The mental load of women explodes at Christmas: how to fix it (besides abolishing sexism)?

Who hasn’t felt stressed as Christmas approaches? If the reasons can be various, such as the fear of confronting one’s own family with which one does not share the same ideas on everything, the fear of falling back into an unbearable parent-child dynamic or even that of having to mimic joy while still unpacking a year the wearable sweatshirt offered by Aunt Linda like all other Christmases, the to-do list which never empties during this period remains one of the most important sources of stress for many women.

According to an IPSOS study for Qare released last November, 40% of women say they are definitely anxious as the holiday season approaches. 53% of them are mothers between the ages of 35 and 54. It’s no surprise then that Christmas only amplifies the mental load women already experience on a daily basis for the rest of the year. Men, on the other hand, would generally not feel interested in the topic, at 62%.

The end of the year celebrations, the peak of the mental load

Margot is a film student. But if you are currently experiencing a period of great stress, it is not because of the upcoming exams. She actually she is The fast approaching Christmas season makes her anxious :

“I don’t have to get ready to receive my family or prepare the meal, but Christmas is still a very stressful time. I have to think about each other’s gifts, help my male friends who never have ideas, accompany them in their shopping because they say they don’t know how to do it, advise them… And I never have the heart to say no, unfortunately. When I think of D-Day, my stomach also makes a knot: I’ll have to help prepare, serve the meal, clear the table… Because that’s what polite girls in my family have to do. »

A testimony that does not surprise Aurélia Schneider, psychiatrist and author of the book The mental load of women… and that of men. It reminds us that although both genders are exposed to a mental load, the distribution of this remains very genre-based to this day. This would also explain why 62% of men surveyed during the above-mentioned IPSOS study feel unconcerned about the issue of mental workload at Christmas:

“To get back to basics, the mental workload is having to think about many things at the same time. For example, when you’re at work, you have to think about multiple tasks at once, or you have to think about both your work and errands for the kids. Men are exposed to this mental load, but it is usually limited to work, while in regards to the house, it falls to women. »

Accept to delegate in order to breathe

Nothing new under the sun, therefore, which does not mean that the situation is completely fixed. Véronique*, married and mother, decided 2 years ago not to throw big parties for Christmas anymore. He had this shot at the time of Covid, where, as a precaution, he had decided to celebrate Christmas only with her husband and daughter:

“It was a real revolution for me to see that it was possible to have a good Christmas with the family without necessarily putting the plates in the big ones. The meal was simple, even in the evening, but everyone was happy. Me the first, that I didn’t have to run everywhere to do the Christmas shopping, prepare dinner, do the housework… Since then we only celebrate Christmas at three, and it’s much better this way. »

An inspiring testimony, therefore, which invites you to question your priorities without giving up these end-of-year family celebrations.

Another solution proposed by the psychiatrist Aurélia Schneider, to abuse yourself and learn to delegate in order to finally be able to breathe:

“The trick is just to assign a task to everyone, and remember that the task must be done from A to Z by the manager, without having to think about the other tasks that we have delegated. It may seem simple said that way, but I know that many women they struggle with it. For my part, I’ve learned to really delegate by trying not to think about tasks that no longer concern me. When the person with whom I share my life has to take care of the dishes, they go from filling them to putting them away in the cupboards, and I don’t intervene at any stage of the process. I let it happen, even if I’m afraid it’s done wrong. »

Find strategies to ease the guilt

The problem with this trick is that it’s easy to feel guilty that things aren’t perfect. A big problem, especially when one tends to confront one another, but one that can be eliminated very quickly, continues the psychiatrist:

“In the age of social networks, it’s hard not to chase perfection: the best Christmas party, the best decor, the best meal, the best dress… Even though we know that what we see on social media isn’t reality, we tend to identify it as such. I therefore recommend talking to friends, those you trust and don’t fear judgment, and see how everyone is organised. So, we quickly realize that everyone does what they can: one such person will skip decorating and cleaning up, while the other will settle for frozen New Year’s Eve appetizers. Putting things into perspective helps release the pressure, and sharing this kind of information with loved ones is the best way to relieve yourself. »

Advice that can be useful, although, again, losing that weight is a task that too often falls exclusively on women.

Thus, while it is common to experience a lot of stress during this period, feeling a heavy mental load as Christmas approaches is not in itself inevitable: with a lot of progress on mental load and a little strategic planning, we can be able to lighten a load, for how small it can be.

*Name has been changed

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