Dear Charlotte: I like masturbating in front of the mirror, am I a narcissistic nymphomaniac?

Once a week, Charlotte answers anonymous questions from our readers and debunks clichés about our love lives.

A question ? Write to us at [email protected].

“Dear Carlotta,

I’m a 26-year-old cisgender woman and I’m single, but I have a very active sex life. I like sex with one night stands, but I like it even more alone at home. And in a somewhat unusual way, anyway, from what I’ve heard around me: I love masturbating in front of the mirror, and I like it so much that sometimes I do it several times a day. But I’m a little worried about what this preference means for me and I don’t dare talk about it to those around me: am I a narcissistic nymphomaniac? »

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for your question, which I look forward to answering for several reasons! First of all because we will be able to address the topic of libido in girls, but also female masturbation, topics that are still very (too) taboo and which I am happy to talk about loud and clear. Let’s go !

Libido: always too much and never enough at the same time

We often talk about our libido like an old junkie would talk about his exes: when it’s “too much” we complain about it, when “it’s not enough” we find it boring… In short, in any case, our libido never truly satisfies us, and this from day one. We just have to look around: don’t most of our friends (myself included) have a real problem with their libido? Even women’s magazines seem to agree and validate ours eternal dissatisfaction : How many boast every summer that they have the latest secret to help us revive our sexuality?

But I have an explanation for this vast deception: on the one hand, there is a widespread belief that women have a weaker libido than men and that it needs to be “enhanced” to reach their level. On the other hand, there is the frightening myth of the nymphomaniac, of this woman with a sexual appetite so abnormally developed that it amounts to a pathology. Obviously, in the latter case, the reference point is also the boys’ libido.

Patriarchy has always tried to take control of our bodies and our sexuality, to the point of classifying us as crazy if the latter are deemed abnormal or excessive. The patriarchy has always done everything to make us feel bad no matter what we do, and we always end up being too much and not enough, Never correctly. But you know it yourself, we don’t like patriarchy here, so I only have one thing to tell you: your sexual desire, no matter where it currently is on a scale of 0 to 10, is legitimate. Live it to the fullest! I assure you there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Masturbating is good for you, in every possible and imaginable position

The great thing about sex is that no matter how often what we want to put into practice (never, it’s 100% okay) is that there doesn’t need to be two of us, no offense to the damned patriarchy. However, in France, only 52% of women say they masturbate occasionally (at least once a month)*. In reality, it is likely that this figure is not representative of reality, because not all girls still dare to admit that they practice masturbation. Or dare to practice it at all. Whether it is due to fear of judgment, lack of knowledge, or any other reason.

So yes, even today many women think that masturbating is bad. However, most women who dedicate themselves to self-pleasure say that this allows them to get to know their body a little more, their desires, their tastes every day… And to free themselves from others to feel good . Even more so in front of the mirror, when you are alone with yourself. Masturbating in front of our reflection can allow us to learn about our anatomy in a very concrete way, or even our entire body, which can be of great help when we encounter problems with our image, as Billie Eilish recently testified in an interview for Rolling Stones magazine. And above all, what’s more exciting than watching yourself go down? In any case, there are quite a few people who like it. And, more generally, keep this in mindThere is no ideal environment for masturbation, it’s how you feel. The main thing is the desire you put into it, in bed or in front of the mirror, for 2 minutes or for an entire day.

*Consumer study conducted by Womanizer in 2023 and reported by Lisa Demma in her book Rediscover Sexuality.

Dear Carlotta, this is the section that answers your problems to debunk the injunctions on sexuality and love life! Tell us your concerns or questions anonymously and our expert will take care of answering them. Existential questions, practical questions, taboo topics… Here the watchword is no judgment or injunction, just information and kindness!

A question ? Write to us at, [email protected]with subject “Dear Charlotte”!

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