“I always secured my next crush before breaking up with me”: Prune, 31-year-old single

Every week on Célib, people of all genders tell us the joys and questions of their celibacy, chosen or suffered. Meeting Prune, a 31-year-old single Parisian who has just completed her egg self-preservation operation. Now that she has frozen her eggs, she tells it to miss how he experiences being single, having always been in a relationship since adolescence.

• First name : Prune.
• Age : 31 years old.
• Place of living: Paris.
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation: Hetero.

How long have you been single?

I went through a big breakup after a 3 year relationship about a year and a half ago. I then spent a year in a situation finished 3 months ago (Editor’s note: There situation is defined as an ambiguous relationship on the spectrum between friendship and love, without the label “couple” which may seem too limiting or scary in the eyes of one or both partners. In situationone or both partners does not necessarily want to clarify the situation quickly, which does not prevent them from getting involved in this vagueness).

How would you describe your single life?

It’s too early to call him happy or unhappy. So I’d say it’s an introspective single life for now.. Not expecting to be in this position, and having rarely been in this position in my life, it makes me a little dizzy, but I tell myself that I undoubtedly have many things to learn from this.

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

My center of gravity has always been my circle of friends, this does not change much in my usual availability (physical and emotional). I’m also lucky to have as many single friends as couple friends, so I don’t feel out of place. I value my friendships as much as romantic relationships.

How has your relationship history changed your relationship with couples and singles today?

I have been in many relationships since I was a teenager. I spent 3 years in emotional wandering when I was 21, but since then I have often “managed” to short-circuit this phase of celibacy. Usually by securing a relationship or crush before breaking up with the current partner. It clearly says a lot about my relationship with romantic loneliness, but it still felt very organic. It’s something I would no longer do today, after 30 years. I need more time to digest and heal the breakups. And also because I meet fewer new people.

Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?

Yes, it generates a lot of stress and existential anxiety. There are days when we see the glass half full, when everything seems possible (in Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield) And others, where the glass is empty and fatalism overcomes me: love will never be for me again.

Do you think being single allows you to do things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Personally, I have always been concerned about maintaining the autonomy and independence of the couple. I would still say that being single allows me to contemplate and implement more life scenarios. I move wherever I want, adopt all the animals I want, owe nothing to anyone, etc. This is the biggest advantage of being single in my opinion: this lack of compromise.

Conversely, do you think being single stops you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

These are mainly financial aspects: renting a larger apartment at a lower price, investing in real estate, saving more, paying less taxes!

Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

We can clearly see that the relationship with time and age is not the same in capitals or large cities compared to smaller cities. I don’t know if my love life would be different if I lived in Dijon, for example. I think that perhaps I would feel more “out of the norm” than in a city like Paris where 50% of the inhabitants are single I think.

Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship?

I’m still recovering from my two consecutive romantic disappointments, but I’m hoping to meet someone this year. IRL if possible, but I’m not against a push from apps. So far it’s been pretty disappointing on that front.

I don’t dare meet too many people at this time. No one interests me as much as I did my last two lovers.

How would you describe your relationship with dating?

Skeptical, unfortunately. I find people lack a lot of humor.

Does being single in love impact your sex life? Are you actively looking to meet partners?

For the moment this is not yet a topic.

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship? If so, how do you perceive it in your daily life? Where is he from ?

In fact, no one around me puts a knife to my throat and harasses me on the subject. This injunction comes from a collective unconscious, largely driven by patriarchy and the belief that we are “successful” in life if we have found our life partner, that we are missing something if we do not reach him.

Thanks to my feminist readings and several years of therapy, I am increasingly trying to free myself from this belief. What matters to me are my emotions: I am a person who finds a lot of meaning and added value in the feeling of love. That’s why I’m chasing him.

On the contrary, in my pro-feminist environment, the fact of being alone in a process of autonomy, of self-love is also very well perceivedalso for its political value. I would even go so far as to say that I feel the pressure of being alone as much as I do of being in a relationship. People are quick to judge people who have trouble staying single or who get back into a relationship too quicklyas if general and universal rules applied uniformly to everyone.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

Absolutely. From the average cart of the month, to subscriptions, rentals, etc. Living alone costs much more. I’m lucky enough to be able to support myself financially, but I know I could save more by being in a relationship. I clearly see that, despite a higher salary, I have less purchasing power at the end of the month than a couple of friends.

Is this an additional motivation to find a partner? Certainly not.

I also don’t have a dating budget.

What are your plans for the future? Does being single impact these desires and projections?

The day after my 3-year relationship ended, a year ago, I decided to start an egg self-preservation procedure. (authorized except for medical reasons from 1 January 2022 by the bioethics law).

One evening in a bar, while I was mourning this separation in which the issue of planning family life turned out to be central, I met a 38-year-old woman who told me about her experience of fertility preservation.

Having a reserve aside, in her opinion, would put less pressure on the biological clock and project a “progenitor” into every potential partner. Above all, I told myself that it was a privilege to be able to access this treatment for free in France. I rushed to sign up, proud to offer this right, this serenity for my future self.

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