I’m an au pair in the USA, and this is how it works

My name is Mathilde and I have been an au pair in the United States for almost 9 months.

Before becoming an au pair, I worked abroad, in hotel clubs for tour operators, for 5 and a half years. I travelled a lot, it was a great experience, but I wanted to try something else. However, I didn’t want to return to France. A friend, who had been an au pair 10 years ago, told me about the experience she had and confirmed that she was fantastic. Since I had worked with children before, I said to myself why not try it too? This would have allowed me to discover the United States, a country that has always interested me.

So I started the process of becoming an au pair in August last year. In France there are two main agencies to go to the United States: Cultural Care and Aupairecare. I opted for the second, which cost less. In order to apply, you must first answer a multiple-choice question online, before doing some video interviews. My profile was kept, so I had to fill out a whole file on the site. To guarantee our seriousness, the agency requires many documents (e.g. criminal records, previous experiences with children, our motivations, etc.). I also had face-to-face interviews to assess my level of English… It’s quite comprehensive, we get a lot of help and supervision.

Once the procedures have been finalized and the tests passed and validated in France and the United States, our profile is put online. At first we don’t have access to families, they are the only ones who see our profile and can therefore contact us. We talk to them, before generally agreeing to a video interview. After speaking with several families, we end up choosing one with whom we have a good feeling, with whom we believe a good union can be born. ” encounter “. Then all you have to do is apply for a visa and that’s it! For my part, I started looking for my host family in November, and I left in January 2023 for Cincinnati, Ohio.

If you want to become an au pair, that’s a good thing define the criteria to find the family you will match with. I had defined several: I wanted my room and my bathroom to have my privacy, I didn’t want a curfew to be imposed on me, because it was important that the family trusted me and considered me an adult, I also wanted to have a car to be able to move. In fact, depending on where you are, you could get stranded quickly if you don’t have transportation. Ultimately, I wanted to be able to take weekends off to rest and visit.

To find a family that met my criteria, I spoke to more than twenty of them. I really wanted to have a good feeling, and this is what happened with the last family that contacted me. I matched with her in one day. It’s true that it was different from the profile I was initially looking for: they had 4 children (three boys aged 15, 13 and 12 and a girl aged 10) while I didn’t want more than 2, they were teenagers… I had to take a decision very quickly.

Read also: I dreamed of being an au pair in Spain, the reality was hellish

My arrival in my family It didn’t go exactly as I imagined… I arrived on a Thursday evening and only my host family’s mother came to pick me up at the airport. What struck me most was the American welcome: they ran towards me and gave me a huge hug hug. I really didn’t expect it at the time. We in France are less expansive, especially with people we meet for the first time.

When I arrived home, all the other family members were sitting around the dining table. It was a little embarrassing for everyone else, no one spoke too much. I had brought them gifts from France: chocolates for the children, wine for the parents. I imagined this first super warm meeting, in that moment, I was a little surprised.

This feeling of reserve persisted during the first weeks of my arrival. I asked myself big questions because they were really very discreet, they barely greeted me when I was at home. As a result, the first few days I didn’t even dare leave my room. I was starving, I didn’t dare go and get something to eat in the fridge! It’s difficult to arrive at the home of people you don’t know and tell me that that was my home too, that I have the right to do what I want.

Finally, little by little, everyone relaxed. Each of the children has a different character. I had to adapt to everyone, finding what he liked to gain his trust… For example, with the older one, I spent a lot of time listening to his stories, I took him shopping, we played video games… The 13 year old is very shy, I managed to get closer to him when I discovered his passion for music. The 12-year-old boy really likes sports, especially football and Neymar. I used it to build relationships… Well, with the youngest everything was fine at first. It was later that our relationship deteriorated…

At the beginning it wasn’t easy even with the parents. At first my host family’s father barely spoke to me. But eventually he got to know me and I gained his trust. With her mother, however, the first times were difficult. During the interview I had a great feeling with her. And finally, it was a bit of a disappointment when I arrived. She spoke to me very little, she was very cold and quite defensive. She made me think a lot about the little details. For example, if I unfortunately put one of the children’s t-shirts in one of her brothers’ closet, they would set fire to me as if I had done something serious. So it was very complicated the first 2 or 3 months, I wondered all the time, when I didn’t see what I was doing wrong. It took some time, but in the end she learned to trust me, she confided in me about her life, her daily routine… I think it was good for her to have another daughter to look after. home.

My choice to change family

Daily, the role of an au pair is really to take care of the children. In my family, this meant putting away their things, washing their clothes, preparing their food, accompanying them to their extracurricular activities… Since they are big and independent, I didn’t have to play with them, put them to bed at night or to give them do homework, but this can also be part of job duties.

What really struck me as soon as I arrived were cultural differences in raising children. I had heard that in the United States parents were supporters of the child king method of education. I had been exposed to it before, so I thought I knew what to expect… But I was surprised to see how many kids do what they want, when they want. Do they want to eat ice cream half an hour before dinner? No problem. Eat only chips for a week? No worries either. They dress as they want, they have no punishments… And no punishment means no consequences. So why listen? But not everything is bad in this educational mode either! Parents, for example, are very present for their children, they support them a lot in their projects, in their school activities… They participate in all the events, in all the matches, and I can tell you that there are a lot of them!

Even though everything was going pretty well in my host family, after a few months I decided to change family – what we call it “revenge”. This was the culmination of many things, such as the children’s disrespect towards me. The behavior of the 10 year old also drove my decision. Even though everything was fine with her at first, she started being very, very harsh with me, talking to me very badly, lying to get me in trouble… I understood where her behavior was coming from, but I wasn’t the least bit tired of having to endure on a daily basis, especially because I didn’t really feel supported by my parents when I told them about it. AS This was starting to ruin my experience.I decided to continue my work as an au pair with another family.

The revenge, the best decision to make

My former family agreed with this decision, but did not try to keep me. Once the procedure is finished revenge launched, I had very little time to find a new family to continue my adventure with.

These two weeks have been very intense. During the first interviews I had last year, I didn’t ask any questions about raising children. This will clearly be part of my criteria from now onbecause I didn’t want this problem to happen again.

My profile was put back online and, thanks to the enthusiastic comments from my previous host family, I was contacted immediately. Ultimately, I chose a family that lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota. For just over a month I have been taking care of two girls aged 14 and 15. And honestly, everything is going great! I don’t regret my decision to do this revenge. I really came across A golden familywho welcomed me very well upon my arrival: they gave me a University of Minnesota sweatshirt, they invited me to the restaurant…

And since then everything has gone very well. Since the girls are already teenagers, my schedule is really light. My role is mainly to play the role of big sister : I spend time with them, I listen to them, I advise them, we go shopping… I’m not there to clean their room and their clothes. I also have an excellent relationship with my parents. Since I arrived in Minneapolis, I have taken courses at the university and they have helped me a lot with my registration. This is a huge change from my previous experience.

However, I don’t regret it because it taught me things. I was lucky enough to live in a magnificent house, with a very wealthy family. I only regret that it took me so long to decide to make one revenge. But in the end it was a blessing in disguise because it allowed me to find an amazing host family.

If, like me, you want to become an au pair abroad, I recommend you do so really take the time to choose your host family carefully because everything else about your experience depends on it. You need to be sure the family is the right one encounter. You shouldn’t worry too much about your English level. Don’t impose barriers on yourself! You will make a lot of progress on site. Families are also very enthusiastic about sharing and learning the language with the aupair. Finally, you need to be sure that you can be away from your family for that long. With the time difference and distance, it’s not always easy. But it is truly an unforgettable experience!

You can follow Mathilde’s adventures as an au pair in the United States on her TikTok account.

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