My boyfriend is ready to have a baby but I’m not, what should I do?

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I am 32 years old and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 14 years. I’ve lived all these years in a generally idyllic way, but only for a few months my stable universe and my charted future seem to be in question. For some time now, I’ve been blaming my partner for things I overlooked before, including her difficulty communicating her frustrations and his pain. He too has been ready for several years to welcome a child, I am not. He doesn’t push me, but he wonders when I’ll be ready.

We are a monogamous couple and this rule had never posed any problems until then. But I met another guy who was the exact opposite of my boyfriend. Nothing ever physically happened, but we confessed our mutual attraction. We agreed that nothing would happen, because I am not going to leave my boyfriend and after these confessions, this boy has distanced himself and I see it very badly, like a real heartbreak.

I am completely lost. Help my dear Daronne,

Mr

Daronne’s answer

My little Christmas tree,

I hope that between the moment you wrote to me and the moment I answer you, you will not have suffered Christmas celebrations punctuated by the assaults of an Uncle Fabrice who absolutely wants to know” if you plan to get there soon “. For the uninitiated, the term go ahead with it defines the action of reproducing when one is female and does not seem to care about the basic biological principles involving the participation of a male gamete in carrying out the task. If not, I’m sorry and I deeply sympathize.

As for what bugs you, since you’re used to this column, you know I’m a devoted Daronne and have therefore listed your problems to answer them in order.

problem no. 1: distress

I start here, because the thwarted feeling of love has this paradoxical thing about both of them being so painful that sometimes you’d rather cut off all your toes to finally be with the guy you love and at the same time often perfectly benign. When you are inside, you tell yourself that your existence is over, when you are outside, everything is fine again.

The crushes in a monogamous couple life, there are some and some hurt the face, it wouldn’t be fun otherwise. But in my opinion, not all favorites are meant to be consumed. Not before cleaning up her life anyway. If it’s the first time you’ve had a love this strong, it can still make you wonder why it happened, especially if the guy in question is the opposite of your good Jules.

If I were a sentimental coach appearing on TV, I’d tell you that nothing happens by chance and that everything is orchestrated by our unconscious. But as I’m just your Daronne, I’d tell you I don’t know anything about it, but if in doubt it’s worth checking, which still adds to the second problem I’ll develop in the next paragraph.

One last thing, if you don’t know who to confide in, I thought of something that helped me a lot when I was young: forums and other online platforms where you can vent your heart and chat anonymously (although you have to be careful, I know.)

Well here at Madmoizelle we have a forum, this could be the time to start.

problem no. Myth #2: Sometimes long-term dating is a pain

Sometimes my letters are as piquant as a slice of plain bread with a good glass of warm water, and so here’s what I say: all couples have big losses. Well here, thanks, it was worth spending hours texting me, huh? But what I mean by that is that we know it’s hard for everyone, and that making a long-term commitment necessarily involves dealing with crises and crushes to cry in pain.

But we always tell ourselves that WE will be able to avoid it. Com-mu-ni-que-ra, we will love each other more, we will be smarter than everyone else. Then really no, BAM, we’re like friends and one day we find ourselves glaring at our boyfriend wondering if he’s getting worse with age or if he’s always been this obnoxious.

What a fun program! But ultimately, there’s a benefit to these crises, is that we can do something about it. You grew up together, you became adults. It’s time to face your adult personalities and adjust them a bit if necessary or make the necessary decisions (breakup, opening up, fresh start, etc.). Have a discussion, put everything on plan, vent your frustrations, as a couple or with the help of a professional and lift your hearts, my little boys!

problem no. 3: non-reciprocal desire

Well, it gets tricky because as far as I know, we still can’t make a single half of a baby or unmold a baby that we’ll only see one weekend every two weeks. Ah sorry, I was told on the headset that yes it is possible for men. Shame on us.

Compromises being therefore…compromise (hu hu hu), you will end up having to make your own decision without letting yourself be blinded by your love for each other. Having a child, or not having a child, just to please your boyfriend or girlfriend is a guaranteed disaster.

If your family’s wishes diverge so much that it is now clear, this way no one is wasting time and you can consider the rest, whether it is a separation… or not. Nowadays, parenting patterns are diversifying, for example, if you really don’t want a child, your boyfriend can do it with another person or a couple. While I am aware that if these parenting models become more democratic (and MUCH BETTER, the one-model atmosphere Strike for everyone starts to look good), they are not made for everyone (like almost everything in life). But hey… why not explore all the explorable possibilities?

Sorry for this mail that clarifies more than it helps, but I hope you will find the answers there.

I’m leaving you, I have to go mow the lawn.

bisette,

Your daronne

Photo credit image of one: Getty Images Signature