Alice, 22 years old: “I feel self-sufficient”

• Name or nickname :Alice*
• Age : 22 years old
• Place of life : student city in the south of France
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

Always, I have never had a “serious” relationship.. I’ve only had a few dates and relationships with no real commitment. For the moment I simply haven’t found anyone I would really like to build something with or who I would like to let into my little life.

How would you describe your single life?

It’s easy to get along with most of the time. I even have the feeling that with my studies and my current life, the relationship would be more difficult to manage than this single life that allows me to live at my own pace and focus on my projects. On an emotional level, there are always times when I wish I was in love, I wish I had emotional support. But for the most part, I feel quite self-sufficient.

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

Pretty little. I have some thoughts and concerns from my family. People want to know if I have someone and I don’t talk about it, if I have my reasons for not having introduced anyone yet. As far as friendships go, not really. I don’t think the fact that I’m single has much of an impact.

Does being single impact your daily morale?

I would say no 90% of the time. Then there is the low morale, where I would like to have someone who loves me and that I love, to have what some of my friends have in their relationship. I really don’t think it would make me happier every day. but I want to experience it too one day.

Does being single allow you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Yes, I don’t have any experience to be sure, but I feel like I’m more free and independent that way. That I can learn to live for myself, to truly know myself.

Conversely, does being single stop you from doing things you might do if you were in a relationship?

Yes, probably. There are everyday moments that I could share with someone other than my family or friends. I also have the feeling that since I don’t feel the need or pressure, in the immediate future (probably due to my age), to start a family, to buy a house, to have some big joint project with another person , I don’t feel like I’m being stopped from doing much..

Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship?

Not at all at the moment. Last year I had a period or two where I was really searching. But it didn’t bring me anything anymore, so I stopped pretty quickly. This year it’s not my priority at all.

Do you feel any pressure to “actively” look for a romantic partner?

Sometimes yes, when my family fears that I am alone or when I have moments of sadness and that I feel alone compared to my other friends. But that pressure is never strong enough for me to actually start looking.

Does being single in love impact your sex life? Are you actively looking to meet one or more sexual partners?

It has an impact in the sense that I don’t have a regular sexual partner at the moment.. But this doesn’t stop me in any way and I will be able to have a stable partner without having a relationship/without abandoning celibacy. Currently I don’t actively search, I do it based on feelings and encounters.

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?

Yes, I feel it when those around me praise the merits of the couple, when I feel like it “missing something”. I also feel it through other people’s concerns about my being single.. Furthermore, society, with films, romance novels, etc., creates a rather insidious form of injunction. For many, the couple remains the norm, the ideal to be achieved and when you grow up immersed in this culture, it is sometimes difficult to free yourself from it.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

Moderately yes, I don’t have any extra gifts either at your place finance. But I don’t think these are major savings, or maybe I’m not aware of it.

What are your plans for the future? Does being single impact these desires and projections?

My plans are mainly to finish my studies, travel… I don’t think being single really has an impact. I feel free to make my own choices and carry out my own projects since I don’t have to deal with another person’s plans/ambitions.

In a slightly more distant future, I think I’d like to have kids, but it still seems pretty far away so that I don’t have to know if my current singleness is a limiting factor for this project.

* The name has been changed.