I’m a father and I’m exhausted by my kids, HELP!

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to fly to the rescue of a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I am married and father of two children aged 2 and 5. I love them, but I’m tired. They never stop, my youngest doesn’t sleep at night but she is full of energy during the day, her sister is in high demand and just as energetic. My living room is a playroom, between work and children, I no longer have a second to myself and I’m full.

I’m exhausted and can’t keep up. I dare not mention it to my wife who does the same if not more and that she seems to keep the course. I love my family more than anything and can’t see myself living without them, but I feel completely overwhelmed by the situation and this constant stimulation. Sometimes I even tell myself that I could leave, it would be easier for everyone.

Greg

Daronne’s answer

my little hamster,

I’m glad you’re writing to me, cismeks rarely admit their difficulties. I will be happy to help you, even if you don’t have to rely on me for your children, so you and your wife can overcome your emotions.

I believe that unfortunately all parents face this one day. Even mothers, who weren’t born with a magical gene that would allow them to live perfectly without sleep and give them the ability to divide. Otherwise, you can imagine that they would be ruling the world and, as you already know, that’s far from the case. But I will tell you who was born with this gene: children. They can sleep two hours every 72 hours, eat nothing but toast and gesticulate merrily like ecstatic little revelers. If you think about it, kids are supposed to rule the world. Society would go totally crazy, but at least we’d have a good laugh and be forced to eat chips every day, what a shame.

Pass, everything passes, one day at a time

With small children, one immediately gets the impression that they have taken life, while tomorrow they will be 35 and have forgotten our existence. I suspect this prospect seems very appealing to you at the moment, although I swear that when the time comes, you will mourn the absence of your offspring, for we Daron are never happy.

It is absolutely not an injunction to take advantage of the unprofitable, but to promise yourself that everything will pass faster than you think and that you will feel better one day not so far away. In the meantime, I authorize you to spit (in your thoughts, otherwise you risk having problems) in the face of anyone who avoids your discomfort with a: ” AND THEY ARE STILL SMALL. LITTLE CHILDREN, LITTLE PROBLEMS, BIG CHILDREN, BIG PROBLEMS HUHUHU. ”

True, humans are boring, your kids won’t escape the rule. The good news is that even the most obnoxious adults no longer wake their parents up at night or need their asses wiped. Courage, the light is at the end of the tunnel and meanwhile, one day at a time.

To live happily, you need to communicate and defuse

I’m not telling you it’s all a matter of mood because otherwise I wouldn’t care, and I have sensitive skin. However, there are certainly possibilities for improvement in your day-to-day family life that may allow you to shit a little less. I don’t know what’s going through your wife’s head, whether she has noticed your discomfort (definitely), or even if she shares it (definitely again). So the best thing is to ask him the question and confide in him your tiredness. First, you can debrief and ease your heavy hearts (it’s beautiful). Then you can think of solutions to lighten your daily life. Here are some non-exhaustive suggestions:

• Are there any suggestions to make the child sleep better, even if these suggestions ignore the recommendations (co-sleeping, strange schedules, background music)? Or can you implement night shifts?
• Can you treat yourself to one evening alone per parent per week, even at the cost of spending it locked in the cellar dozing off?
• Is there a space that can be dedicated exclusively to parents in your shack? Could you put in a quick filing system to find an adult setting in the evening?

In short, you see, for each problem, its small alternatives. By breaking down daily challenges rather than looking at them as a whole, like a big fat mammoth about to get stoned, you’ll be able to make small daily adjustments. Without transforming your life (you already knew I wasn’t a shrink, well, I’m not a wizard either) they can make it easier.

Find support from professionals and groups

You know what drives straight girls crazy all the time? Kids who take care of their mental health and go to a shrink. In 2023, many women are already taking the plunge and going over the details of their family life with a therapist every week. Hello emotional charge, these sessions are also used to find ways to avoid their spouses having to pay for their old traumas to the whole family. Since we didn’t already have enough issues dealing with our relationships with our mothers, we also have to deal with yours. So it’s time to consult instead of pulling out the eternal flute of the strong man who needs no one. We know the story of the robust and lone wolf who malfunctions so much that he is no longer messed with home insurance (and who does it fall on, in your opinion?). I guarantee you, not even your psychologist will agree to take care of your brats on his days off. And maybe he won’t even have any concrete solutions to bring you, but talking to a professional is good, and allows you to indulge yourself in the safety and comfort of a dedicated facility.

Sincerely, I also remind you that many mothers gather in virtual crews or not to share their problems. Statistically, there are about as many darons as daronnes, that’s a lot of fathers who could be inspired by their mates. It’s time to find (or why not create) safe conversation spaces to discuss your daily struggles. And believe me, many of you meet them.

Don’t play air girls

I’m not accusing you. But I deplore many precedents and prefer to lay the groundwork: being a daron in PLS doesn’t give you the right to back down. It gives you the right to communicate with your girlfriend and find solutions together to mutually ease your daily life. It also gives you the right to consult a professional and to confide in your friends, or relevant interlocutors, but that’s all and that’s not bad in itself. You’re exhausted and it’s very difficult, but that’s no reason to give the dirty work to someone who will never wonder if she has a choice. Accept your vulnerability, verbalize your discomfort, laugh it off if you feel the strength (at Madz, we get to write funny humorous notes about our kids and he vents, trust me) but act like a responsible adult. It happens to everyone to shit out of his hat (I don’t understand this expression, do you?) and sometimes even to miss your family. It’s not about letting her down by assuming she’ll be able to get by without you. If you leave, it’s only for you that it will be easier.

I leave you, my weekly psych session will start soon,

bisette,

Your Daronne