My mother has a favorite grandchild, isn’t that sad?

Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice dressed in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to save a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have two children and my mother is very attached to my eldest son. They have a close relationship, they adore each other. And it is true that they have the same characters and they are also very similar. But I’m sad, because I find my daughter neglected. I fear you are in pain.

What do you think ?

Kiss

nora

Daronne’s answer

My little multicolored peacock,

Going back to Google, because that’s my mission, I came across an American study that found that no less than 42% of grandparents had a favorite grandchild. The nice thing when you get older is that often you don’t give a shit about anything anymore and you let yourself go completely to finally live the life you want to lead … And love who you are more. you want to love more.

In itself it is not necessarily very serious, it all depends on the context since there are the grandparents who manage their small quiet affinities and who do not make it a whole circus and then there are the badger grandparents who openly indulge their loved ones and fuck about the family.

In truth, it is normal to have your favorite

Preferences are like tastes and colors. Also, my color is pink and … wait, I don’t know what I meant. OH YES ! THEREFORE ! Preferences are like tastes and colors, you can’t really argue. In any case, it cannot be controlled. Sometimes you have large hooked atoms and sometimes the relationship is cordial and benevolent without triggering fireworks, and that’s not serious.

There are many reasons why a relationship between one ancestor and its descendants works better than another: geographic proximity, common tastes, stories that bring people together, cultural sources, unconscious mechanisms, and other somewhat odd projections. Some preferences are also based on physical appearance, although fortunately according to the study that I pulled you out from behind my bundles, rare are the elderly who prefer one nephew over the other for purely aesthetic reasons. . And if so, I urge the parent of said child to take some distance. That’s two minutes of shit.

There are still limits to favoritism

There is prefer e prefer. Finally no, when we prefer we prefer, but there is a way to do it, do you finally understand what I mean? Okay, because I’m not at all, I swear, today I’m confused. SHORT ! What my many readings have allowed me to see is that having a loved one happens often, but it becomes really problematic when preference (this word recurs a lot in this post, don’t you think?) Is shown without complex, with contempt for other children. Unfortunately, some toxic relatives don’t hesitate to push and belittle the rest of the family by using and abusing comparisons that hurt everyone.

I take this opportunity to remind grandparents who will read to me that your overly alleged favoritism can cause a hellish quarrel. Between those who are adored and who may feel guilty, or indeed take a little too much trust (often both) and those who will suffer and blame him to death, no one ever comes out victorious from these family sacks.

What should I do to protect my child?

The first thing to do is talk to your mother to tell her about your findings. Sure, she might pretend she doesn’t understand what you’re talking about. If people had confessed when they were caught red-handed, I would have been unemployed a long time ago. That shouldn’t stop the idea from making its way into grandma’s brain, which is likely to be more discreet in the future.

At the same time, when children are old enough to understand the pros and cons of this type of situation, we can explain to them that sometimes relationships are more easily formed with certain people than with others, but nothing personal.

You can also use this event to reveal THE secret of adults to your daughter: adults constantly do and think nonsense. A potential rejection says more about the person rejecting than the person being rejected.

If dialogue is impossible and the ancestor turns his back and continues to favor one over the other, I authorize you to take some distance to preserve your child. We parents are still there to protect them from injustice and to defend them when they need it. Although Grandpa’s and Grandma’s favorite is also our favorite. But shh, you don’t have to say that.

Come on, I’ll leave you, I prefer to stop there for today.

bisetta,

Your daronne

Photo credit image of one: FatCamera