I’m a godmother and I’m tired of babysitting my goddaughter

The question for Daronne

My friends have decided to have a child and to name me godmother. Except that children are not my thing already, but they also ask me to take care of them several evenings a month and even entire weekends! I just don’t see how to say no to them without getting offended (the godfather, of course, is not worried, just like our other friends …)

Thanks for your advice,

Elodie

Daronne’s answer

My little dandelion,

I often tell myself that if humans communicated clearly before undertaking anything, there would be no more conflicts on earth. Although inevitably, I would lose my job. But then I would have succeeded in my mission, so you see between the two, my heart swings.

However, just for how you talk about your friends’ desire to reproduce, I don’t know, I don’t think the role of godmother is right for you and in my opinion it is still possible to get you out of there, at least in part.

Will it be simple? No. Will it be done without risking confusion? Not anymore. Are you going to piss them off? Yes, probably.

But I want to tell you that the tone of your letter makes me think that in any case there is nothing more to lose and everything to save. We see.

Godfather, godmother, what does it mean in 2022?

Historically, the godmother and godfather are the designated surrogate parents in case the real ones die. Maybe with all that babysitting, your friends are preparing you for their eventual death? Many romantic comedies begin like this: the grumpy godmother finds herself a mother and does everything, but she ends up worshiping her life as a foster woman, finding love and opening her own Cupcakes bakery …

I’m not saying it can make you want, but so many changes, it’s still a lot for a single woman, especially if this single woman he had a life that suited him perfectly before.

It is therefore a good time to remind them that in 2022 the godmother should no longer hold the role of surrogate mother, much less babysit several times a month. Some sponsors do, others don’t. I myself am godmother several times (and I hope not everyone wants to die at the same time, otherwise I won’t tell you about the circus at my house) and I’ve never been hired for assigned babysitting although I gladly helped. But what do you want, it’s me, I sweat generosity, it’s in my nature.

Talking first is better than letting go for life afterwards

As a person who cannot refuse anything, but who still knows how to force himself to do things he does not want, I tell you one thing: not to dare to face a problem with a loved one for fear of upsetting him, it is a bad calculation. Unless you can give your best poker face until the end of your life. And believe me, a life can last for decades. This makes weekends bang your goddaughter Camélia-Pétunia and her descendants after her, because once you can’t say no clearly, you’re screwed.

Since you’re asking my humble opinion, it’s better to upset someone quite a bit than let a situation rot for centuries. It may hurt at the moment, but digestion is easier and it is also possible to start healthy again a little later.

You can’t save a friendship from years of mutual frustration, but you can save it after an argument. So go ahead, talk, turn down the perpetual babysitting service. Involve friends. Ask them to offer their help. Summon the village. Tell the parents that you love them but that you also have a life. She asks that the rules of the godmother be redefined.

There is still time to take a step back

We tell ourselves that this godfather / godmother story is gnangnan folklore, who cares, but even among atheists the topic is hot, we can’t imagine. Crystallize these things oh my! And if a parent appoints you it is because he expects you to provide a minimum, even if this minimum, fortunately, does not always involve babysitting in the eyes ad vitam aeternam!

And sometimes, this role is too heavy to bear for lives and friendships made and broken with the wind. So before the bitterness fills the hearts of these young parents for your indifference, do not hesitate to put an end to this little farce.

You have three choices: you can ask to remain a godmother without being taken for the nanny on duty, leave the godmother (don’t forget: you are already worshiped, so you have nothing left to lose), or the third option, because I love to finish mine letters with a stupid option for which everyone strongly criticizes me: you can also ghost your friends and systematically indicate absent subscribers when they need you. The message should eventually come. Plus, this is the simplest option, even though it guarantees you will lose your friends, hurt them a lot, and in the meantime hurt yourself too. But what do you want, we have nothing for nothing in life.

I leave you, I have to order Pokémon cards for my godson.

The bisetta

Your Daronne

Photo credit of one: Raamin Ka / Unsplash