive in terms of energy. In the evening I continued to think and talk about work, and kept my phone on in case I needed to urgently move an author. During this period I went through several phases, but it was in my new job that I found balance and lightness. I intend to return to work on gender equality systems but in a more distant way, behind a desk, where my experience with authors will be useful to me. »

*The name has been changed.

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