I made these promises to myself before having children

What parent, before becoming one, had not proclaimed loud and clear: “ When I have children, it will be out of the question… » finish the sentence with whatever you want.

There is a gap between what we imagined, what we absolutely wanted to stick to in terms of raising our hypothetical children, and the reality once they steamrollered into our lives.

All these parental promises that I didn’t keep

Personally I have a small list of principles that I had before and that I didn’t want to return to before giving birth to two small tsunamis. Of course they, by force of circumstances, made me understand They were the bosses, not me.

No matter how hard I try, in the end they are the ones who win. So yes, of course, there are principles from which I do not deviate, because I am committed to raising them correctly – or at least in the best way possible, so that they don’t end up burning cars as early as adolescence.

And if before sitting at the table I am intransigent with kindness, respect and cleanliness of my hands, there are many other things that I have abandoned due to weakness, tiredness, weariness or simply because, precisely, these principles, They were still a little stupid at first, right?

Judging other parents before becoming a mother

Like almost all parents, before I had children, I judged other parents and the way they raised their children. As soon as I saw a child screaming in a supermarket I said to myself “ there’s no way my kids will do it later ”, with a completely inappropriate confidence and certainty. As soon as I saw a little boy at the restaurant with his parents and he had his father’s cell phone in his hands, he looked Peppa Pig OR Donkey Trotro while he waits for his pizza, I judged these parents who preferred to put their heir in front of a screen rather than teaching him patience at the table, in society. Boo, what bad people, these people! At the stake! Well, maybe not that far, but you get the idea.

My stupid principles before having kids

While in reality, a few years later, I found myself with my daughter rolling on the floor at the Monoprix checkout because I had refused to buy her a chocolate egg with stickers Paw Patrol inside, and that yes, she also watched cartoons, sometimes even before the recommended age so you can be at peace for a few precious minutes, at the restaurant, on the train, in the car, on the bus, at home, wherever.

Before having children I always told myself that I would dress them tastefully, in pretty colors that go well together, and above all they would never have a t-shirt with the image of some ice princess or a police dog saving the world. I looked at the windows of Jacadi and Cyrillus and their cute childish models, saying that yes, my children would also wear beautiful beige linen dresses and overalls.

But that was before. Before you let go completely in front of my daughter who has an almost disturbing cult of sequined unicorns and who has decided that all her clothes must be adorned with these two elements, risking going to school naked rather than wearing a liberty patterned dress, and even before to realize that linen is nice, but has no place in the sandbox of the public garden, unless you love dirty things that crease at the slightest movement.

Talking about SandboxI also told myself that I would never put my children’s chubby feet in there, these big things that I considered, rightly, as giant litter boxes capable of containing, in a few square meters, an entire microcosm of bacteria, viruses and other condiments used by the neighborhood.

Then my son decided that rolling around in it and making smelly cakes decorated with cigarette butts was his brightest idea, and I never bothered to argue with him again. After all, this will guarantee immunity, as they say, right?

To stay on the subject of immunity, first, I judged the parents so strongly who licked the pacifier that had fallen to the ground of their precious heir, before putting it back into the mouth of the little creature with the red and screaming face. I found it disgusting, and it certainly is, to always tell myself that I was going to get different replacement pacifiers in the perfect diaper bag I would pack before leaving the house.

This futile pursuit of perfection has produced absolutely nothingand I too reattached a pacifier that had fallen into the mouth of my newborn, after having previously “washed” it with my own saliva. It’s still disgusting, but when there’s no choice, you have to deal with it.

Children are the opposite of what you want them to be (and that’s okay)

Before having children I always told myself that mine would be educated in all circumstancesand that they would never shame me in society. Do I really have to tell you that once again I had stuck my finger in my eye up to my elbow?

Because my children are certainly relatively polite and they say so too bye thank you AND Until we meet again without me having to remind him (well almost)but I still can’t help them from having innocent and unpoetic verbal diarrhea when faced with the guy who farted on the subway and who tries to cover up the noise by coughing at the same time.

This man had chosen the wrong moment to let himself go in the company of my daughter, who did not hesitate, at the age of 6, to tell him frankly” his bumps stink so bad, he could have waited for the next station ».

At the same time, Wasn’t he a little right, after all? It’s a question I often ask myself, fruits aside: the principles I had regarding the education of my children were actually just obstacles to stop them from being what they wanted, so that they were more like me, rather than them?

Is it because being full of principles, I just didn’t want to fit them into a mold? so that they match the company, but not to one’s personality? Why did I absolutely want them to look the way I wanted? And above all, was this really what I wanted? Wasn’t that what was expected of me?that I raise children who are perfect little soldiers, clean with themselves, without a swear word, calm everywhere, and above all who don’t cause a stir? What’s the point of all this? Make some later smooth adultsunable to rebel when necessary?

Children are what they are: children

What a slap in the face when I saw and understood that they were the exact opposite of all that. My kids are talkative, they have thousands of stupid ideas per second, they take up space, they don’t have their tongues in their pockets, they say no, they get dirty faster than their shadow, they have toys scattered in every corner of the house, they sing at the table, they sing in the bathroom, they sing in the car, on the subway and on the bus they are joyful, lively and reckless, They’re not afraid to say that other people’s shit sucks and that it’s not cool to share it with everyone.

So yes, I support it important points of their education from which I do not deviate. Let’s not lie (or hide your lie very well so as not to get burned), we don’t hurt others, we respect our parents, we pay attention to others how we would like others to pay attention to us, we try to eat vegetables as much as possible, we limit the screensbut we don’t even accuse them of all the evils, we express our feelings by speaking instead of rolling on the ground, we don’t eat cat ears and let’s say Thank you AND Until we meet again when you leave the store.

Before, it’s true, I had principles. Severe, inadequate, illusory, unachievable principles. Now I have kids and honestly, what a laugh.

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