Help! During my daughter’s tantrums, I told her that Santa Claus didn’t exist.

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I ask you not to judge me too much, know that I already do it very well too. But here’s what happened: My daughter, a cheerful little girl of almost 7, is sometimes, it must be said, not a very kind person. On her bad days, she is the drama queen and has trouble realizing that the world doesn’t just revolve around her, that she can’t have it all, and that money doesn’t grow on people’s trees. When she can’t have what she wants, she’s capable of throwing tantrums that would make Éric Zemmour pale, and it’s really not easy. For her as for us, her parents. One day, there was one crisis too many, and it all happened very quickly: she was saying very harsh words to me, everyone was yelling at each other, everyone was arguing, I was nervous and exhausted and bam, I wanted to finish the game and I jumped, crazy with anger, while she told me that she didn’t need me to receive presents at Christmas because the old bearded man was there to give them to her for free: “Santa Claus doesn’t exist anyway. If you have gifts it’s thanks to me and dad.”

I saw his look, I read his sadness and my heart made the same sound as a crumpled leaf.

Help me, dear Daronne, have I just ruined my daughter’s childhood?

You kiss

Marine

Daronne’s response

My little piece of gingerbread,

Do you remember when our children were about a year old and we thought we had revolutionized education because we were attentive and caring towards these children, but they prevented us from sleeping? Ha ha ha.

Don’t make me say what I didn’t say. I’m not suggesting that things get more complicated over time. Nor that this time it is just a series of painful obstacles. Overall, the child who is a few years older is not the worst roommate: he sleeps at night, uses the bathroom independently and behaves well.

The only real problem is that as our offspring grow, they become their own person. Or a person different from us, who is already complicated to manage, but whose verve is also so elaborate that we forget how immature and ungrateful her brain is.

Are you a horrible mother?

Absolutely ! And for longer than you think. By making him believe in Santa Claus, you were already imposing an unworthy lie on your child. However, he was counting on your reliability to flourish in complete safety. Unless, on the contrary, you are one of those Grinch killjoys, who, by rejecting the fairy tale, deprive their children of a great opportunity to develop their imagination and grasp the magic of the world.

We are all terrible parents every day and we all hit rock bottom from time to time. And when I talk about the bottom of the bottom, I’m not talking about ” Hihihi, we’re all shit, yesterday my daughter watched five minutes of cartoons! » (people like that, we hate you).

As you know, politeness and social codes are variable among our favorite heads. My daughter, who is about your age, is no exception to the rule. Recently, during a family gathering, the little girl appeared in all her splendor. I took a lot of heat from the assembly, under the pretext that I let anyone do anything. To contradict my detractors, I yelled at my daughter that she was being fought over and that it was making everyone sad. The worst thing is, I didn’t even mean it.

We are only human beings. And if you think about it, the human being is above all a living being who walks around all day with a belly full of poop. We cannot expect miracles from it. When we make a mistake, we have no choice but to apologize and try to learn something so we don’t do it again.

Childish ingratitude, this plague

Children are ungrateful. This is a biologically proven fact. When we brought them into the world we knew that their social maturity would not be reached for a decade and a half, or even two decades. However, reality catches us by surprise and we quickly realize how empathy is not a fundamental character trait when we think in terms of survival. Now, for once, nature has shown logic and our kids are the first to understand the basics. Hunger, thirst, identification of natural evacuation processes or even fear. As we grow, these foundations are strengthened by new notions, such as that of pleasure. And in short, let’s face it, we too would like to enjoy ourselves without stopping, without thinking about others. We just learned that it could be doing us a disservice.

When you are seven years old, and you know that your mother will always love you like she has never loved anyone, you know that you won’t risk much by letting go. At worst, your mother will scream, but she will love you anyway. At best, sooner or later she will give in. Even if deep down you feel quite reassured when she doesn’t give up. But what a frustration! It’s all a bit confusing, because at seven you understand everything, but you still don’t know how to interpret well. Between pleasure above all and daily worries, the mix is ​​explosive.

For your part, you, his mother, are facing everything calmly, and it doesn’t matter that the human being who cuts you is 1.20 m tall since he speaks well like an adult. Although he is particularly distressing, there is nothing personal about this behavior, nor does he foresee a future as a self-centered sociopath.

How to save Christmas?

That doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about it. At seven years old he can understand that he suffers and even face the consequences of his actions and words through sanctions that do not damage his integrity (I protect myself).

If your daughter had been younger, I would have asked you to back off and admit you only said it because you were angry. The pill would have passed effortlessly and without guilt since nothing, ever, could have come between a nephew and his crazy beliefs.

In your case it’s a little too late because children generally discover the truth around the age of 8.

This is good news, because it means you haven’t shattered your daughter’s childhood, but a year at most. Jokes aside, let’s be clear that even if the myth is shattered, the gifts never change. It’s often what matters most, yourself, you know.

Otherwise, you might rename this unfortunate event as a rite of passage and new traditions. On Christmas Day, for example, your daughter can help the adults arrange presents under the tree. She might benefit from privileges reserved for adults, such as staying up late, going out at night to admire the decorations (I live in a cinema Distinctive sign) or choose the New Year’s dessert. In short, things could come out that make it worth not believing in Santa Claus anymore.

Finally I’ll tell you a secret, Santa Claus exists. All these years, who was behind the magic of Christmas, the big bearded man and the presents? You. And you are still here. The magic of Christmas goes far beyond a ghostly figure invented by Coca-Cola.

I’m leaving you, I have to go make biscuits for my in-laws,

The kiss,

Your Daronne

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