When will the kiss end, please?

Article originally published in April 2020

So, I’m warning you from the start: I’m not a hypochondriac. At least, I don’t think so. Maybe a little actually, I don’t know, but this “phobia” of the wind has nothing to do with the transmission of viruses and microbes of all kinds.

I, on the other hand, don’t like physical contact, and even less with people I don’t know.

So I hate being kissed.

I hate that it’s borderline irritating to each other if I refuse to, I hate that girls are more “forced” to extend their cheek rather than their hand than boys, I hate having to lie and say “I don’t want not to kiss, I’m sick” to someone who approaches me in a contact movement, when I’m not feeling bad at all.

I just don’t want to touch my interlocutor, without having to offend him with my refusal.

Kissing: this tradition that worries me

Well, on the other hand, while I’m not a hypochondriac, I have a panicky fear of vomiting. What is the ratio you ask me? Well it is that every year, when the gastro epidemic hits France, I limit my physical contact with others even more, in order not to contract this terrible and hyper-distressing disease for me.

And I just need to ease my vigilance once to remind myself that people are still a little thebes on the sidelines, especially when they kiss you and then just say “I’m coming off a gastro phew, I’ve spent the last 3 days at throw up my insides.” BUT THEN WHY ARE YOU GLUING YOUR CHEEK TO MINE, KILLBUG?

hello big bastards

People make me tired, it’s not possible.

Especially when their excuse is: “ah but that’s fine, now I’m not throwing up, that’s fine eh!” “No, it’s not good. You are still contagious, you have probably caught this virus because your hand hygiene is beyond any doubt, so please keep your mouth off my skin, thank you very much.

Do you find me a little too violent and radical? Yes sure. Will it change my way of seeing things? Probably not.

Kiss each other and transmit many diseases

Nah because ok, if there was only gastro that we could take while kissing, phobia aside, it could be fine, let’s say.

But do you know what happens even with this simple contact? Meningitis, rubella, herpes, mononucleosis, streptococcus, and I give you a thousand: the coronavirus. Isn’t this enough to appease the ardor of the fervent defenders of the wind? I don’t know what they need.

And you know what pisses me off even more? Whether it’s me looking like a crazy maniac who washes my hands more than others or refuses to kiss people. It’s still not a problem not wanting to get sick, is it?

Me during the gastro and covid epidemics

With Covid-19, it’s time to stick to good habits

Also, aside from the diseases it transmits fast like the last hit of the Magic System, you never know how to kiss properly.

Is this a kiss? Of them ? Three ? Twelve ? “Which region do you live in? » « Oh nah I start with the right cheek! “Ah me, it’s on the left!” “. But damn it.

There are those who attack your cheek without making the small noise of a kiss, there are those who lick you all the way, limit your cheekbone, one blow out of 8 slips into a slap directly on the mouth, but make up your mind!

While with a hello from afar, without touching, everything is much clearer, simpler and above all less coarse.

I tell myself that if there is to be one bright spot in this global pandemic, it is that the end of this horrible craze may finally sound, and that people won’t start licking my pear again until they did a long time ago.

Not to mention that all these barrier gestures are currently limiting the next gastro epidemic, as he has taken the reflex to wash his hands a little more often than once every two days. You never know, hope makes you live it seems.

And since I don’t want to put a giant condom on my head to avoid getting germs, or have to piss off everyone who stretches my cheek in the hope that I’ll stick my lips to it, I propose a real activism on the pure and simple end of this mania, for all genders and in all situations.

That’s all for me, thank you, kisses (from afar).

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