Dear Daronne: My boyfriend always has a good excuse to dodge alarm clocks and late night chores, he doesn’t care about me, does he?

LDaronne answers your questions trying not to be too out of place.

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to save a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I am married and mother of a two year old boy. My husband is a kind, funny, intelligent, thoughtful man and a loving father. Well I think. I confess that sometimes I wonder.

You see dear Daronne, she ALWAYS has a good excuse not to get up at night and generally do annoying things around the house. Sure: he didn’t see, he didn’t hear, he forgot, he thought it was the neighbors’ cat (?????), he has to get up early. If we listen to him, he actively participates in the house, but if we count, he doesn’t actually. Again: I’ve already done it, he wanted to do it, he did something else (he went to the bakery under our house).

I wonder if he’s making fun of me, knowingly. I’ve tried to discuss everything calmly but he just tells me I don’t realize what he’s doing at home. I’m sick of it.

Margaux

My little ear of corn,

The world is full of fathers doing their part. My former colleagues, my Papuan friends, the Darons, and in general all the men who comment on feminist maternity videos on Instagram.

Conversely, I have met very few, if any, mothers who could attest to an equal distribution of parenting duties.

To explain this discrepancy I have three solutions available: either the fathers exaggerate, or the mothers exaggerate, or I have only had the opportunity to meet individuals from the same group, a statistical fact that is extremely rare, but not impossible. . That said, since they are figures, they are formal. Also empirical examples: where is the little boy in the film Sixth Sense I’ve seen the dead everywhere, I see mothers everywhere. Fathers too, probably, but since I don’t see them outside school or the pediatrician, there’s always room for doubt.

Is she bullshit? HEY…

So, does your boyfriend care about you or not? YES ! And no! Finally yes, but he thinks no, wait, you’ll see:

For starters, no father I’ve known has ever confided in me that he doesn’t give a damn about his girlfriend’s face (actually, Yes my introduction). In general, they even seem to value their partner. That said, the science is now formal: on all matters relating to vision, smell and hearing, nothing distinguishes cismec metabolism from others. Especially since the population mentioned declares good intellectual abilities. There is therefore no biological element that justifies the fact that they hear children crying much less, that they do not see the dishwasher ajar or that they cannot change the children’s sheets.

No matter how closely I look, the only other plausible explanation for these shortcomings is shit in the face. BUT THEY DON’T KNOW. Again, I don’t understand the unconscious process of convincing yourself that you are doing 50% of parenting tasks when you outright are not. It seems that when a human being is faced with an absolutely unbearable situation, he can implement psychic mechanisms, such as denial, to preserve himself. Being a nice guy and willingly hugging your partner is intolerable. Even getting up at night. Proof, he did it once and has been exhausted ever since. While he is working. And that’s how he not only doesn’t laugh at you, but manages to sacrifice himself for his family!

Trap its prey

The great Daronne once said to me: My daughter (no, it’s not true, but I like the effect of emphasis it gives to my quotation), you know (at least, I suppose, I don’t remember the exact terms used), men, you must trap them with irrefutable evidence.

Then she advised me to list all the household chores. As soon as one is freed from one of his tasks, he has to tick a cross. After a few days, just see who noticed the most crosses. I replied that if a spouse agrees to undergo this type of exercise, he will certainly be zealous in demonstrating his good faith in him. According to the great Daronne this is the desired effect. So he just works with the board, carrot or stick.

If he refuses to obey, he advises me to fill in the table on my side and show him the results. If he denies the evidence or blames the trial instead of taking responsibility, you will know who you are really dealing with.

Act like a father

One day, the journalist Titiou Lecoq revealed that her husband, who was in charge of the medical visits, had not addressed his son’s ENT problems. She knew these problems. However, she expected the person in charge of the file to take care of it. The boy ended up with a punctured eardrum. The rest I leave you to guess, the whole web has rebelled against the attitude of Titiou Lecoq. Well yeah, okay, her boyfriend, he could have been less of a jerk, but still. We’d rather lynch a woman at the end of the wheel who despairs of finally being heard than a father who openly expresses her indifference to the health of his children and his wife’s well-being.

I fully support her and, in her case, I would at least, I dreamed of having the courage to do the same. And why not, after all? Maybe next time your baby’s diaper smells suspicious, you can pretend you don’t smell anything. The olfactory atmosphere will soon become heavy, but that’s okay because that’s the goal. When the baby cries at night, make me happy to snore with all your nostrils. If he asks you something, redirect it to his parents. As for dinner, if no one mentioned the day, I suggest that your husband should take care of it.

Honestly, I don’t know if these tips will change anything. If there was a miracle cure, we’d know about it, but depending on his reactions, you can decide whether or not you feel ready to continue leading this life.

I’ll leave you, I have some rice to burn.

bisette,

Your daronne