5 good and less good birth surprises to know before the “PUSH MADAME!” “

Posted August 29, 2021

Before giving birth, I felt well informed on the matter. I had listened to podcasts, read books, took birth preparation courses, and watched documentaries Explosion of births.

I knew the physiological course of childbirth, the different complications that could occur, the positions that could be taken to relieve pain during contractions or to push. But despite all this knowledge, I was very surprised by some aspects of the birth, even if mine was very classic. So I decided to share them with you in case it helps you one day, although obviously every birth is different …

1) We don’t necessarily feel a wave of love

In the collective imagination, as soon as the baby comes out, there is a great torrent of emotion in tears and new parents are supposed to immediately feel crazy love for this clingy little being they just met.

So, it probably happens to some people (and so much the better for them!), But the wave of maternal love, well, it’s like antibiotics… it’s not automatic. And it is not surprising when you think about the long journey that the pregnant women have just made, the pain and fatigue they experienced.

Sometimes, at the moment of birth, we mostly feel relief that it’s over, and it’s not bad. Attachment and love will come later, in the hours, days or weeks that follow. If when you see your newborn you think he is very wrinkled and his skull has a funny egg shape (he’ll come back, don’t panic), that doesn’t make you a bad mother.

2) You can get very bored in the delivery room

I wrote in my birth plan that I wanted to try to do without the epidural for as long as possible. So I imagined childbirth as a succession of quite intense hours, in which I moved, breathed, (screams?) To manage the pain of the contractions.

And besides, my birth did not go as planned at all … I started by breaking the water sac without contractions, the amniotic fluid was colored, a potential sign of fetal distress (yes, my baby defecated in my uterus), and monitoring at the maternity ward showed a slowing of the heart rate.

The situation was not critical, but it required continuous monitoring: I would therefore have to stay in bed with the monitor sensors on my stomach until delivery. In these conditions, it is difficult to manage the pain of the contractions (which eventually came to the females), so I was asked to have an epidural immediately.

Once the epidural was in place (a much less impressive time than I thought), the rest of the delivery was a very long, not-so-uncomfortable night. With my boyfriend we talked, dozed off, watched some series and generally got pretty bored as we waited for our daughter to decide to point the tip of her nose like a trumpet. So, just in case, don’t forget to bring your laptop charger. Especially for a first birth.

3) You can also feel a sense of incredible power

After this long wait, when my daughter started engaging in my pelvis and it was time to push, I entered a form of trance (or flow?) That I never thought I’d try someday. I was extremely focused and full of insane energy, even though it was 5am and I had just had a sleepless night.

Was it my body and brain that felt the importance of the moment and gave it their all? Or is it the encouragement of the midwife turned into cheerleader who brought me?

Probably a little of both, but since then I often think back to her telling me “What you are doing is great! “ when I need a boost.

In any case, during these twenty minutes of pushing, I felt super strong and powerful. And when my daughter came out and they put her on my stomach, I was super proud of myself. And these aren’t necessarily sensations I expected to experience in the delivery room.

4) Hi, do you want to see my placenta?

After birth, when you think you’ve done the hardest part and have a warm, slimy baby on your chest (at most), you need to push again to let the placenta out.

I, at that moment, was already somewhere else, so I did what I was asked, but I didn’t pay attention to the rest of the operations. And now I regret it a little. It was the first time (and possibly the last) that I had the opportunity to see a real placenta! (Scientific curiosity all this).

I had been wearing this thing for nine months and no one thought to show it to me. Not even my boyfriend who saw the trick and then described it to me as “a big steak or rather a veal liver”. So, you have been warned, if you want to examine your placenta after birth, you will probably have to ask.

5) Who cut the onions ?!

I’m a bit emotional, so I expected to cry right after my daughter was born. Well guess what, that was one of the rare times I didn’t cry. On the other hand, the rest of the stay in the maternity ward was very humid, but there were no tears of sadness, pain or joy.

Rather tears of vulnerability. I had given birth to another human being. She was so beautiful and so fragile at the same time, and I was responsible for her. The thought was dizzying and I’m not going to lie to you, sixteen months later, she still is.

Either that or someone was hiding in the corner of the room chopping onions.

PS: Postpartum has also had its share of surprises for me, but I refer you to Virginie’s excellent article on the reality of postpartum for more.

And you, what were the surprises of your delivery?

Photo credit: Still from the movie Midwife / assigned