Estelle, 45 years old: “I had a child by myself, I bought an apartment by myself, I traveled the world by myself”

• First name : And she
• Age : 45 years
• Place of life: Ile-de-France
• Singles from: ten years
• Sexual orientation: hetero

How long have you been single?

I have been single for ten years. I have since been in shorter relationships, sometimes lasting a few months. The latest is a holiday crush in 2022, while in Mexico.

I find it difficult to answer the question why I really don’t know how to define what a relationship is or isn’t. I notice that today things are much more blurry than a few years ago about the status that a relationship can have, the way we communicate, ghosting or many other things. I have the impression that many people try to consume others and leave at the slightest difficulty.

I prefer when it’s more framed. I was taught values ​​like respect, communication with others, and at the moment I don’t find it in men. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time I don’t want to follow the codes of the dating of the 21st century and that I might meet someone later, ten years from now, at an age where we’ll be mature enough to pass certain societal standards.

What is your relationship with being single?

I had a few boyfriends as a teenager, two long relationships at 18 and 20. I didn’t have a lasting relationship then. I’ve been looking for years for a man to have a good story with, possibly have children. It never worked though.

I’ve done tons of therapy and coaching trying to figure this out because it didn’t work. I worked on my childhood, my family relationships, my relationship with myself, my wounds… Always asking myself: “Why can’t I have a long relationship when everyone else seems to? ».

I have not found an answer, but thus I learned to know myself better, to relate better with myself and with others, and above all to understand that it wasn’t my fault or anyone else’s. It’s a matter of luck, timing and society. I am a very independent woman, very militant, with a strong character and I believe that even today, for some men, being with a woman who doesn’t need him is difficult.

At 40 I had suffered enough. I have decided not to look for a partner anymore and not be in a relationship anymore. I took a three year hiatus during which I was able to mourn all these relationships. Five years later, I feel independent, free to think, to live, to be.

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

Sometimes I wonder if I have fewer friends in a relationship because I’m single, but I’m not sure. My celibacy has no impact on my friendship life, nor my family lifeespecially about my parents.

After mourning a long relationship with a man I could have started a family with, I took the time to reflect on parenting. Did I really want it? I had never thought of having a child alone (for me it was necessarily two) and I took the time to think about it.

And then the possibility of PMA came up and I thought to myself” I’ve always done everything by myself. Having a child is something I can do on my own.”

“PMA worked the first time”

I told my family about it, my father was reluctant at first, my mother much less so. Finally, I involved all my relatives in this project and I felt pampered right to the end, especially by the women around me. Whether it’s my family, my friends or my colleagues, everyone treated me with kindness, respect and kindness.

I’ve only had two negative comments, from a fairly conservative co-worker and from a man on a dating site, who insulted me for it.

PMA worked the first time and the pregnancy went very well. The birth was a very touching moment, with my mother next to me as I gave birth to my daughter. He held my hand, there was my daughter and our three generations together, maybe it was even more beautiful than with a man.

My daughter and I have an excellent relationship, and I take her everywhere with me: on trips, to events, to the museum… My parents can keep her sometimes, and give me time for myself. I have no comments on my solo parenting, or so, positive comments. I think I have thought so much about my choices, they make me so happy and I assume them so much, that there is no room for judgment in my life.

Does being single affect your daily morale?

It negatively affected my morale before when I dreamed of having a great story. Because I was sad that I couldn’t make it, I sometimes clung to toxic relationships that hurt me.

Today that is no longer the case. I discovered how to flourish on my own and satisfy my needs, wants and desires on my own.

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

I have a free spirit. I’m not anxious because I’m waiting for a text or out of fear of being jilted. Without this weight, I move much faster! I realize myself in my professional life and in my private life.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

No, I do everything by myself. Films, restaurants, holidays in France and abroad, museums… I’ve traveled the world by myself, I’ve gone to live alone abroad, I’ve had a child by myself, I’ve bought an apartment by myself.

Sometimes I tell myself that even two could be cool, but I don’t miss it. Except for the zipper of my dress in the back! Or sometimes take me in your arms, for intercourse or an orgasm… But too bad. Stories with men have, to this day, it brought more trouble than happiness.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

I’ve been on dating apps, but what a horror! I’ve only found disappointments, sometimes even threats, and it takes too much time and energy to get zero results. I don’t know how people do it, it’s super tiring.

I’ve given up on the idea of ​​”looking” for someone. It’s all about luck and timing, so I let life take its course.

I’m less patient than before, I’m less involved. If I see that the man is not there from the start, I stop. Also, I have a son and a job with many responsibilities, I have too little time. If life throws a nice person in my path and it’s reciprocated, I’ll open up, if not, I’ll stop looking.

Does Single Love Affect Your Sex Life?

I’ve been looking for links for a while but it’s still disappointing. More often than not, the boy is complicated, he acts like he’s not available or plays a childish game. I thought about paying a prostitute, but I gave up, it’s not in my values.

Too bad, because I think I’m in my best years of sex. I am fulfilled, I love myself more, I feel comfortable with my body and I no longer have complexes.

Do you feel a form of injunction to have an affair?

At all ! Either way, I know how to put people in their place if they tell me something.

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

I’ve already asked for my thoughts: “But how is it possible that you are alone, when you are beautiful and intelligent! You must be too demanding or boring… “. Seriously ?! It’s not normal to hear these things.

Thanks to Estelle for answering our questions!

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