Mathilde, 31 years old: “I have decided to live my celibacy as a freedom”

• First name : Matilda
• Age : 31 years old
• Place of living: in the Paris region
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation: heterosexual

How long have you been single?

I’ve never had a real relationship.

I’ve been inside a search for love, which led me to meet many people when I was a student, but never beautiful ones. Or at least that got me into a relationship. This has led me as an adult to be much more careful in my choices. When I go on a date, I tell myself that I already love my life the way it is and that this meeting should bring me something more. If that’s not the case, it doesn’t make sense.

How would you describe your single life?

In my adult life I have gone through several phases of celibacy: in university I was more in a fun phase, I met several guys but nothing serious. Since I’ve been working I’m no longer in this perspective, I’m more trying to settle down with someone, but I’m very independent therefore I’m not doing a frantic search either..

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

I had a long period in the last few years where I suffered a lot from it, and I confided a lot about it in my mother and friends. Most of them have been in relationships for several years, so they have never been able to put themselves in my shoes. It may have been difficult at times.

Today, I decided to live my celibacy as a freedomI don’t talk about it around me anymore because I don’t suffer from it at all anymore.

Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?

For a long time, yes. I suffered a lot, especially in the evening and I cried about my fate.. Then, I became interested in celibacy through podcasts (Single Jungle and the two Ovidie per LSD La Série Documentaire series) or readings (Old girl by Marie Kock, The meat is sad, alas of Ovid, Our radical loves) and this led me to understand itthere are other paths to happiness besides being a couple and that if I was very happy like this, then I should embrace this life. This is what I’m doing today and I’m very happy with it.

Does being single allow you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

I do many things alone that I could also do with someone: go to the cinema, do exhibitions, go for walks… Paris is a city that allows you to achieve your goals on your ownwithout feeling the weight of loneliness.

Conversely, does being single stop you from doing things you might do if you were in a relationship?

No, I think I would do the same to someone.

Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

It’s hard to meet someone in a big city like Paris, doesn’t it make meeting people any easier when you see the “choice” people have on apps. However, this does not make me a defeatist. I tell myself that a good meeting can happen anywhere.

Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship? If yes, by what means?

I recently stopped dating apps. After years of use, I’ve grown tired of them and I think a lot of people do. The discussions are the same, there is nothing exciting or new anymore… Now I let myself be carried away by reality.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

I don’t have a great libido when I’m single and sex for sex’s sake doesn’t really interest me. Thanks to the podcasts I listened to, I was able to find out all the nuances that exist between singles and couplesand I’m ready to find out more about it.

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?

Yes a lot. Most of the people around me are in relationships and society continues to reject us romantic encounter as the only goal to be achieved (especially in movies or music, for example). Sometimes it is difficult to make people understand that there are other paths in life. They have difficulty understanding that we can thrive alone, without constantly living through the prism of the couple, because that is the only image that is continually sent back to us. Sometimes I shock my friends when I say that I would like to share moments with someone, but not necessarily live with that person or sleep with them every night.. It may seem selfish, but my freedom and relationship with myself take precedence over everything else. In the years, I have built a beautiful relationship with myself, I learned to know myself and take care of myself. And it is not easy to defend this point of view which goes beyond the usual discourse. Then I’m lucky that my mother doesn’t pressure me about it. She would like me to meet someone, but she is very modern in this matter and she allows me to enjoy life as I wish!

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

The money I have is only for me, so I consider it a fortune. I take advantage of these years of celibacy to indulge myself, invest, save…

Do you have a dating budget?

Not particularly.

What are your plans for the future?

My next project is to buy an apartment. The only impact being single has on it is the immense pride I will feel at the idea of ​​having been able to access the structure alone, without male assistance.

Do you have a story about being single to share?

Just the fact that for me, celibacy is an opportunity. I have never felt more free and fulfilled than when I decided that this was no longer a bad thing. Except when we are the only single girl at a party/dinner, and we entertain everyone with our stories!

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