Suzy, 27 years old: “Today I’m afraid of having sex with men”

• First name : Suzy
• Age : 27 years old
• Occupation: Commercial
• Place of living: Small town in Ontario (Canada)

How would you describe your relationship with feminism?

Greet ! Feminism is part of my professional and personal life. I work in a man’s world and I have learned the hard way to take my rightful place. Not the “good girl” one, but the one who comes back to me as a competent person. I am also in a dynamic of sisterhood towards all the women I come into contact with directly or indirectly.

Did you grow up in a feminist environment?

Yes and no. I was raised to be a strong, independent woman. Unfortunately, the stronger and more independent I became, the more my parents (especially my mother) feared that I would be excluded from our society. Over time, this fear became toxic. My older brother doesn’t call himself a feminist but he is and his girlfriend is.

When did you first become a feminist?

It was during my final year of high school in 2018 that I really became aware of what feminism was. I discovered Swann Périssé. I think she was the first real feminist I started following on social media. My true awareness and position came in 2020 for several reasons: COVID (suddenly I had more time to delve deeper into the topic), my move abroad (Netherlands) and I started working in a company aligned with my values. I realized that what I found normal in my box was anything but normal for most people.

It took me about 2 years before I was proud to call myself a feminist. Above all, I needed to emancipate myself and discover who I am. Today it is truly part of my identity.

How does feminism permeate your life today?

I feel like I’ve put on glasses that make me see everything more clearly. Or that my whole life was covered by a veil that has disappeared today. Of course, there are still many things I’m discovering little by little, especially about racial inequalities and my privileges as a white woman. I’m working on it more and more.

In the professional field, ordinary sexism disgusts me. When I talk to friends, I feel like I’m constantly setting the record straight to remind them that they’re better than this.

With my parents it’s very complicated, because they don’t understand my positions.

On the sentimental and sexual side I have many problems. I’ve been in many relationships where I said yes out of “obligation” without knowing it was a mistake. My sex education goes hand in hand with my feminist education.

Today I’m afraid to have sex with a man. I don’t want to be in a relationship because all the men around me treat the women they share their lives with as acquired objects. I miss having sex, but not so much that it compromises my feminist values.

Suzy, 27 years old

I recently met a feminist psychologist, continues…

Have you left aside certain habits, deconstructed certain beliefs or set new limits?

I stopped apologizing for everything too quickly. I have no problem apologizing if I know why and how I offended the other person. If it doesn’t concern me, I don’t apologize. Example: I say something, which is not necessarily offensive, to a man. It touched his ego. It’s not my problem and let’s move on.

I support the women I love no matter what, even if they do shit and I don’t agree. I assume that if I like them, they are worth it and therefore I support them without agreeing with them. It changes everything when you know someone will always be there for you, we all have our ups and downs.

I no longer systematically wear make-up, I no longer systematically wear bras, I no longer comb my hair to perfection, I shave because I want to have soft skin once every 6 months…

I think about my well-being before that of others when I make decisions that concern me. My body, my life, my choices, my dreams.

I can’t stand the old Disney anymore and this idea of ​​waiting for a man to be free and happy.

I put the Christian religion back in its place in my head, which is to say that it is a belief like any other and can evolve. I have always been an atheist and all my life I have dealt with Catholic people. All my life I have been careful about what I said so as not to hurt the faith of others and their values. A year ago my values ​​were trampled upon by extremist Catholics. During this entire conversation, I was walking on eggshells. I was the only one doing it. I decided that this disrespect was no longer possible. My values ​​and beliefs are as legitimate as any religion.

I don’t talk to my mom anymore because she’s worse than all the haters on the internet (without the dick pics!).

Do you operate in feminist environments today?

Officially no. The company I work for doesn’t claim to be feminist, but equality exists at almost every level and many things are put in place to help achieve equity at all levels of the company.

All my friends know I’m a feminist and I respect it, but none of them are and/or accept it. I have many questions and discussions about this topic with my friends.

Furthermore, I currently live abroad and I have a lot of difficulty finding feminist associations where I live.

Is your feminism sometimes a source of friction around you?

Yes, especially with my parents. Very little with my friends, because I have many retorts and many don’t try to contradict me to my face. I publicly support people easily, so if I need support during a debate, I have no problem finding it.

Do you feel like you’ve reached the end of your feminist awakening?

NO. Being a feminist means wanting to change our society based on patriarchy. It’s everywhere, always. Everyone opens their eyes at different speeds and every day we deconstruct and reconstruct a little.

These are huge tasks, if you don’t do it little by little, at your own pace, it’s easy to get discouraged or want to throw everything away. Kindness, time and trust are the pillars to successfully evolve towards a more equal, inclusive and just society.

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