Irony of Fate or Mild Abuse: Toxic Vapors from Soviet Films

The word “toxic”, and even more so “abuse”, did not exist in the Soviet Union, but nevertheless, their meaning was determined on the basis of many stories in the cinema of that period. Let’s be honest in general, some cult movies that later turned into local classics are in no way inferior to Turkish TV series in terms of love drama content. Take, for example, the famous movie “Afonya”, in which throughout the plot the main character uses the feelings of the naive nurse Katya, who has fallen in love with him without memory. And although a happy ending awaits the audience in the finale, we have no doubt that such a relationship has no future. And if “Afonya” had been filmed now, in an age of fixed personal boundaries and absolute self-love, the end of this story would have been completely different.

Soviet films showed people’s relationships as they really are and fully corresponded to the mentality of that generation. That’s why most of those who grew up in “Office Romance,” “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” and other legendary movies don’t notice any unhealthy connections between the characters in the plots. And they are more worried about the relationship between Vasya and Nadia from the movie “Love and Pigeons” more than themselves.

Together Yasno service psychotherapist Galina Laisheva understands toxic relationships between couples using examples from popular Soviet films.

Galina Laisheva, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist of the Yasno service

Lyudmila Prokofievna and Novoseltsev, Office Romance

Heroes change and become happy because they manage to establish the “balance of power” correctly. At the beginning of the movie, he is the boss, a henpecked man who suppresses emotions and aggression. Lyudmila Prokofievna, on the other hand, suppresses femininity in herself, which is understandable – the image of the boss in a Soviet film cannot be weak or flirtatious, such a commander will not be taken seriously.

Novoseltsev has an internal conflict between the desire to prove himself and the fear of rejection, so he is often accused of lying. He acts inconsistently and is strangely afraid to show his positive qualities. Lyudmila Prokofievna struggles with the same paradox: if you are weak, you will be trampled on, which means that the sensitive feelings on which intimacy is built must be locked away.

Fortunately, in the movie, both manage to explore and show their different sides, which makes each of them stronger and calmer. In real life, if partners play such rigid roles (one subjecting the other to control, anxiety, or outright prohibitions), the system may remain stable for a long time. The main disadvantage is that it is impossible to be different and improve.

Katya and Gosha, “Moscow does not believe in tears”

In these relationships, Katya stands up firmly. She realizes that she is strong, confident, successful and independent. Unlike Lyudmila Prokofievna from Office Romance, this heroine is whole and does not suppress her emotions. But she wants to be able to rely on someone else to show her “feminine weakness” that is always present in the heroes of Soviet films. Gosha is perfect for meeting this need – he is strong, self-confident, ready to shoulder (unlike other men whose hero is disappointed). However, Gosha has strict ideas about “male” and “female” qualities, which leads to conflict. He wants Katya to be soft and weak next to him, afraid to see her succeed. The hero knows his own worth, but does not understand how to cope with the high status of his beloved. For him, this is a serious emotional test and he cannot stand it: he distances himself, drinks, hides his feelings.

Katya and Gosha meet each other’s needs and this brings them closer. But they also have qualities that set them apart. In “Office Romance” the characters help each other to resolve their internal conflicts, but here both sides only exacerbate the problem. The question is, will they be able to deal with this contradiction and find a balance?

Many people on social media say they don’t. Gosha is patriarchal, constantly devalues ​​Katya, apparently their couple is doomed. But it is advisable not to be so categorical and dream that Katya and Gosha came to a family psychotherapy session, learning to show strength and weakness depending on the situation. This couple needs to negotiate with each other and discuss everything that does not suit them. Heroes have a chance to improve relationships, but for that they both need to want to change. Gosha needs to be softer and accept Katya’s strengths, but Katya also needs to learn how to soften corners. We don’t know if the heroes will be successful.

Nadya and Vasya, Love and Pigeons

The relationship that was romantic in this couple turned into a parent. Over the years of their life together, the partners lost interest in each other, as important unusual people who can give vivid emotions and surprises. That doesn’t mean their relationship is toxic. On the contrary, they feel daily despair: there are familiar unresolved conflicts, there are few positive experiences in common and the desire to create it. It is no coincidence that Vasya went to rest alone – there is accumulated irritation in him due to unspoken complaints and dissatisfaction. Their communication with Nadia consists only of everyday problems and the children are already grown up and living their own lives.

In psychology, this crisis is called the “empty nest”: if parents no longer have to solve their children’s problems, they need to remember why they love and respect each other. If there is no answer to this question, partners often move away, disperse and begin to look for someone else. Nadya and Vasya underestimate each other, like a boring addition to children and home.

A relationship with Raisa Ivanovna, oddly enough, brings partners face to face with each other – their new relationship, as before, is hidden from the eyes of children (this is important!), They experienced strong emotions (loss, pain, guilt) and saw the value of each other in a new way . Most cheat to feel like a different person, emotional and inspiring. Vasya and Nadia managed to revive their feelings, remembering that they are both living people.

Zhenya and Nadia, “The Irony of Fate or Enjoy Your Bath”

Zhenya is childish – she lives with her mother, makes decisions with difficulty, is afraid of responsibility and is pathologically drunk. The hero is a “shadow” of Hippolyte, but this shadow also has positive qualities: spontaneous, playful, open to new things and ready to show their emotions. For Nadia, this reverse side is attractive. Maybe he feels like a strange kid next to Hippolyte, needing to limit his freedom and sensuality in order to comply with her plans.

Then their love with Zhenya is the union of two children who defy the rules. This magnificence allows you to ignore the toxic side of Zhenya – the lack of a so-called “healthy adult” who is ready to take responsibility, to be independent and emotionally stable.

Problems with alcohol are also difficult to ignore – Zhenya does not control herself well, and Nadia accepts a dependent relationship, regulates her behavior and worries about her. The characters in the film do not have bright psychological dynamics – they do not change, do not come to a new understanding of themselves. Therefore, the finale seems clear, and the prospects for a long and happy life together are very uncertain.

Larisa Dmitrievna and Paratov, Brutal Romance

In Ostrovsky’s “Dowry” Larisa is very emotional, open and full of love. For him, his feelings come first. Paratov’s betrayal inflicts a serious wound on the heroine. He loses his object of love and sinks into indifference. He doesn’t care what happens next. Before the arrival of Paratov, Larisa is as if under anesthesia – she does not feel anything, and in search of consolation she accepts a relationship with Karandyshev, which was insignificant to her. The hero admits that he has lost his ideal. It idealizes one man and devalues ​​the other – such behavior is characteristic of narcissists.

Paratov is also a narcissist but comes from a different ancestry. Unlike Larisa, she feels great – and leans towards her from the position of her own glory. As Mironov’s character says in The Ordinary Miracle: “You are attractive, and I am very attractive.” By idealizing himself, he idealizes her. Paratov perceives Larisa as something expensive. She is beautiful, intelligent, sensual, and it suits her perfectly, like a perfect chariot or a horse. It is natural that they become close and then betray Paratov, because the heroine does not think about how Larisa feels. He lacks empathy, acts selfishly, uses the girl for joy and satisfaction of his desires. Larisa plunges into the whirlpool of relationships, not thinking about the consequences. At the same time, he hopes that Paratov will choose him again and stay with him, and he punishes himself by preparing to have a toy in his hand.

In the final, Larisa dies. This is Karandyshev’s revenge, but we can easily imagine how the hero took possession of himself, as his life lost its main meaning. It cannot be said that the relationship between Larisa and Paratov was romanticized in the film. The brilliance and brilliance of their romance is attractive, but the viewer is given a full experience of pain and destruction – the consequences of choosing a partner who is dangerous, emotionally unavailable, not ready to respect other people’s feelings.