Article published in September 2021
Before having children, if you had to utter somewhat strange phrases, it is probably that you had abused the litron. While today, since you switched to the parenting side of the Force, strange phrases are your daily life.
Some, once contextualized, have a meaning and an explanation, others will remain great mysteries of the universe. A bit like the Loch Ness monster, the Yeti or the love of Brussels sprouts.
We have compiled ours and we really hope you will share yours in the comments!
These strange phrases that we parents say without batting an eye
Attention, here is a small anthology, accumulated for more than four years on my part, and for more than a year for Clémence. Are you ready ?
- “There’s a chicken on the nightstand”
So rest assured, no chickens were harmed to make this article. It is simply an element of the dinette, which the child enjoys chewing and then leaves almost everywhere.
- “Tdo you know where the dromedary went? “
Here too the real dromedaries are left alone. On the other hand, my daughter decided to adopt a baleful looking plush dromedary as a quilt. It’s been crazy love for the past few months and we spend a lot of time looking for that dromedary every night before we go to sleep.
- “Stop picking my nose”
Before I had kids, I was sure I was going to say the classic “stop picking your nose,” but I didn’t think I had to ask my child to stop picking my nose. It’s crazy how children are fascinated by faces and seem eager to run PCR tests on the fly.
- “No, let’s not chew daddy’s flip flops!” “
What do babies and puppies have in common? Their boundless love for soles. Seriously, we need to hide our shoes to avoid chewing prematurely.
- “I have more space on my arms for your tattoos”
Because my daughter thinks she is Picasso and my arms are her canvases. If you’ve been following our special Daronne live on Twitch, you might be able to see her latest work (she’s also available in replay!)
- “No, I don’t know where you left your panties”
I didn’t think I should ever leave looking for lost pantiesthe latter having also found refuge in the cat’s litter box, without further explanation.
- “The shoes are not on your head”
It seems logical to say it that way, but of course it was much less so for my daughter, still a little girl, who thought it was put on like a cap (preferably when they were boots full of mud, otherwise it’s not fun).
- “The potty is not a pool for your Barbies”
And even less when the latter is not yet emptied.
- “Show me your poop”
Followed by comments on said poop, whether it’s nice (?), Or not.
- “Can you stop sniffing my feet?” “
Another commonality between children and dogs, let’s put it this way, is starting to go a long way.
- “Your navel is beautiful”
Because I did it, this navel. Yes, I am very proud of it.
- “No beer for you at the aperitif!” “
What followed was a severe nervous breakdown for my daughter, who found it totally unfair to have to drink only apple juice.
- “Did you feel his ass?” “
Question asked several times a day to the father, in complete relaxation.
- “Have you lost your rabbit again?” “
The rabbit is obviously a stuffed animal. If we had a real rabbit, we wouldn’t lose it (though).
- “Here, spit in my hand”
If someone had told me, before I had children, that my hands would be the receptacle for countless bodily fluids, including vomit, I would have thought twice.
- “No, no one felt in the buttocks”
Picasso, the return. But weird version.
- “Did he burp or throw up?” “
Because the sound is a bit the same, but the result is clearly not the same.
- “Yes, I swear, there is alcohol in these sweets”
And hop, a little lie neither seen nor known, not to admit that I will eat everything.
- “Wolves don’t live in Paris, it’s too expensive for them”
Sad reality for wolves who are forced to live only in the dark forests of snow-capped mountains, because the price of Parisian real estate is way too high. Hidalgo resigns!
- “Unfortunately Disneyland is closed on Sundays”
And hop, the second little lie slipped by without any guilt, why not, I don’t want to hit Mickey Mouse in the middle of a hangover.
- “If I swear to you, there is alcohol in these Kinder”
The same as with sweets. Am I the worst mother? Probably yes.
- “Of course there is no witch behind your curtains”
He prefers wardrobes.
- “Stop tearing my nipples with your gums”
This sentence has absolutely no sexual notion, proving that my breasts have another, much more primary (and painful) function.
- “It’s still wrinkled, but soon it will be pink and smooth”
So let’s calm down, you have a bad mind. Of course I was talking about my daughter’s head at her birth, right after she was thrown out of my womb.
- “It’s your turn to poop” / “How much poop are you doing today?” “
Yes, in real life, all parents count points.
- “Stop spitting your peas”
They are not ammunition.
- “Stop eating the cat”
Without comment, imagine the scene.
- “Frankly, 3.7 kg, it goes by itself”
She tells her friend that she will soon give birth and that she is freaking out.
- “I have to re-educate my perineum”
He clearly lacks education, this little asshole.
- “How many liters of earth ingested should we worry? “
When it comes out of the nose, does it count?
We can’t wait, we can’t wait to read yours.
Picture credit of a: film “A happy event”
Source: Madmoizelle
Lloyd Grunewald is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. He is a talented writer who focuses on bringing the latest entertainment-related news to his readers. With a deep understanding of the entertainment industry and a passion for writing, Lloyd delivers engaging articles that keep his readers informed and entertained.
