My niece told me a compromising secret, should I tell her mother?

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

My 16-year-old niece recently let me in on a secret by making me promise not to tell her mother. I didn’t see the problem at the time, but today my niece is in a situation that deserves her mother to know this famous secret.

It’s not clear, but essentially: to what extent can I, or can’t I, repeat a secret, entrusted to me by a teenager?

You kiss

Melanie

Daronne’s answer

My little mint leaf,

Yeah, I’d like to point out that you’re asking for my help without letting me bite into the little secret in return and that I don’t find it fair. Finally, I’ll get over it, because I’m civilized, ME.

In short, to the question can i tell you a secret? », especially if this question is followed by a « promise me you won’t repeat? », the only reasonable answer to give. And no ! “. You have to stay away from other people’s secrets. It is always very flattering to be the chosen one who will collect the secret, but the moment you accept this role, you step against your will in a pile of manure that is not even yours.

I don’t know why we happily wag our tails when someone close to us uses us as a repository for secrets. Especially since, let’s face it, these confidences never have the slightest interest:” My sister pisses me off with her baby ! », « When my man feeds me, I remotely turn down the thermostat so he’s cold ! » « I sneeze into my colleague’s protein shake every morning! “, etc.

Ok guys, your life is great, but wouldn’t you have more crunchy ones? A spontaneous (consensus) orgy involving your boss, the preschool principal, and a few celebrities? A bloody murder motivated by revenge? A relationship with Jensen Ackles? NO ? This is what I was saying: There is no point in serving as a confidant in our mundane world of regular people.

Does this put the child in danger?

Before we consider letting adults go, we need to think about the consequences of this disclosure. Put like that, I’m throwing the doors wide open a bit, but wait for me to elaborate: whatever your promise, you must break it if its secrecy can harm anyone. If his relationship with his parents is tense, you can involve other competent adults, depending on the secret (come on, tell me, what is it??): a teacher if it’s a school problem, a carer if it’s a health problem and / or the police, if it’s really a big deal…

How to cast a secret without doing too much damage?

It may be that your niece’s secret has nothing compromising or even could negatively affect her existence and that of those close to her in any way. In this case, I advise you to communicate clearly about the reasons for your discomfort, and, depending on the secrecy, discuss solutions/lines of thought together, without necessarily involving anyone else.

If the secret is bad, before rushing to cheat his mother, I also advise you to go and see the teenager. You understand, all my solutions involve speaking frankly to the young man. Yes, we agree, it’s tiring this well-meaning world where you always have to co-mu-ni-quer with kids, but it seems to make them accomplished adults, so in doubt… Well, once you’re faced with the teenager, explain your dilemma to him as SHE knows what is going on and does not have to answer to the wind, unlike a certain Daronne of my acquaintance…

You can then submit the following four alternatives:

• Suggest that she tell everything herself;
• Offer to carry the message for him;
• Involve a competent adult, if appropriate. I don’t know, I remind you that you obviously don’t trust me enough to reveal the secret in question…
• Warn her that even if she refuses your advances, you will be obliged to warn her mother. You will probably lose your status as a beautiful aunt for a while. Behaving decently and sensibly is a lonely road. Look on the bright side, if you dream of one day working as Santo, you’re on the right track.

When you share this secret, which is sure to be very boring, by the way (although I don’t really care what it is), be transparent with your sister. If you’ve talked to an adult, I’d gladly encourage you to tell stories about ” I heard the news unknowingly in my sleep… ” and other ” I discovered it by accident, by accident ! “.

But you can’t throw a child under a bus and you’ll be forced to tell the truth: you knew it and kept quiet, which makes you entirely responsible for the downfall of your sister’s family. Your sister may resent you much more than her daughter (completely normal, if frankly obnoxious), but you will have made the right decision, even if you risk finding yourself even more isolated. But as I said above, admitting that you wish to be canonized one day is very good for your CV.

Come on, I’ll leave you, I have to call my aunt urgently, a family thing,

cookies

Your Daronne