Help, my daughter overheard us complaining about my sister’s boyfriend and threw everything at him

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

My sister has been dating a guy who she fucks all the time for two years. When we see him, he never asks us how we are and lists all his successes: how much he has earned this month, the good things he has done, his excellent contacts… And when he comes to our house, he criticizes everything and gives us advice boring things like where should we invest or why should we change cars. The problem is, last we saw him, we were criticizing him the whole time with my four year old daughter sitting in the back. Last week, my sister came home to dinner alone and my daughter asked her if it was true that Tonton Dam “kept showing off and pissing off mom and dad with her pretend life?” “In these terms. We all laughed out loud and quickly changed the subject, but then the atmosphere froze. Since my sister does not respond to my messages, what should I do? deny? Take the opportunity to say everything I Do I think of Uncle Dam?Help me, dear Daronne.

Audrey

Daronne’s answer

My little vegan hot dog,

The situation you are going through is deeply unfair. After all, you just did what pretty much everyone on earth does to pretty much everyone on earth: bitch. The only problem is, you’ve been screwed. And you see, our society is built on a very simple principle: it’s totally okay to criticize people behind their back and even say the worst things about them, as long as they NEVER find out. This is the unseen, untaken principle. And it benefits everyone because it allows us to maintain the illusion that we are the exception that proves the rule and that no one ever goes against us. And then quite frankly, who wants to quarrel with their loved ones over some cowardice unleashed behind their backs (knowing that we ourselves have often fulfilled the exercise brilliantly)? Nobody. But when the cowrie goes public, good bah, we’re still required to mark the occasion and have to explain ourselves and dig up old files… What the hell! But why can’t people chat more quietly?

Rule number 1: do not criticize your loved ones in front of children

Well it’s true that in terms of discretion you started with a big handicap in the person of your daughter, but what do you want. It’s by making rookie mistakes that you learn: You should NEVER bad-mouth people in front of your kids. Yep, because kids are competitive assholes who don’t care about our tortuous fairness codes and will gladly repeat everything. Then it’s none of their business what we adults think of each other.

I don’t know if it’s very reassuring for a child to see his parents vent verbally to the people they were smiling at ten minutes ago. Mainly because she puts your daughter in a very awkward position, especially if she likes Uncle Dam (she has the right to like her, even if they’re rotten). But in the end, the main thing is that she was able to resolve this conflict of loyalties in her own way, even if she screwed it up for you.

In life you have to assume (a minimum)

Back to your sister, provided you never let her talk to your daughter again, you can try to reconnect with a message that will open the discussion without directing her, for example: “- If you want to talk about what my daughter said, don’t hesitate, it would be nice to clarify things. ” OR : ” – It’s strange what happened on Saturday, it would be nice to talk about it“…After these are just examples, you can write whatever you want, as long as you never lie, neither when sending the message nor afterwards. It’s useless, the damage is done and your sister already knows that you can’t stand Uncle Dam. And even if, by some miracle, you manage to make him believe that you actually adore his mate, you condemn yourself to an eternity of such fake smiles and approvals how excited as soon as the boy opens his big mouth. Help.

Apologize for hurting your sister, not for what you said

We don’t have to question what the little girl said, everyone knows that children only lie when it’s in their best interests, and for this little girl: one less uncle would especially risk ‘having one less present on her birthday, so don’t there is interest in knocking out the brother-in-law for free. Rather than making excuses for yourself, focus on what matters: your hurt sister. This is the time to sincerely apologize and admit that if you had something to reproach Uncle Dam with, you should have said it to his face or said nothing.

At this point in the story, your sister might normally want to know more about your opinion of her boyfriend. And if you can take this opportunity to test the waters and verify that she’s happy in her relationship, stay as concrete and vague as possible when elegantly invoking a simple hooked atom story. Your sister really isn’t the one you can drool over Uncle Dam with. She Find someone else for it and make sure you don’t get caught this time.

I leave you, I have to buy my daughter’s silence with a lollipop.

bisette,

Your daronne