Nice photo, but not enough fire: How to tell where the line between flirting and harassment lies?

Every day we communicate with completely different people. With someone closer, someone more restrained. And the degree of acceptable intimacy for each of us is different. Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish the way a person communicates from their attempts to violate our boundaries.

You may have been uncomfortable communicating with certain people, whether it’s a personal meeting or correspondence. And most likely, it was difficult for you to answer correctly. And you hardly thought that this could be a manifestation of harassment.

In this article, we’ll take a look at where the line between harassment and dating lies, and we’ll also tell you what to do if you fall into this trap.

Broadly speaking, harassment means any unwanted physical or verbal behavior towards you by another person if it seems insulting or offensive to you.

But we’re all used to counting sexual harassment as harassment. However, this is not only rude physical contact, but also sincere compliments and comments on appearance, which can fly at any time and any place (even in ordinary correspondence in instant messengers).

It’s important to understand that harassment isn’t about reciprocity or genuine interest between people, it’s just about power.

And this power is in the hands of the abuser. It can be a person with a stronger or higher status, and this applies to both physical strength and self-confidence, finances and other parameters that it surpasses you.

If the communication causes discomfort or even fear, it is a direct call that you are being harassed. A classic example of non-physical abuse is something that happens to one of two girls every day: whistling in the back. These confident and absolutely inappropriate reviews about the figure, the length of the skirt, the depth of the neckline and other charms of female appearance.

Dikpiks are here too (photos of genitalia come from nowhere and without a word of introduction). Great if you don’t know what it is.

As mentioned above, there is also a form of harassment, such as messages and comments:

“You’re an adult now and can kiss you anywhere”

“Photo is beautiful but fire is not enough”

“What humble immorality. Come to me, I’ll show you what aesthetics is”

“Is this a belt to tie you up?”

And perhaps the most disgusting example: “Wet kitty.” Curtain.

All these phrases are borrowed from a direct profile on social networks, the author of which prefers to remain anonymous.

You can not do without the opinion of an expert on this complex issue. We asked Natalya Zhukova, a neuropsychologist-rehabilitologist with more than 13 years of experience, founder and rector of the University of Modern Psychology, to talk about how to respond to any manifestation of harassment.

Natalya Zhukova, neuropsychologist-rehabilitologist

Life is complex – there is so much unpredictability and uncertainty in it. People have different perceptions of personal boundaries. All cases are individual. Therefore, it is very difficult to tell where the line between flirting and harassment lies. First of all, you need to listen to your feelings.

Discomfort is a direct signal of violence.

Each partner needs a setup where they may dislike the behavior of the other, must be ready to notice the discontent in time and withdraw.

The subjectivity of the person whose attention is directed by harassment is lost. Courtship is always aimed at making the other person happy.

Harassment, on the other hand, does not take into account the interests of other people, it makes the second person feel bad.

What should you do if you have been harassed?

“Remember that you don’t have to deal with sexual trauma alone. You are not responsible for what happened and you deserve understanding, acceptance and help.

Don’t shut up, don’t be alone. Now you need spiritual support, listening and acceptance. Try to spend time with your loved ones.

— It is very important to understand whether you are still experiencing a psychological trauma and how it manifests itself in your daily life. Is it hard to trust other people? Do you feel disconnected from your body? All these conditions are a reason to consult a specialist.

– If you feel that the internal resources are not sufficient, seek help. Consider what suits you best: personal contact with an expert or a support group.