Kiri addiction and bloating in abundance: the first trimester of pregnancy and its strange effects

October 18, 2019

Since the beginning of the school year, my uterus has had a resident. A fetus that still takes up little space, but which is already changing many things in my head and body.

Beyond the classic pregnancy symptoms you’ve probably heard of (extreme fatigue and nausea), I was surprised to find that weird things were going on inside of me. And I decided to share them with you.

1 – Being pregnant and developing strange food obsessions

I’ve always had a bit of an obsessive phase with food. I’m the kind of person who discovers avocado at 25 (better late than never) and then spends 6 months eating guacamole.

But since pregnancy the phenomenon has increased and the obsessions are linked together at a constant rate. Blueberries, kiri, pasta shells with ketchup and grated carrots: my diet so far is eclectic and – vaguely – balanced.

It was above all the kiri shot that surprised me. It had been at least ten years since I had tasted these squares of cheese and all of a sudden, around 5pm on Sunday, it became VITAL importance that I got them by all means. And let me tell you that kiris dealers don’t run the streets …

I, who kindly made fun of the cliché of the wishes of pregnant women, was well understood.

Also, hypoglycemia is now driving me crazy. A moving thought for this colleague that she kindly tried to tax me with kiris (the tenth box at least since the beginning of pregnancy) and she took her teeth with a very hostile cry from the heart: “NO, I NEED!”

2 – Being pregnant and visibly changing shape

So, scoop, it seems that pregnant belly grows to make room for a being of about 3 kilos, its placenta, its umbilical cord and all its accessories.

But what I didn’t know, news that I am, is that at the beginning of pregnancy the belly changes size… in the course of a day. I hallucinate seeing my huge belly every night in the mirror (from my point of view I’m still hiding for the rest of the events) and then in the morning I realize it’s almost completely deflated.

Eventually I realized it wasn’t Gizmo playing hide and seek in my belly (yes, that’s the code name of my uterus tenant), but much more prosaically, ahem, blocked gas.

Yes, those who say that pregnancy often say that transit is slower than the ring road during rush hour (don’t thank me for the photo). Suddenly, my intestines swell and it shows. The class.

3 – Pregnancy and its overflow of emotions

Emotionally, I’m more on the spongy side of strength. I absorb and I am wet (in tears). But then, with the pregnancy, we went straight to the big nonsense.

Sometimes I find myself crying WITHOUT REASON, then laughing because it’s still too funny for a situation, then crying a little more in doubt, all in the space of a few seconds.

I don’t know if it was you who touched the Widget settings, but thanks for stopping by, it’s already painful enough in normal times to be a working adult.

4 – Being pregnant and experiencing great moments of solitude

If I got into the habit of touching my stomach early (so swollen, see above), I have a little trouble projecting myself back into this pregnancy. I am very happy, but it is still something that is not concrete at all. And sometimes I expect someone to come and tell me, “AHAHAH, it was a hidden camera, you’re not pregnant at all.”

The first ultrasound helped me visualize a little more (uh, sorry Bidule), and I decided to try to bond more with this human being in training. So I tried to talk to him.

Well, at three months pregnant, I’m not sure if the ear canals and nerves are fully functional, but I told myself it would still give me some practice for the future.

Except the first time I tried to talk to Bidule, I felt very helpless. I felt very very very stupid talking out loud to myself in my apartment (without a witness, I had it planned).

Selected extract:

“Hi Bidule, so uh, it’s me talking to you, uh finally your mother what, finally your future mother, finally the person who owns the thing you’re currently immersed in …”

In short, I think I’m really bad talking to a fetus.

And you, did you have any funny surprises during your pregnancy? Come and talk about it in the comments.

Photo credit: Still from the movie Mamma Mia! Here we go again