Help, my new boyfriend has a crazy ex, am I suspicious or not?

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I just met a man who I think is wonderful. He’s funny, kind, smart, deconstructed, sexy, could you ask for anything better? NO ! Just one detail: his ex is crazy. Before me, he was with a girl for 10 years and, according to him, she was super toxic: jealous, manipulative, angry and so on. He told me that since then he couldn’t stand jealous people anymore, but that he also had a hard time trusting. Even though he acts normal around me and he doesn’t seem to be in control or escape. I never would have asked a single question before, but I know it’s a red flag when a guy says his exes are crazy.

Marina

My little keyboard,

Some will find this email a bit metaphorical. I think it’s quite relevant. If only because the term crazy describing a woman is primary psychophobia, sprinkled with misogyny.

These terms, as feminine as this letter, prove it Since women rule the world, we can no longer say a single word without arousing suspicion.

However, I assure you that the question is legitimate, because this world is populated by Fuck boys whose unstoppable strategy allows them to behave as they want with total impunity: denouncing the madness of all those who dare to protest. Do you have the courage to face me when I crush you in public? Crazy ! Do you get angry when I disappear for several days without giving any news? Crazy ! Are you raising your voice because you’re tired of taking on all the household responsibilities? Crazy ! Are you able to identify more than three emotions and express them? Crazy !

This generic qualification no longer has the slightest meaning. A man who calls a woman crazy may refer to his victim as the serial killer who massacred his family. (The qualification crazy is not suitable here either, but given the drama of the situation, I understand that we are temporarily lacking semantic rigor.)

Women and madness

According to the dictionary definition, crazy means 1. Those who have lost their minds, those who suffer from mental disorders. 2. Whose behavior is extravagant, unreasonable, reckless, or reckless.

Historically this term is associated with women, who have always been accused of unreasonableness. In times not so long ago, girls who refused to submit to social codes were considered crazy. They often found themselves victims of psychiatric confinement and inhumane treatments that were supposed to restore their sanity.

These techniques are criticized by most men today. However, we recognize that for many women still remain mysterious beings, subject to elusive mood swings. If you want to laugh a little, she whispers the word “hormones” to a cismec and watch him tremble with her entire being before passing out.

This belief is so well internalized that women themselves are convinced that their emotions, and especially their anger, are only the expression of their mental torment. This allows some to not question themselves, while ensuring that others are never taken seriously.

This is not a conscious mechanism, I sincerely believe that many males will be in good faith in refuting my conclusion.

But honestly, deep down, aren’t you convinced that women as a group are a little… irrational? At least more than you?

Girls are trained from childhood to take on the role of emotional guardians. Logically, I am quickly able to identify and express feelings. A person who faces a conflict to resolve it, or a pain to relieve it, is not crazy, or even irrational, he has just learned to listen to himself.

How do you know if an ex is really crazy?

I’ve been on this earth long enough to know that it’s hard to be around a lot of people. The fact that your boyfriend has met at least one of them does not, in theory, reveal anything about his personality. Except that he should use terms suitable for each situation and thus avoid psychophobic traps.

Basically, my previous paragraphs lament that it’s not that simple. Thanks to fragile egos, now your siblings can no longer complain without being accused of being toxic (that’s alliteration).

Fortunately, there is, in my opinion, a fairly simple way to check whether your boyfriend is a doubtful guy who thinks he can do anything, or whether he is “just” using a common term to deplore demonstrated abusive behavior.

Pay attention to the way he talks about others, even those who have a very small place in his life. What does it say about the women he knows and those he doesn’t know? Does she adore her single friends and despise all her exes who are in relationships again? Does he regularly feel attacked or betrayed? On the contrary, is he honest and generous, even when this doesn’t make him feel appreciated? Someone who speaks proudly of their friends, remembers their first long relationship fondly, and whose arguments are rare and always justified, deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt. If in addition to his crazy ex, your boyfriend also has jealous friends, an incompetent supervisor, and dishonest business owners, keep an eye out. Some registered complainants remain terribly loving people, as long as we know that someday they will surely target us, others inexorably harm your well-being.

I leave you, Daron asks me to clean the traces of jam that I left on the table, it’s a hammer, I swear,

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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