Help, I caught my boyfriend watching porn

La Daronne answers your questions trying not to be too out of place.

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have been living with my boyfriend for a few years. Like all couples, we have periods of arguments, but overall everything is fine and we really love each other. Unfortunately a few days ago something happened that really upset me. In the evening I was attending an online seminar, I had settled in the living room and he went to bed. I took advantage of a break to go get something in the bedroom and there I caught him having fun in front of porn on his phone.

I ran out. We never talked about it again, but I feel really bad: I wonder if I’m enough for him, and why does he need it? Our sex life seemed to me fulfilling and complicit…

Alice

Daronne’s answer

My little salamander,

I want to believe that the scene you unintentionally witnessed wasn’t very nice to watch. This is one of the reasons why I personally don’t watch that type of content. Frankly, the face of a human in full ecstasy reminds me a little too much of the beginning of a constipated pregnancy and the hours spent in the bathroom, face red and distended with exertion. Here you are.

Let’s immediately dispel a misconception: it is not because a human being fantasizes and masturbates alone that his, her or his partners do not fully satisfy him.

Watching porn and affiliate hand games, wiping your nose, going down to the kids cake cupboard at night, getting caught in a moment you thought was reserved for yourself, is very embarrassing. For those who are captured, as for those who witness the scene. In life, we all have absolutely disgusting little behaviors, and that’s perfectly fine, as long as we don’t get caught.

The secret garden of fantasies

Everyone, even as a couple, has the right to have a secret garden littered with shameless but harmless fantasies, as long as they never cross the border between dream and reality. Loyalty has nothing to do with this strange sauerkraut.

The life of a successful couple and this little secret garden kept in the strictest privacy of his brain are two parallel entities that can flourish without ever compromising each other. Imagining yourself to be the two-shouldered beast with a TV actor or actress doesn’t challenge the love and respect one has for one’s other half. It just means we were born with two eyes and a libido, two very common attributes, you’ll grant me.

In short, the fact that your boyfriend fondles his penis in your absence seems perfectly normal to me, and believe me, his behavior is happily copied by several billion individuals, many of whom are engaged in perfectly satisfying exclusive relationships. As long as this masturbatory use is practiced in private and does not lead to problematic behavior.

The mainstream porn industry, this bastion of gender violence

The “only” problem in this story is not the act, but its means of execution.

However, the basic principle was very simple and was born from a good intention: everyone likes to have fun with the hand and, in the lotto, there are plenty of those who are even more willing to try it. a visual aid. The company, in its great kindness, has therefore decided to produce and widely distribute this medium. Until then, quite a nice initiative. Unfortunately, as this company is very brave, but a little confused, still gave us some cismechi at the controls, it quickly went into the dirt.

While it is perfectly acceptable to admire pleasant content to build up courage, the conditions in which it takes place are more often than not intolerable. By consuming mainstream porn, your boyfriend is supporting an industry that mistreats most of its actresses. And he perpetuates myths that threaten the physical and mental safety of too many.

It’s time for the “communication” paragraph.

Many times when you have problems with your peers you prefer to address me first and I have to admit that is really flattering, thank you. I take my mission very seriously and try to give you some possible answers. But you know that in the end we always get to that moment where you have to pop the abscess with the person concerned:

NOT TO DO : Avoid calling your boyfriend a disgusting pervert. If it’s usually this kind of little phrase that we drop to hurt and quickly forget, the recipient will remember it for life, and for no good reason. Don’t even make him promise to give up those moments of solitude. Why deprive someone you love of such pleasure? Why force someone we love to lie to us?

DO : share your insecurities with him and give him the opportunity to reassure you. :
” But yes honey, you are much more attractive than all these actresses. And I’m way more attractive than Sam Heughan. CERTAIN ! ”

Simply ask them to resist these little private shenanigans and advise them, with mortal figures from mainstream porn to back them up, that they favor safe content. Googling ethical porn (which I wouldn’t do for you, my dear readers) you come across many listings of platforms that respect its actors and actresses. Who knows, taking a tour, you might even discover a new activity to practice as a duo… or alone?

Come on, I’ll leave you, I uh…

bisette,

Your Daronne

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