Help, I’m going to meet my boyfriend’s daughter, how does a child work?

La Daronne answers your questions trying not to be too out of place.

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

That’s all ! I will finally meet my boyfriend’s daughter! I am both excited and anxious. I will do everything to please you. While I’m stealing her dad a bit, I wouldn’t want her to have a bad time when he has custody of her and I have custody of her. But am I lost if I suggest a fun outing and she says yes to please me? What if we really don’t have tastes in common? Am I trivial if I invite him to draw? Help! How do you become best friends with an eight year old girl?

Thank you.

mandy

Daronne’s answer

My little Grapefruit Daikiri,

To begin, I would like to thank you on behalf of all the Darons boys and girls and other Darons friends who will be spending this summer, and sometimes for the first time, in the company of other people’s children. This life-saving answer will allow them to pick up some tips for making a good impression on these strange humans.

And, precisely, I think you’ll need some advice. Your letter seems to indicate that the world of childhood is totally foreign to you. But you know what? All right. We are on earth to learn and improve ourselves. By the way, if you’ve learned an activity that involves something other than blowing bubbles in a comfortable place and you want to teach me about it, you can contact me. Let’s go for a drink instead, you’ll see, it will be good.

On this, rather jokingly, we now attack the theoretical training. Here are three things to know about children, and then what to answer your question:

Each child is a very, very unique individual.

What does an eight year old like? Eat good things, have fun and feel safe. You’ve come a long way, haven’t you? Bad news for lovers of simplicity: a child is like an adult, it is delivered in one copy, and you never know which model you will fall on. Some draw, others make soup with earth and dead leaves and still others are passionate about stars and geology.

Can you imagine that if there was an infallible user manual, we… It’s true, maybe you can’t imagine. Daronnie doesn’t attract many tourists. So there is no user manual for kids in general. But don’t worry, we parents don’t understand either.

Even when you have several that you raise the same way, there’s no one damned likes the same thing as the others. At home I have a sociable chemist with an explosive character and a placid but resilient poet. Surprisingly different profiles for two children who are so similar, but which show us how boys are free spirits who follow their aspirations without conforming to a pre-established norm. Complex, exhausting, but wonderful, if you ask me.

Kids are bad liars (but they have parents)

At first glance, this subtitle means nothing and yet. You worry that she will respond to your proposal with a sanctimonious smile and a perfectly hidden, but burning contempt. It’s all the bad I wish you. But, most likely, if you offer your child an activity that she doesn’t like, she will show her displeasure quite clearly, whether it’s intentional or not.

If you want to avoid the misstep at all costs, you can ask someone who knows her enough to give you ideas to hit the bull’s-eye. This is very positive since you are dating his father, who is co-responsible for his coming into the world and therefore, primarily responsible for your good future understanding. You can also take advantage of this faithful messenger to ask her directly what she would like to do on the day you meet. Kids lie badly and are completely insane, it’s true. But they are also intelligent and sensitive beings, who appreciate the sincerity and transparency of adults (within the bounds of decency, of course). Don’t know what she likes? asked. Not sure what to do? asked. You don’t feel comfortable because you don’t know other children. Say that ! At eight years old we are perfectly capable of expressing our wants and needs. And we LOVE to give our opinion. So take advantage of it.

Children are not our friends

In your letter you explain to me that you are stealing her father a little and you ask me how to become her best friend. I know you willfully push the line, and I understand what you mean when you mention a daron kidnapping. However, I think it raises an interesting question. Single daron’s new girls and boys have to carve out a place for themselves in a family that has existed for a long time and that conflicts have sometimes damaged. However, if it’s not easy to strike the right balance, you’re not meant to be her girlfriend. Everyone has her place.

If you get along well and have a lot of likes in common, that’s great. But what matters above all is that each of you can experience the specific relationship that unites you with this man (for you) and with this dad (for her). Two parallel relationships, where no one steals from anyone.

I would like to close with a clarification that seems necessary to me: you write to me as if things depended only on you. The truth is, you don’t have much of a role to play in this case. We only ask you to be benevolent and flexible, everything will then depend on what this little girl experiences on a daily basis, but above all on the attitude of her father. Above all, it is he who will have to make sure that things happen in the best possible conditions, for example by guiding you on what to offer during the day, and also on your common points, we are crazy!

Whatever happens, don’t focus on a less happy day than expected, or don’t despair at the slightest difficulty. Give yourself time to get used to yourself. You have a lifetime to form a bond that won’t be friendly or filial, but just as beautiful.

I’ll leave you, my daughter mixed chalk powder with cough syrup and poured it all over the carpet and my son sings a tirade in praise of the accident, I have to go supervise.

bisette,

Your Daronne

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