Should she: Why is caring for elderly relatives still a woman’s responsibility?

Despite centuries of struggle against stereotypes, the set of treacherous “dos” regarding women is still huge. Considering everything, even one year is not enough. But for many reasons, there is one that is most painful: When it comes to who should be there for parents who can no longer care for themselves, the answer is readily available: a daughter.

Why were we told that this was just our problem?

The explanation given by adherents of this stereotype is simple: men take on all financial obligations, and women either do not work at all or receive money for conditional “nails”, which means that everything related to the house is their responsibility. It is not difficult to refute this argument: according to the Minister of Labor and Social Protection Elena Mukhtiyarova, in 2023 in Russia almost one in every two employees is a woman: we have 49 percent. In other words, the number of families in which the man is solely responsible for replenishing the budget is negligible. Additionally, the wage gap is narrowing as more women are employed each year in industries where higher education is required. This means that the description does not fit and the matter is completely different.

Women themselves are sure that they need to do this

First of all, because of the power of tradition that cannot be ignored. Rigidity is characteristic of the person as a whole, and if conservative attitudes are transmitted from childhood, it is especially difficult to change them. In this context, “keeper of the hearth” rhymes perfectly with “ungrateful girl”, doubling the feeling of guilt of those who already find themselves in an objectively difficult situation. And this is precisely the second explanation for the persistence of the stereotype: guilt. Even if it is not specifically labeled (and this is a separate major problem that psychologists face almost every day in their practice), the sense of duty arises spontaneously. They took care of me when I was an addict, now they are addicts. And it is really difficult to prove to yourself that the birth of a child is someone else’s choice and responsibility, and the strategy for caring for elderly parents is your choice.

How can you pay off your debt while saving yourself?

What should we do? Do you sacrifice your career and rush to nursing courses, realizing that you are unlikely to return? Or will you earn money for the services of people who can provide professional care? Of course, everyone weighs the risks and benefits of any decision for himself. Financial situation, moral and physical strength are things that need to be evaluated with a sober mind, leaving panic aside for a while. The important thing is not to forget this: First of all, if we are not alone in the family, we can and should share responsibilities. Second, if losing your job is ruining your life, this sacrifice will only make potential problems worse; This means that it makes sense to look at the services market, which has made great progress in this area in recent years.

Many Russian cities have a transparent social protection system that will help organize incoming aid for free. Trained professionals are committed to providing both psychological and medical support, both hourly and residential; The price tag varies by region and is currently around 60k per month. Finally, what used to be called scary words like “nursing home” is today represented by an entire boarding industry in which communication as well as medical care is an important component. However, any of these options does not mean that the loved one is deprived of communication; On the contrary, it will definitely have a positive effect if all family members are involved in the process and maximum social contacts cannot create a miracle. On the quality of life of elderly relatives