Sasha, 21: ‘My feminist awakening came through anger’

• First name : Sasha
• Age : 21 years
• Occupation : Student
• Place of life : Big city

How would you describe your relationship with feminism?

Nourishing, enriching, essential, healthy.

I see feminism as a powerful reading grid that makes you think and allows us, as women, to conduct valuable introspection.

How old is your feminist trigger?

This was done in stages, at two different ages. I first heard about feminism when I was twelve, through my older sister. The first foundation of the feminist education I received was through her.

Then my real realization came around the age of twenty, after a complicated separation. The breakup made me realize everything that was wrong with my relationship from a feminist perspective.

Sexism was at the root of our major controversies. My ex told me don’t drink, you don’t know how to drink », « Don’t say it, don’t say it, swear words don’t sit well in a girl’s mouth… “.

I would describe my feminist awakening as anger: I realized how angry I was at patriarchal society after my separation. Then that anger turned into sadness for living in such a crappy society.

The last stage of my clicking is where I am now: I’ve stepped back from the situation and have more tolerance for people who haven’t had awakening yet. I think everyone is capable of it, but unfortunately not everyone has the will. After all, it is more comfortable to stick to one’s positions.

Another factor that played into my awakening was arguing with my girlfriends. Each of us had his own problems, his own experiences, his own experiences of discrimination… We all woke up together.

I also clicked at the university. I studied in Canada. In my senior year, I took a class on theories of feminism. I learned the concept of internalized misogyny and realized I was doing it. That people very close to me did…

As part of this course, we had a group project to present. Mine was to create a safe space on campus. For several months we have been working on the question of consent, of sex, of the pressures that can exist in these areas. We conducted a large survey of students, and I realized as I gathered responses how nothing was going on in my relationship, which was deeply sexist.

I also learned that many people around me had been victims of sexist and sexual violence. It was a real shock.

How does feminism permeate your life today?

In my high school group of friends, there are mostly guys. When we were still in school, I didn’t ask the question, I also liked being the good friend that we consider one of the boys. There was a sort of male fetish at that time, we found that” style have a boy band. It’s heavy today.

I really feel the difference in treatment and experiences. My friends often say they understand what it’s like to be a woman, but they understand what it’s like to be a woman only from a man’s point of view.

I feel like the bitch picks them up when they make sexist jokes. I let a lot of things pass before this realization, some observations bothered me the least.

Socially, my feminist awakening made me reevaluate my relationships, as some people were patriarchal.

What bothers me the most is when I see women displaying misogyny. I find it amazing to create divisions within one’s gender when we should be united.

In my own family I more easily excuse my parents’ internalized misogyny, because I tell myself it was a different time. I feel that when we talk about it they understand my point of view.

I understand that we are not all proceeding at the same pace on these issues. You can’t blame some people for having a less complete awakening than others.. But I find it a shame to close the discussion.

Politically, I first looked at the candidates’ agendas during the presidential elections and since then I check every election what is done for women, youth and minorities.

I go to protests, I listen to podcasts, I follow feminist Instagram accounts on female sexuality… I used to think, for example, that it wasn’t normal to masturbate. I found out that yes. These accounts are a great source of information, while also allowing you to connect with other people who have similar life experiences.

Finally, I’m continuing my feminist education through my research: I’m starting my master’s in September and my thesis is about misogyny within the music industry.

Have you let go of certain habits, reversed certain beliefs, or set new boundaries?

Yes, especially in my friendly and sentimental relationships.

When it comes to my partners, my criteria have evolved. I have the impression of better identifying the signals that prevent me from projecting myself. For example, I have been asked before if I wax… If I feel like the person grew up with porn mainstream, it is not possible. Today it seems impossible to me to date someone who is not deconstructed.

In terms of my friendships, I distanced myself from some people who no longer shared the same values.

How did your loved ones receive this click?

My family took it well. We are on relatively the same wavelength. My father finds my sister so much more” radical ” of me.

My friends, it’s 50/50. Some don’t understand. We still love each other so much, but the gap between us grows. I think my awakening is received unconsciously as something that pushes us away. They find me a moralist. Sometimes I feel like my friends don’t understand me and that they will never be able to understand me, because they are not women.

With others he has unlocked discussions, given rise to interesting debates.

My feminism is sometimes a source of friction around me. It’s not big confusions, just delusions I have towards my entourage. I am aware that these frictions basically come from me.

With my ex, on the other hand, we used to argue a lot about feminism. He repeated: I am for gender equality in a service economy while insisting that some trades are reserved for men. For him, feminism is synonymous with insult.

Feeling like you’ve reached the end of your feminist awakening?

NO ! I think we never stop evolving. Surely I will be faced with situations that I had not foreseen. I don’t know if I’ll get as hard a slap in the face as when I clicked, but I think I still have a lot to learn.

For example about sexism in the professional world: I know what it is in theory, but I’ve never experienced it since I’m still studying.

There are also topics that I would like to explore, such as the divisions within the movement or the media treatment of feminism.