Aly, 37: ‘When I hear my friends talk about their fights with their boyfriend, I’m happy to be alone again’

• First name : Wings
• Age : 37 years old
• Place of life : country town in the south of Île-de-France
• Romantic and/or sexual orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

This does just over 2 yearssince my separation from the father of my son with whom I stayed 15 years.

After this long relationship, I had to relearn how to be a whole person. It wasn’t easy at first, especially after a rather difficult parting. I’ve been through all the stages of grieving in love, all the more difficult because he’s the father of my child, so I’m required to keep in touch. It was my ideal, we both thought we would spend our whole lives together. It was all the more difficult… We were close friends, very accomplices, very close, in the eyes of others we formed an ideal, fun couple and despite this we did not fail to separate during the breakup. Like that nothing is ever acquired and no one is safe.

After a long work on me, I can say that today is fine. She’s doing well too. My single doesn’t weigh me down at all. I’m even happy that I went through all of that and am where I am today. When I hear my girlfriends tell me about their daily worries with their boyfriends, their problems, etc., I am so glad I’m not dealing with a guy.

How would you describe your singleness?

I’ve been through many different phases, but today I’m completely comfortable being single. I live it very well. I really like the feeling of freedom at all levels. I’m independent, I don’t have to answer to anyone and above all to anyone who tells me to do this, this way… In short, I do what I want without anyone telling me anything, or insinuating that they would do it better than me.

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

I moved to my current city 1.5 years ago after my separation. I didn’t know anyone. I made some friends. Today, I have a whole group of friends that I see on a regular basis. Most are couples. The thing to watch out for, in my opinion, is the ambiguities that might exist. I have always had a lot of male friends/friends. I get along very well with them since childhood. As long as I was in a relationship there were no problems. But as a single person, i am careful in my relationship with married men.

At first so these men didn’t guess you might be interested. But I realize that while it’s clear in my head, it’s not necessarily clear to others especially their wives. There are men with whom I get along very well, with whom we argue and laugh as friends. It can be misunderstood. Consequentially, I wonder if I can really be friends with these men.

Does having a child affect your love life?

Totally. My son comes first. I have very little time for meetings. I guess when we want we can. The day I really have a crush on someone, I will be able to free up some time.

When I was on dating sites, I have never hidden that I am a mother when askedbut that’s not something I was posting on my profile.

Do you think being single has a daily impact on your morale?

NO. Or save me a lot of trouble!

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Being single pushes me to do more things, to step out of my comfort zone, to reach out to others… It’s pretty good. As a single, I do a lot more things than when I was in a relationship.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

Yes, outings between couples.

Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

Of course yes. I live in the countryside, I only see couples. Everybody knows each other. I don’t do romantic dates. Even though I work in Paris, I find it difficult to meet people when you don’t live in the city (since I live in a small country town in the south of Île-de-France).

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

Not currently but I signed up for Tinder a few months after my split. I didn’t know it at all and in that moment he did me good. Just for self-esteem, it’s not bad. The first conversations were interesting. I even managed to fall in love with a guy that I never saw in the end.

We quickly became addicted… Sometimes I would spend entire evenings chatting with guys but it rarely exceeded 48 hours. I rarely went to date. Not very efficient, then.

I guess I need to have a real connection, even if it’s just for the sex. Let it be fun and relevant, otherwise I don’t even want to go to the date. Unfortunately, for my part, it has only very rarely been conclusive.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

Totally. I haven’t had sex in months. And I don’t miss it at all. I went through periods where I had to find sexual partners at all costs. I tried new experiences. But right now, I’m not looking at all. I don’t miss sex. I feel like this is the first time I’ve ever been completely comfortable with this. I’m not attracted to anyone and I don’t meet anyone I might like, even a little.

If by chance I meet Tom Hardy one day, I will probably revise my position!

Do you feel a form of injunction to have an affair?

Absolutely not. I much prefer my bachelorhood to the headaches we can have as a couple.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

It’s mostly a bit of a hassle as a single mother but that’s okay, we’ll make it.

What are your plans for the future?

I’m not totally closed off when it comes to meeting someone. There is no one I’m attracted to right now. My attempts in this area via dating apps have been pretty disappointing, so I stop pushing and wasting my time. I have a lot of things to do and therefore already very little time I prefer to use this time to take care of my son, my dogs, my house, seeing my friends, my family and doing activities I enjoy. I like my life the way it is. I was able to prove to myself that I could do it on my own and I’m proud of it. But if I meet someone, it will be in his interest to bring a real plus, such as lightness, laughter, benevolence… I say ok to Cherry on the cake… No unless.

Thanks to Aly for answering our questions!

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