I dated the musician I was a fan of as a teenager

Article originally published on October 15, 2019

In June 2007 I am 14 years old and I come across an independent musical group made up of four men and a woman. At the time, I lived in a small town with little access to culture: the music my friends and I listened to was on TV and radio.

Being a fan of a teenage band

When this group, unknown to the battalion, broke into my life, talking about music, art and a whole world I knew nothing about, I was immediately full of admiration for these five people. They answered, in this crucial period of my life, the questions that tormented me. Real trigger to allow me to affirm my tastes and ideas, I built my culture from their references.

I was lucky enough to be able to see them in concert several times, especially one day when my parents prepared me a surprise: to skip class on a Friday afternoon to go to Paris to see them play in a small club. I remember that at the end of the concert they sat at the bar in the hall, but that I didn’t dare to go and see them, with my pimples and braces …

Ten years later, I have been living in Paris for a few years. My taste for music has not disappointed me and I go to concerts regularly.

I have lived stories of love, friendship, new jobs, new cities. In short, many things have happened in my life, but I often have a tender thought for this group.

Meet the musician at a concert

And then one evening in March 2018 I found myself face to face with the drummer of the famous group of my adolescence, who came to attend my own concert. He stops and looks at me. I guess he must also see a young woman in front of him stop, with round eyes like your uncle at Christmasand making a movement of the mouth somewhat similar to that of a chick stuck in the glue.

After this exchange of glances, I ran into the bathroom of the room and smiled stupidly, all alone, telling myself that life was good and quite fun. Who would have thought that ten years after my musical crush, I would meet this man?

A little voice told me in my head: It’s crazy, it’s a little thanks to him that I lead this hectic Parisian life, surrounded by culture, stating my ideas and opinions so easily. “.

After two drinks, I don’t hide from you that my desire to show him all my affection has appeared. So it was with a tender smile that I approached him to say: ” Your name is XXX. You played in this room 10 years ago and I was there “.

I wanted to entrust him with everything he had given me with his group e to say thank you. Thank you for helping to make me the woman I am today.

Spend the night talking to the musician of my teenage dreams

Contact passed very quickly and we drank together. The evening dragged on, we strolled through the dark streets of Paris and he took me back to his apartment.

We talked all night and I can still see myself scrolling through his entire library. We had a lot in common: we liked the same authors and owned the same records. Not surprisingly, since most of my cultural references came from him.

Things were starting to get weird. I had before me a man who made me laugh, whom I found sweet, kind and very handsome. I found a man I liked, far from the image I could have made of him and which, apparently, I liked it too.

We ended up falling asleep peacefully next to each other, then we spent the morning discovering ourselves, looking at each other for long minutes. In his eyes I felt the most beautiful thing in the world and at the same time I kept thinking “ My god, what am I doing here ?! “.

A love affair begins with the musician I was a fan of as a teenager

I think we were both wondering what was going to happen: would we see each other again? Was it reasonable to meet again?

We met again a few days later.

At first he got carried away, pulling out the heavy artillery of romanticism to seduce me. He had just separated after a very long relationship and with me he had rediscovered the taste for adventure and the attraction of the first emotions. Very unaccustomed to living good stories, I found myself receiving sweet things via text, being invited to romantic dates and spending evenings making love, then listening to him play the piano for me while drinking red wine and smoking my naked cigarette next to it. to him…

The romance was great on paper, but I was terrified of what I was going through.

Did I have a strong admiration for him? Were we experiencing true love at first sight? It burned my brain not to know the difference: did I really like him because of his personality or was I drawn to everything he meant to me?

After a few weeks of meetings and discoveries, I was finally sure of myself and ready to embark on this adventure forever. This is obviously the moment he chose to leave.

He ended up telling me he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship again. Later, he confided to me that he did fear of the unusual configuration we found ourselves in.

The break with the musician we admired as a teenager

I have been very angry with him for a long time, accusing him of all the wrongs in this story. He was older than me and had already lived through long stories. Given his enthusiasm for him, I rarely trusted a man, telling me that he knew what he was doing.

In hindsight, again I have my faults.

I tried to be natural and to live this beginning of the story like everyone else … but deep down I was constantly on the edge and I absolutely did not handle the emotions of the teenager that I had been coming back every moment.

So how do you recover when the one you’ve admired since you were a teenager tells you he’s the happiest man in the world by your side and then dumps you a week later because the situation isn’t that easy it seems? I suffered for long weeks, sometimes regretting having dared to speak to him. After so many tears and anger, I ended up crying this story, and remembering only the feeling of well-being I felt being in his arms.

People meet at work, through friends or passions. The last ten years and the admiration I felt for him obviously played into the happiness I felt when he kissed me … so what? Now I can objectively recognize what attracted me to him. However, this meeting was beautiful and unique. It didn’t last between us, it wasn’t the right time, too bad, this is life.

And it’s worth living.