My wife and I are breastfeeding our daughter.

Julie and I have been together for over ten years, we got married in 2020 and I think our desire to have children arose as our couple grew. For my part, I always wanted to become a mother, while for Julie it wasn’t so obvious until she was thirty… Cliché, you might say!

So we launched in a PMA in spring 2022. The move was decisive for us, because after living in Paris for more than ten years, we bought a house in the south of France. For Julie, this move affected the expansion of our family because she didn’t want us to take steps when we still didn’t have enough space and her family was far away…

We started our administrative procedures by looking for a clinic. Our choice fell on Denmark, because we wanted to have the possibility of selecting our donor from an international sperm bank, which does not happen, for example, in France or Spain. We started by purchasing glitter [Ndlr: petits tubes fins dans lesquels sont conservés les spermes congelés des banques de sperme], before contacting the clinic in May. We also had to find a gynecologist in France to monitor our IVF. in vitro). We were lucky to quickly find a practitioner who was LGBTQ+ friendly and who had already followed these types of protocols.

After the ovarian stimulation we went to Copenhagen to perform the follicle puncture. The embryo transfer is usually done immediately, but Julie had hyperstimulation of the ovaries (due to previous treatment for stimulation). We therefore left without transfer, but with 5 well-developed frozen embryos. We let a cycle pass for the pain to go away, then returned to the clinic in mid-November for implementation and the transfer took place immediately.

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A lack of resources

It was before Julie’s pregnancy that we discovered what induced breastfeeding was by listening to an episode of the podcast Stories of happiness. In this episode, a mother said she managed to breastfeed her baby while her partner carried him. Even before Julie got pregnant, I had decided to follow this path too because it was a way to physically commit to this adventure by breastfeeding and creating a carnal bond with this child that I had not carried in my womb.

Since Paloma’s birth we have realized that separating the food load is significant. Beyond bonding with my daughter, induced breastfeeding also allowed us to endure, because after an emergency cesarean section, she too needed to have the opportunity and time to recover. So there it was a real distribution of breastfeeding.

The problem when embarking on the adventure of induced breastfeeding and concurrent breastfeeding between two mothers is that currently there are very few resources. We found some information on the de la Leche League website about induced breastfeeding, which promotes the Newman Protocol. For the implementation we were helped by our gynecologist in Montpellier (he had already supervised the breastfeeding of people in gender transition). On the other hand, There are no rules for concomitant breastfeeding and neither our private midwife nor the clinic’s lactation consultant had ever seen cases like this.

So we learned on the job, listening to Paloma’s needs and our own bodies.

A carefully monitored protocol

Induced breastfeeding is prepared well in advance with a precise treatment called “Newman Protocol”which was supervised by our gynecologist.

To begin with, in the 4th month of pregnancy, I continuously took a birth control pill to stop my menstrual cycles. This technique allows you to “trick” your brain into thinking you are pregnant. It must then be combined with Domperidone. This drug, initially prescribed to relieve nausea and vomiting, allows, if taken in high doses, to increase prolactin, the hormone involved in breastfeeding.

I started with 30 mg and gradually increased it once a month up to 90 mg. Taken in high doses as in this case, domperidone can cause side effects in some women (especially heart rhythm disorders and depression). For my part everything went well thanks to a very gradual setting.

Then, six weeks before I was due to be pregnant, I stopped taking the pill and started breastfeeding regularly to stimulate lactation. So I was expressing milk every 3-4 hours (only during the day), so even before our daughter was born I was able to express about 100 ml of milk per day.

My chest has grown slightly, the nipples have darkened, however, I didn’t have any “milk flow” how can a woman who has given birth have.

“Code Red”

Paloma was born on August 12 after a somewhat chaotic birth. We had prepared ourselves for a physiological birth, without an epidural, in a natural room. When Julie started having her first contractions, she initially managed them at home, using her ball. After a night and a morning we ended up at the clinic. Initial monitoring was good, but Julie was only 1 cm dilated. On the advice of the midwife we ​​went for a walk around the clinic, then returned after an hour and a half. But once again the cervix was only 1cm dilated. The midwife then proposed to Julie an injection of nubain (a derivative of morphine) so that she could sleep a little, because she was exhausted, and thus give her the opportunity to resume physiological work a little later. But after the injection, our baby had bradycardia in the uterus for quite a long time and we were forced to let the nursing staff perform an emergency cesarean section, known as “code red”.

Paloma was born without the after-effects of this heart attack. Also, after first aid and while the doctors took care of Julie, I was able to do skin-to-skin treatment. She cried a lot and I saw itinstinctively he reached for my breast. I didn’t dare give it to her before Julie returned to the recovery room, because she was the one who had to give her the welcome feed so that Paloma could receive the colostrum, but also to encourage her milk to come. She was very tired from the operation, she eventually encouraged me to give her her first breastfeed. It was crazy, Paloma drank immediately, with extreme ease. I felt she was really good.

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Breastfeeding together, a real pleasure

The rest of the breastfeeding went just as easily. We decided to alternate directly, day and night. When one breastfeeds, the other expresses milk. The goal is for each of us to have about 8 feedings and/or pumps per day to stabilize our milk supply. We realized that it worked well thanks to Paloma’s gradual weight gain.

Just a week after returning home, I have seen a fairly significant drop in milk supply., especially on the pumps, where I had almost no milk. So I started taking Domperidone again, which I had stopped after giving birth on the advice of my gynecologist. I started again at 30 mg and increased by 10 mg every three to four days. It was very frustrating to get almost nothing from the breast pump, but what reassured me was that Paloma continued to latch. I still produce a lot less than Juliefurthermore, when Paloma’s needs are important, unfortunately I cannot satisfy her completely.

Breastfeeding is a real pleasure. It’s all the more pleasant because Paloma has no problems sucking and switches from one to the other without any problems. At night it’s also nice to be able to sleep in turns and benefit from real sleep cycles. We also know what each person is going through, so we provide a lot of support to each other on the technical side! We have discussions that probably don’t exist within a straight couple, but maybe exist between sisters or friends, but having them together is even more comforting.

We can only recommend co-breastfeeding and artificial breastfeeding: to the co-parent, to the mother, but also for the incredible bond you develop with your baby. If the experience tempts you, don’t hesitate to browse among gynecologists to find the right one, who will be able to support and advise you. Also, don’t be discouraged by healthcare professionals who, because they don’t know anything or are afraid, will try to dissuade you. We are not the first to have undertaken co-breastfeeding and we will not be the last!