What you need to know if you’re planning to marry a Chinese man

The length of Russia’s border with China is a huge 4,209.3 km, but we still know very little about our neighbor. Rich culture, successes in business and the space industry make the country attractive for Russian tourists. And of course, as relationships strengthen, questions arise about starting your own business in China, moving to or marrying a Chinese man. There are not many ethnic Chinese in our country (about 350-400 thousand people), so we have almost no experience in communicating with them. Such an interest may arise against the background of love for Chinese TV series, so we will tell you how the institution of marriage actually stood in the Middle Kingdom.

We wrote more about friendships and romantic relationships in China here.

Why don’t Chinese girls dream of marriage?

Due to the “one family, one child” policy, men live 22 million more than women in China. Therefore, the government encourages Chinese women to marry and have children to correct their mistakes and eliminate gender imbalance.

Girls over the age of 26 who have never been married are called “sheng nu”, which means “now a woman”. They face strong pressure from society, which imposes feelings of guilt on them. According to statistics, only 10% of children in China today are born out of wedlock. Where do such surprising statistics come from?

Due to the “famine”, young Chinese women have become more selective in choosing partners: they pay more and more attention to status and financial capabilities. But there is another reason. Chinese women are virtually defenseless against domestic violence. The state is reluctant to divorce married couples because it distorts the “table.” According to the All China Women’s Federation, only 7% of victims seek help after being subjected to violence 35 times. In addition to being judged by their neighbors, women are also afraid of ruining their children’s lives; because any government agency can refuse to work due to the criminal record of the parents.

In China, it is not possible to end a marriage on the first application. Couples who file for divorce are given 30 days to think about the issue. And if the man does not agree, he will have to go through bureaucratic hell to collect all the documents and persuade the state to divorce you. This will take at least a year and a half, and during this time the woman will have to solve the housing problem, raise children and at the same time endure her husband’s bullying.

It is worth mentioning that 41 percent of women in China work. At the same time, most Chinese women are well educated and even occupy leadership positions, but they remain unprotected in the personal sphere. Given how the law protects property acquired before marriage, it is unlikely that gold diggers will enrich themselves by marrying a Chinese billionaire. Moreover, most Chinese people hide their income. That’s why there aren’t many Cinderellas among Chinese women; It is much easier for them to get rich at work than in marriage. It is important for foreigners who want to marry a Chinese man for love or convenience to know these and other nuances.

What Russian girls need to know about marriage with a Chinese man

Many Russian men see Chinese women as ideal candidates for the wife role due to their tolerance, and women are attracted to Chinese for their hard work, loyalty and financial situation. This doesn’t mean that stereotypes aren’t true at all; but it stems from the very real perception that it is easy to fall into this trap.

Confucianism greatly influenced ideals of behavior and beauty in China. For a man to be androgynous can make it seem as if he would never lay a hand on his wife or say a harsh word. Although the Chinese love to drink just like the Russians. The emotional behavior of Chinese women can turn into a culture shock for Russians, too. Girls can really “go off the deep end” in an argument or work things out by acting shockingly in public.

When communicating with foreigners, the Chinese are friendly and welcoming, but at the same time closed. There is partly a similarity in mentality, except for the fact that a foreigner will never belong to China. Even if you have been living in the country for a long time, they will make you feel like you are a stranger here. For example, in kindergartens and schools, children will still be treated as laowai (foreigners). It is almost impossible to find a job in the public sector.

In relations, Russians and Chinese are oriented towards the traditional family model, so there will be no special disagreements on the distribution of responsibilities.

True, before marriage it is worth knowing that the Chinese have a distinction: relationships for love, relationships for sex and relationships for having children. And often these parameters do not coincide, so this point needs to be resolved in advance.