If you don’t know how to protect personal boundaries and say “no”, this article is for you. It is also suitable for those who have noticed more than once that people openly take advantage of their talents and time without offering anything in return. And it’s not just about money and praise, it’s also about mutual help and support.
Maybe you know yourself and are waiting for an explanation, so we recommend that you understand everything in detail. In psychology, people who want to be liked by everyone are called “pleasers” (from the English folk pleaser). They often put the needs of others before their own out of fear that they are unwanted or unaccepted in a particular community. Moreover, each of them has characteristic behavioral features and reasons for their actions. Let’s start with the classification, and then move on to the advice of psychologist Anna Glushneva on how to stop pleasing others and find out why this is harmful.
“Anti-Conflict”
People who avoid conflict will do anything to resolve the situation peacefully, even if it means compromising their principles. They agree to do things they don’t want to do, from participating in uninteresting activities to complying with strange requests. Because such people take a responsible approach to the task at hand, they end up feeling resentful, frustrated, and lonely.
“Super adaptable”
We think that among your friends or colleagues there are people who say “yes” to any task and stay up late at night to solve this problem. That is, they are “over-adapted” people who tend to take on too many responsibilities even though they don’t have the free time or energy. They are characterized by perfectionism and an easy-going nature.
“Super-compliant” people fulfill other people’s wishes without question. But they also benefit from this situation. The truth is that they are addicted to praise and recognition, so they expect every favor to be reciprocated.
“Excellent student”
Such people have learned from childhood that approval comes after certain actions, for example, success in school. A strong connection between success and recognition remains in the mind of an “excellent student”. For example, they are ready to work overtime and do excellent work just to be noticed.
“Chameleon”
“Chameleon” adapts to those around him. He laughs at terrible jokes, goes on trips he can’t afford, and says what people want to hear. To please a person, the “chameleon” carefully studies his interests and uses the information to get closer. But he suffers after each unsuccessful meeting. After all, his real fear is rejection.
“Seeking Approval”
Approval Seeker analyzes people’s reactions to their words and actions to understand who it is profitable to contact. These types of people are afraid of disappointing others, so they replay future conversations and situations in their minds. In this way, approval seekers reduce the risk of negative reactions to their words and actions.
“Guard”
“Watchman” is a kind of savior. Takes responsibility for other people’s feelings and problems, constantly tries to help someone. The “watchman” is ready to cancel personal matters in order to console a friend, even if he himself is in a bad mood. It is difficult for him to say “no” and set boundaries in communication. But truth be told, he doesn’t suffer much from his actions because he feels needed. And the “watchman” needs it.
What’s the harm in wanting to be liked by everyone?
Anna Glushneva, psychologist
It turns out that the desire to please everyone does not go unnoticed. It harms both mental and physical health. Especially for The Fashion Vibes, psychologist Anna Glushneva explained why trying to please everyone is dangerous.
First, you burn out: Constantly trying to please others can cause stress and fatigue as you try to meet others’ expectations. The truth is that a huge amount of energy and time is spent creating an image that differs from our internal state.
Second, the desire to please everyone can lead to the suppression of one’s own desires and preferences, making it difficult to express one’s true personality. There is a loss of individuality here, which means you lose touch with yourself.
Difficulties may arise in establishing not only personal, but also business relationships. If you focus too much on pleasing everyone, this can lead to superficial relationships because others may not be able to see your true personality. And even if you please your interlocutor, this does not guarantee that both parties will be happy. On the contrary, this may cause a feeling of dissatisfaction.
The problem is that the desire to please everyone can distract from more important tasks and goals, which interferes with personal and professional development.
How can you stop wanting to be liked by everyone?
Of course, we all want to make a good impression on our interlocutor, but this can also be done without harming ourselves. All you have to do is follow simple suggestions to learn how to communicate healthily and stay yourself.
Determine what is truly important to you. This will help you make decisions based on your own interests. Understanding your needs is the first step to breaking the vicious cycle. Here is the simplest exercise: write 10 points on the topic “What is important to me.”
Learn to say no and set boundaries. This is important to save time and energy. Write the names of the five people with whom communication causes the most discomfort. Think about how you can start saying no to them. If necessary, work on this issue with a psychologist.
And finally, don’t refuse help. Connect with people who understand and support you. This will make you more confident in your decisions. Share your pain with close friends or professionals.
By the way, we have already told you that people are divided by emotional types. Learn how to communicate correctly with introverts, extroverts, ambients and all-rounders in our material.
Source: People Talk
Errol Villanueva is an author and lifestyle journalist who writes for The Fashion Vibes. With a passion for exploring the latest trends in fashion, food, travel, and wellness, Errol’s articles are a must-read for anyone interested in living a stylish and fulfilling life.
