In 2023, a mother who reports her son’s incest experience is demonized, and this must stop

The data is there, eloquent, disconcerting: according to a report by CIIVISE (Independent Commission on Incest and Sexual Violence against Children) every year 160,000 children are victims of incest. On a class scale, approximately three children are victims of domestic sexual violence.

For almost three years and the publication of The large familyCamille Kouchner’s powerful story of the incest her brother experienced, the shockwave continues to spread, releasing the words of tens of thousands of people proclaiming: “I too was a victim of incest”.

But have society and the legal system really taken stock of this reality, shared by too many people? The voice of the victims is truly audible when, in nine out of ten cases, a child who discloses incest has his testimony denied, to the advantage of maintaining family cohesion? Nearly three years after the #MeTooIncest movement emerged, there is reason to doubt. Especially since, once the courageous words of the victims have been listened to, and the filter of the family circle has been overcome, another great challenge looms: that of legal timing, which can often prove to be a double punishment.

The child’s words are ignored, the protective mother is stigmatized, denigrated

This is what Pauline Bourgoin* and Sophie Abida experienced. There are two of them who give their testimony in the investigation that we are publishing, “#MeTooIncest: when the justice system crushes mothers who defend their children”. There are two of them, but their story is also that of many other women, mothers who listened to the words of their child, and wanted to fight for this violence to end.

Listening to the son talk about the sexual violence he was the victim of at the hands of his father, these women have seen their lives turned upside down and shattered against the wall of the judicial institution in which they hoped to find help. What they say is similar, shocking and revolting.

These journeys demonstrate that not only is the child’s voice ignored, but the protective mother is stigmatized and denigrated.

Undo the mechanisms in place in this reversal of blame

In the investigation we are publishing, the result of 6 months of work, Charlotte Arce and Elisa Covo, journalists from the editorial staff of to misswe go to meet these mothers to collect their words, but also those of lawyers, such as Pauline Rongier, specialists in collecting children’s words such as Flavia Remo or members of child protection associations.

Through this investigation they also and above all focus on cancel the mechanisms in place in this inversion of the sense of guilt from which many mothers suffer want to protect your child. Institutionalized sexist mechanisms flooding the courts to make mothers parents “alienating”for the benefit of the father’s omnipotent presumption of innocencewhen the presumption of truthfulness should prevail.

Because fathers are rarely the target “parental alienation syndrome”which presents mothers as “manipulative”, “possessive”, “fusional”… “This concept is mobilized in favor of fathers and to the detriment of mothers”explains the juvenile judge and co-president of CIIVISE, Édouard Durand, interviewed by to miss as part of our investigation. “The practice of child protection, as a juvenile judge for almost twenty years, has led me to observe this we look at fathers and mothers very differently »he says.

Continue to make incest an important topic

In light of all these revelations, can we really talk about a victory over the scourge of incest that corrodes our society? If the word has truly been freed, Isn’t it an insult to the victims not to listen to them? “We cannot say at the same time: we invite you to reveal the violence you suffer and to reject the complaints in 70% of cases”, underlines judge Édouard Durand. This is a reality that should be a fixed idea for every person who makes up every link of the judicial institution. It would also be legitimate to do so ask what this really reveals about our societywhich silences children’s words, ignores them, reduces them and discredits them.

So what do we do now? What to do when the future of CIIVISE, which has accomplished an enormous job of collecting testimonies in more than two years, is still uncertain? The roads exist and it is urgent to think concretely about their implementation : reduce the number of dismissals to ensure more protective judicial treatment towards the minor and his guardian parent; suspend proceedings for failure to represent minors in situations involving allegations of violence against the minor; do not entrust the child to an alleged abusive parent. The opposite seems so illogical.

It is also necessary, of course they continue to make incest a big topic, and in this they save the words of visible public figures. Not only because they make the fight against incest visible, but also because they send a message to all victims: “you are not alone”.

For writing to miss, it will be about continuing to bring voices that are imperative to listen to, those of these mothers, certainly, as we are doing in this investigation. And that of every person who fights against incest and the institutionalized stigmatization of mothers who protect their children.

Because in France, in 2023, when a mother reports the incest experienced by her son, it is she who is demonized. AND all this has to stop.

* Name has been changed because the witness requested anonymity.

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