A good girl went bad: how to stop being available to everyone?

“Good girls” evoke the approval of others: they are modeled and offered to be equals. They don’t make a sound, they don’t give opinions and they don’t stand out at all because it’s so true. But being good is also being comfortable. And comfortable, as a rule, do not be happy.

From early childhood, we form certain patterns of behavior, with the help of which we adapt to life in the family, and then at school, in the team and in society as a whole. Being comfortable for everyone is one of the popular patterns that parents continue to instill in their daughters. If your behavior doesn’t fit the generally accepted picture, adults are unhappy and prophesy a lonely old age with cats, scaring you with the expectation of “who will marry you”, rewarding you with the title of family disgrace, and saying “no one would be friends with such people”.

Over time you will achieve accuracy, gain pluses, and have a good attitude. But with them you lose yourself and you cease to be happy because you never live by your own rules.

Five Signs of a Relaxed Girl

• More often you give up or make concessions against your own opinion, desires.
• Low self-esteem. You can be easily manipulated.
• You do your best to please.
• Lack of pursuit of happiness. You do not think about how you feel good, you are ready to endure for the sake of others.
• Monophobia.

If you read and understand that this whole story is about you, it’s time to correct the situation.

A specialist will help us with this – Natalia Repina, a meditation teacher, psychologist of interpersonal and family relations, founder and teacher of the Institute of Contemporary Meditations. He will talk about how to return to himself and find true desires.

Natalia Repina, psychologist

All our problems come from childhood

In childhood, each of us looks like a blank slate, and it is adults who leave notes of their own importance. Parents, grandparents, teachers and coaches at school are constantly telling you how to live.

The child is an individual. A little person needs to be understood and helped to open up.

Many parents don’t want or don’t know how to do this right. From their side you can hear more often: “I am older and smarter.” Such words do not speak of the wisdom of adults. Rather, it is an indication of their selfishness, their willingness to instruct and manipulate.

In the process of communication with adults, the child creates a model of behavior: from unconditional surrender to open rebellion. Children who choose to obey become comfortable with anyone.

Impact of installations

Suppose there is no pressure from the parents. How does a person grow up without manipulation and other “troubles”?

Knowing your own limits. With it comes inner freedom and self-confidence, a high culture of personality, loyalty and honesty are formed. A person acquires traits such as peacefulness, sensitivity and empathy. It is distinguished by purposefulness, optimism and cheerfulness.

An important bonus to a person free from traumatic attitudes is the development of intelligence, common sense, openness and friendliness.

Internal tension and stress

A child feels nervous when constantly faced with the desire of others to see him in a certain role. Often unconsciously, it leads to the development of stress, intolerance to oneself and others, anger to the whole world.

But showing your true feelings is dangerous – adults may not like your “irritating” behavior. You must behave unnaturally, hiding under the mask of responsiveness.

It turns out a complex cake of emotions. Inside the ideal kind person, there is growing anger and constant tension in the midst of it. They force you to adapt to the desires of important adults, to the environment. The top layer of the “cake” is additional disguise and false goodwill.

In this case, it’s easy to get confused about roles and masks. Over time, an inner feeling of emptiness and hopelessness may come.

Is it possible to discover your true desires??

Definitely. At first it will be difficult for you to perceive all the thoughts and feelings from the “cake”. You must immediately return to your essence, the primary layer, through meditation and self-immersion.

Thanks to this application, you will begin to understand yourself and what you want from life. The demands and attitudes imposed by society and parents will disappear. You will learn to say “no” to sentences that do not fit.

You should be prepared for the fact that the attitude of others will change, someone will stop communicating. But manipulators who need a suitable person will be replaced by new interesting people. Cooperation with them will take place on an equal footing, in an open dialogue.

What should we do?

Natalia recommends starting meditation to hear your true desires and reveal your true feelings.

Sit comfortably, turn on some nice relaxing music, close your eyes. Start filling the middle of your chest with light, create a ball of light there and fill yourself and the 10-20 meter diameter space around you with that light.

Observe yourself for 15 minutes and ask yourself questions about how you are feeling. Gradually, you will feel how the situation has changed, confidence is growing. Opportunities are opening up before you that you might not have thought of before.

And here are the suggestions from The Fashion Vibes

• Analyze your behavior. In what actions do you oppose yourself?
• Talk about your feelings, especially negative ones.
• Do what you want. Don’t force yourself into something you don’t like (if you don’t like movies, you don’t have to pretend you want to go to the movies).
• Defend your point of view, especially on matters of principle.
• Value yourself and your time. Put your own interests above the interests of others.