“I have to be blameless, everything rests on my shoulders”: in the life of Lila, single mother of two children

“My name is Lila and in two months I will be forty. I have two daughters aged 7 and almost 13, who I have raised alone since my first daughter was 18 months old. My second child was conceived with a male father, while my professional situation seemed stable, reliable and economically relevant. I did it out of the desire to expand my family, but with the fear of ultimately trusting another irresponsible man.

I was a communications project manager at the time and was sidelined during my pregnancy.

Being a single mother and experiencing financial insecurity

Today I have been working full time for a CAF in Poitou-Charentes for more than 5 years. It’s a food work, with hours compatible with my life as a single mother. The salary is mediocre and the work is not complicated, considering my background, except on a psychological level. I must endure, for the most part, human and family misery, without judgment and with kindness. Nothing to do with my 10 years of marketing-advertising-communications that I did before this new life made of sacrifices and compromises.

Now let’s count everything. And sometimes we forget that we are not Croesus, and we collapse and spend. It’s always for my children, almost never for me.

The father of the firstborn pays a minimum pension and has not seen his son since January 2020. But he has money! Very. But he deceives the tax authorities and becomes insolvent. This is not an isolated case unfortunately.

Before this job I knew the RSAs, I knew the mixed family, the precarious jobs. Today I consider myself wealthy and am paid below minimum wage. In my job we are not civil servants and have pay scales that do not increase despite inflation. But the luck I have is that it is paid over 14 months, with job security. But alone with two children is not enough.

Lack of state support for single mothers

I perceive family allowances for two children : family support allowance for the youngest and supplement for the oldest. I also receive housing allowance, but it is minimal, because I live 10 km from my workplace. So I have few real costs to report, and the housing benefit caps are ridiculous.

I receive very little Activity Bonus, less than a family of four, with two children and two parents working at minimum wage. I currently receive an average of 75 euros in activity bonuses while two minimum wage workers receive almost 300 euros in addition to their salary and child support.

Basically, every month, including allowances – including housing allowances – I receive less than 1900 euros to support three people. I have to pay rent, canteens, nursery schools, nursery schools, because after the age of six there is no more childcare help. Added to this are current expenses, insurance, unreimbursed healthcare, children’s free time and sports, the management and administration of the house in addition to my job. Alone.

From a financial point of view, I think that single families should not have alimony and allowances taken into account when calculating the activity bonus.

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The lack of relay

I’m exhausted, because I have no relay. I can’t find a babysitter, it’s too expensive for me. As for my family, they live 400 km away and cannot help me. The months are tight, we rent council houses in a middle-class village and the children don’t necessarily understand the budget restrictions compared to their friends.

I instill in them values ​​that are close to my heart and that are not based on financial success. But I have to be blameless. Everything rests on my shoulders.

From a financial point of view, I think that single families should not have alimony and allowances taken into account when calculating the activity bonus. Alimony should not be counted in taxes, although the obligor parent can deduct it from his or her resources without assuming the role of parent. I remind you that I work in an organization where I deal with this every day and the rules are not fair.

If the State does not have to replace defaulting parents, it cannot punish and complicate the lives of the women they represent 84% of single-parent families.

Being an isolated single mother

This life is complicated and I can’t share it with a partner, because I don’t have time to dedicate to others. Or in any case not at the same time as that of a separated family in shared custody, or with a supporting family. I’m not the only one in this situation and it isolates us. It’s the same thing as having a friendly circle, it’s non-existent! Because we don’t have time to chat and build non-superficial relationships! Time is running out, the program is military.

Sure, I know a lot of people, but I can’t count on anyone and build deep relationships with anyone. Single mother is creepy! We feel strong and vulnerable, struggling and fragile, illegitimate, exhausted, proud, but not truly supported or supported.

Strength and honor to all families. »

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