Help! My sister is convinced that she will be my baby’s godmother, but um… no, to be honest.

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I’m six months pregnant and I’m ready. No it is not true. Help ! Well, I’m not writing to you out of my anxieties as a future mother (maybe next time), but out of a much more practical concern: the choice of godmother.

I am the godmother of my sister’s first child. We are very close and when we were teenagers we promised each other that we would be godmothers to our respective children. However, she had her first child as a baby and she kept her word. Except since then: she’s had three more children, and she’s moved to the other side of France.

I still love it, we try to see each other at least three times a year and we are so happy to see each other again. Apart from meetings, our contacts are not regular. For me the role of godmother is very important and I want someone who is very involved in my child’s life and who fully shares my values.

I still love my sister just as much, but I don’t see her in that role anymore. She lives too far away, she is too busy and therefore not available, I am not a fan of the education she gives her children and her view of her children in general. In short, for me you choose a godmother for your child and this is not suitable for my child. I have already found what she does for me.

This won’t be the case with my sister, not in the sense I imagine it. I know she’ll be disappointed, and I’m so afraid of getting mad at her that I’m almost thinking about proposing to her anyway, even if it’s not what I want.

In your opinion ? Should I bring my sister? I tell the truth ? And how ?

Ju’

Daronne’s response

My little owl,

I have more godchildren than sons. I get them mostly from the time I was single, but my friends were reproducing en masse. At that time my life choices included infinite availability. But for every Daronne, her Daron and I got pregnant twice. I won’t even tell you about the mess of choosing this damn godmother. I almost lost my loved ones in the story, even though I too loved them more than anything.

And all this circus for what? Being forced to give gifts at least twice a year to ungrateful kids? Spending time feeling guilty as hell for forgetting their birthday again? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the most honorific titles are also the most cherished ones. The best man, the godmothers and parents, the mothers, many devoted workers, paid with kisses and declarations of love.

But since I know that humans keep making the same mistakes over and over again, I will answer you anyway.

Choose your sister to avoid drama?

At home, the godmother’s choice was as clear as the water that Daron once drank directly from the spring, one day when we were walking in the woods and he said to me: “Hey look, a spring! “. In addition to the transparency of the water, the Darons did not feel the slightest intestinal disturbance. So it was really very clear water, in which I tried to drown the fish. For me, appointing a godmother meant above all rejecting the other candidates.

“ We may have a third and fourth child, so as not to disappoint anyone« , « We’re atheists, we don’t care, we can give him two godmothers each“, I suggested even then.

We could have, there are no rules about that. But avoiding offending anyone meant favoring the well-being of adults rather than that of our children. At least symbolically, our rejected candidates were very good people who would probably have accomplished the mission brilliantly. However, our choice was made for a reason and we owed it to our son to uphold it.

This is perhaps the first time you are confronted with this parental truth which, however, risks repeating itself. What is good for children can divide adults. Unfortunately we cannot give it up to avoid conflicts, our children deserve better.

Honor your choice and see this little test as an opportunity to train for what awaits you in the future.

How do you tell your sister she won’t be godmother?

You asked me what you should do and I recommended that you tell him the truth. You’re sorry, but it’s too late.

Since your sister lives far away from you, I strongly encourage you to let her know your decision in writing. For what ? Because it’s not easy to express yourself verbally in front of someone who feels betrayed. He may protest or hang up before you have time to present the valid arguments behind your decision. Please do not mention your educational differences. Focus on the space-time factor and emphasize your love for her and your fear of hurting her.

It’s possible that he may start to resent you and that your relationship may be strained for a while. That said, your explanations are clear enough to hope for a healthy recovery in your relationships as soon as the event has been digested.

If you feel that she is disappointed and that this disappointment is not motivated by a bruised ego, you can suggest that she take on a special status and assimilate her little name. If the situation is appropriate, I strongly encourage you to consider this route. You may be pleasantly surprised, especially since you can never have too many to love a child.

I’ll leave you, I’ll take care of my godson, he has gastroenteritis and his mother has to go to work.

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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