Help, I don’t want my ex to come to my daughter’s school party

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I’m divorced from a guy we’ll call Trouduk to preserve his anonymity. We have a ten year old daughter. Five years ago, I learned that Trouduk had betrayed me. Not just once. He cheated on me during our relationship with several women, most of whom were unaware of my existence.

The sky fell on my head. He was an involved father, a caring husband, but also a handsome bastard. After the separation, the situation between us is freezing. If it was up to me I would have asked for sole custody of our daughter but he insisted on his weekend in two and a half days off and he has been playing the model dad ever since and my daughter loves him.

I’ve never said anything bad about my ex in front of her, and she still sees him as her daddy. So much so that she will be present at the party organized by the school at the end of the year. Besides, he’s coming with his new girlfriend. I clearly told him by text that I didn’t want to see him, but apparently: she is also her daughter, so she has the right to be there.

Help,

caroline

Daronne’s answer

my little apple,

I don’t know what you think, but I’ve always found it a shame that I can’t have children on my own, like dandelions and sometimes bees (according to Google). Mainly because we humans tend to want to be in love in order to reproduce. And we know that the feeling of love is nothing more than a strong dose of hallucinogenic substances injected continuously, directly intravenously.

The fact that mother nature obviously couldn’t help but have a drink before programming the human mate selection system dooms us to picking co-parents whom we may someday want to shove under a big drunk. It’s not very practical, I agree, but that’s the way it is.

Now, I’m still going to tell you something you won’t like, but trust me, you’re lucky in your bad luck. Your ex seems like a decent father. And decent sires aren’t uncommon, but they also can’t be said to represent the vast majority of Daron males.

Don’t mix the father and the ex

An ex-con is not necessarily an inmate father. Some people are completely rotten, some reserve their blame for their partners, thank you, it wasn’t necessary.
True, there is nothing worse when a piece of trash has made a mess of it than seeing his loved ones continue to adore him as if nothing had happened. But then again, an unfaithful partner can be a good father.

As for you, congratulations on holding your tongue and making sure that the father-daughter relationship wasn’t rotten by your grown-up grudges. Congratulations. You are a good mother and obviously a very intelligent person. And let me tell you that even though I have never seen you, I can tell by reading your mail that you are also a very beautiful woman! And I’m sure you smell divine!

I do too much, right? Do you understand that my little ploy is coming, which is to hide the bad news under a carpet of flattery?
Grillée la Daronne… So now, your ex has the right to come to the school party. Yeah, he’s a parent in the same way you are. And very selfishly, I want to see more dads at school parties. There’s no reason we’re the only ones getting hit in the face at every fair, because kids don’t know how to aim. Seriously, stop this stupid game once and for all.

I’m not asking you to greet the news with a smile. I’m not telling you that you won’t want to drive him crazy when you meet him. I don’t think the fact that his presence bothers you isn’t reason enough to expect him not to show. Especially since you will meet him again throughout your life, which I wish you and your offspring for a long time.

How to limit breakups at the party

It’s school day. Children dressed as sponges (oh no, sorry, as daisies) wander aimlessly in a corner of the courtyard redesigned for the occasion as a stage. The parents, whose blinding love allows them to genuinely appreciate the show, film their little stars before flooding family WhatsApp conversations with blurry photos.
Once the artistic abomination is over, each daron returns to its place, cursing the committee of new parents who decreed that this year the refreshment bar should not offer alcohol.

Posted in your fishing booth where kids can win keychains Im+ and other pens Kifcar garage, kindly bequeathed by local merchants, you see your ex preening himself. This bastard put the other parents in his pocket – they laugh. You have rabies and what’s more you’re soaked: not only is it raining, but a child has just sneezed on you. This whole circus is awful, but it won’t last long. In three hours all this will be just a bad memory.

attitudes to adopt

• Accept your pain patiently;
• Check in with a mate. If your ex has the right to get his girlfriend back, I guess you can also find yourself an asset (as the shrinks say) (not me, then).
• Send your ex a message, if possible, asking him to respect your decision to stay away from you. Without attacking it. People are unbearable and the more you scold them, the more they insist on doing everything to annoy you. MATURITY AND PEACEFUL DIALOGUE FRIENDS.
• If the relationship is too confrontational, talk to the education team. Without affection, you are not there to find allies, just seek outside advice so that this day goes as smoothly as possible.

Not to be done under any circumstances

• Type a scandal;
• Drinking and typing a scandal;
• Cry ;
• Involve other parents to take your side;
• Start a petition to cancel your visit;
• Put the laxative in his glass of syrup (although that would be a little funny).

The best you can do is accept the situation. Consider it one of the many sacrifices that being a mother requires. And while the following has really nothing to do with your question, quite frankly, if you feel that resentment continues to consume you, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Life is short, you know, it’s a shame to spend it cursing idiots instead of looking ahead. Nothing obliges us to forgive those who have hurt us, but nothing obliges us to cultivate resentment either.

With these beautiful words, I must leave you,

I have a parent-teacher meeting and I’m trying to negotiate an open bar.

bisette,

Your daronne