Anna, 33: “I find myself more interesting since I’ve been alone”

• First name :Anna
• Age : 33 years
• Place of life : Big city
• Sexual and/or romantic orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

I have been single for 2 years having been in two serious relationships, one for 5 years and another for a year.

I always have been a great romantic. I am a devoted, caring and faithful life partner. Before going through 2 breakups, my sexuality was over with just feelings and a couple projection. Today, with two years of celibacy on the clock, I am revising my codes to adapt them to the realities of the market. Dating apps have changed the game and “dating” like before is no longer realistic in this jungle. I adapted my operation and I also date several people if the situation arises. I warn each time that I don’t aspire to a relationship and until the topic of exclusivity is addressed, freedom is total.

On the other hand, when I have a deeper relationship with someone and they bring me everything I need, I focus on it even though nothing has been explained. I remain a romantic in spite of everything!

How would you describe your singleness?

Accompanied! I am single because I am not in a relationship, but I have one or more men by my side very regularly. Some relationships last one night, others several months or even a year (!)

I prefer ongoing relationships, but the decision is made on a case-by-case basis and it’s not always my responsibility!

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

I am one of the only ones in my group of friends who are single. My current social life is very rich because I put my friendships first, but see its potential diminish in the course of house purchases, pregnancies, etc. some friends of mine. As the love and family life develops, the friendly social life decreases a bit and this is something that, over time, could isolate me.

Also read: Tinat, 40 years old: “It is difficult to find a regular sexual partner”

Does being single have a daily impact on your morale?

YES ! My relationship status affects my morale but i’m working on it.

I have euphoric periods when I pick up my crush’s number, for example, as well as lower periods when I get attached to someone and they decide to end the relationship.

Having multiple partners implies multiple relationship endings. Some go by themselves, others are less simple and have nothing to do with the duration of the relationship!

What do I miss when I don’t have a partner by my side, it is tenderness, hugs, discovery of the other and sex. Also, sometimes I feel lonely if what I’m going through in my personal life is a little complicated. Not having a shoulder to lean on (if not friendly) is sometimes heavy when you just want to snuggle up with someone to stroke your hair.

On the other hand, when I see friends struggling with their immature spouse, I feel relieved that they no longer have these kinds of issues. There is good and bad in both cases!

Does being single allow you things that you couldn’t do as a couple?

Yes and no ! My life has been much more diverse and social since I was single. I underdeveloped my individuality when in a relationship, as if by staying in my cocoon, I preempted myself from things and settled into my very narrow comfort zone. Today I have more friends, I have developed very strong, enriching and fulfilling friendships over the last few years. – friendships I kept least when I was in a relationship. I find it a pity that there is some kind of pyramid that would put the couple above friendship because these relationships are not comparable and are not incompatible!

Today I explore different facets of my personality, I travel more and try many more activities. I find myself more interesting since I’m alone. I know that if I find myself in a relationship again, I would like to continue in this direction instead of locking myself in the couple.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

Yes, such as buying a property. Apart from the financial aspect, it’s a project I don’t want to do alone.

Also, for the moment I have friends to travel with but it’s still a topic that worries me because I mostly travel with single friends, but as I said above, they are becoming increasingly rare. My friends in couples tend to favor romantic vacations.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

It depends on the period but most of the time I would say yes. I am mainly looking for “romantic” male companionship without necessarily wanting to be in a relationship.

I feel happiest when I have someone to text, to go to a restaurant, walk or go to bed with. For the moment I’m mainly looking for this type of relationship because the couple as such has let me down, but I’m not totally closed off!

Sometimes I feel lost because I no longer know if it was the wounds that my old relationships gave me that burned me or if it’s the traditional couple format, very restrictive for women, it slows me down in my desire to commit to a serious romantic relationship.

Do you use dating apps?

My Tinder account rarely stays active for more than 2 weeks straight. When trying to meet someone, I swipe when I have an idle moment (on the famous toilets or in front of commercials while watching TV). I often discuss with multiple people but when one profile stands out from the others, I focus on that until the meeting.

I accept very few dates because I don’t like itI only meet if I know the person will match me and I am rarely wrong!

Do you feel a form of injunction to have an affair?

Injunctions are always present, everywhere, always! They’re implied but they’re there, in commercials, in government, in movies, in pop culture in general.… Society is made around the couple so technically, I go outside the box and it’s still uncomfortable.

In my private life my parents leave me alone even though they feel relieved when I have someone by my side. From my entourage I get some phrases, benevolent but that make me shiver, can be a “I’m sure you’ll find someone as beautiful as you are”, “When you start your life again, you will see” (Is my life canceled right now?), or even “I can’t wait for you to meet someone and finally see you happy!” » (Am I less so than you in a relationship?)

On the other hand, I managed to get rid of all this pressure and it’s a release in itself!

It wasn’t easy, you already need to understand your situation to be able to accept it and assume it. I’ve even written a whole book about relationships, celibacy, and all this travel!

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

YES, it’s obvious ! I pay the rent myself, shopping for single portions costs more than “family” purchases, I pay the bills myself, I do without the luxury of Netflix, Spotify, etc. because these expenses are not shared with my partner for example!

What are your plans for the future? Does celibacy have an impact on these desires and projections?

Not anymore ! I thought “real life” would start when I was in a relationship. I was waiting for a lover to tick the boxes marriage, real estate, baby. Eventually I realize that I don’t want any of this, that this life plan was put into my head by society but that it wasn’t going to be my source of happiness.

Today, I no longer consider myself as in this famous “waiting room” of the couple.

I have no plans other than to enjoy every moment and have fun to the fullest!

I live hand to mouth because I’ve learned that living too much in the future prevents me from fully living in the present moment. Life is so unpredictable that it makes no sense to plan everything in advance!

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

My love life is always a source of entertainment for my friends! I am a true Pierre Richard of datinglike the day I almost became a freedom hero having a Valentine’s Day threesome after being kicked out of karaoke. It’s a change from the candlelight dinner!

Thanks to Anna for answering our questions!

Do you like our articles? You will love our newsletters! Sign up for free on this page.