I love it … but live together? Never! Find out why

10 October 2019

At the age of 23, I met a man, with whom I experienced a fusional love. We settled almost in the month in which we knew each other.

Three years later, we bought our apartment, a small nest that I loved with love and we decided to get married. We were on the highway of “standard” life, so to speak. Only the child was missing, but I was coming out some of the paw, having never been very worn about children, to the displeasure of my friends in the pain of the babysitter.

I want to clarify that I do not despise this classic life chosen by many of us. But I heard that something was wrong with me, and qThe inner voice shouted my dissatisfaction for me.

Live in pairs and share household chores

Initially, the sharing of household chores was quite balanced. He is a maniac and duplicio, so he spent time to preserve and clean up and prompted me to make efforts on this plane, which I was doing while he is reluctant. On the other hand, I managed the management and administrative scrafons, which I hate above all but which emphasizes me when it is hung on the buffet.

The fusional love that connected us ha Ended up being suffocated by everyday life, And in particular from his work that literally swells him. He retired and began to have very difficult words towards me.

I managed everything at home and it was never enough for him, where he made unpleasant comments on my body. I don’t feel more comfortable, neither at home nor in my body.

Gradually, I took stock: I was better when he wasn’t at home. During the few hours between my return from work and his, I loved the moments I spent at home. I like silence, I put myself on my sofa or in my garden, I gratic the cat with a tea or a fruit juice and browsed a book.

The cliché, I know, but it was reality and I often closed my eyes for some moments to enjoy the moment. I was relaxed, less vigilant. Then, when I heard his key to turning in the lock, he told me my mind “My old man is the end of the break!” »» »My body extended and I resigned myself to leaving him the place that seemed to return to the right.

Live in pairs and have difficulty finding your place

He arrived, he put the chain he liked on television without asking me my opinion, he wanted to eat, but not vegetables, so I cooked the pasta more often (then he reproached me for gaining weight, oh irony …). Formulated in that way, I know I seem to let me go standing, but he guided him so much at the job that I wanted him to feel good when I went home.

He occupied a lot of space without realizing it. But it was also with him, I was not allowed to reproach him.

When he was there, I was careful to always be a little cute, don’t “let go”. Without going to the point of walking with the heel of 12 and caliber vector every Sunday, I always had a dress, a light makeup, I avoided flutting the legs on the sofa to scratch my belly.

We finally left. And in the complaints selected against me, I reproached me in particular for my cotton panties “Who does not [le] has no bandage “The fact that I am not always triggered and that sometimes my hair has left something to desire. Listening to these words, in view of the efforts I made, I said to myself: “All this for that?” ».

Live alone and savor your freedom

So I left, my cat under my arm, I settled in Paris. I was incredible luck in finding a large apartment for which I had a crush. And then I liked it …I only liked having to take care of me. Take the shopping that I liked and not having to eat according to another. I liked to create an interior decoration in my image, without the need for the validation of another.

I liked being able to go home and enter a bad pajamas to look at a series without being afraid of the judgment. I liked the silence that I could establish at home after the frenzy of an intense day.

I liked being able to spend my money as I heard it without being afraid that my purchases are criticized. I liked being able to go out to the time without having an account to be returned.

I liked being able to put the disorder at home for several days and then make a great cleaning and be satisfied with me. In short, I liked being a key again in my life. I was me, finally.

A new love story …

And then I met another man. He only had to be a sexual level among others, in the end he sculpted a place in my life while sweeping others with disconcerting ease. His name is Julien.

With him, I can speak until the end of the night, discuss all the subjects who are close to my heart. It is attentive, careful. But… But Julien is very messy, it takes 6 months to call a plumber Where I would have called one urgently.

For him, the filing of his large home (compared to Parisian standards) is an abstract art, the family is delegated to others of him, the breeds are also optional for the essential goods.

One day he told me he wanted to live with me. Panic movement, my lights started flashing: how? For that? So quickly, will I have to leave my paradise to return to the rails of this life that I finally had hatred?

I briefly planned to live my life with him. Shop for two, cleaning for two (even if she has a cleaning woman, the fact remains that there is a “newspaper” to ensure a minimum). Think about everything. The mental load would have been perfectly illustrated in our couple.

But I want to specify that this is and above all a difference in the tolerance threshold. I, disturbs me that the dishes dragged more than a day, that there was no toilet paper for 3 days, that the suitcase for the holidays two months ago has not yet been defeated. But not him.

So what? He is at home, he can do what he wants. If my tolerance is smaller than his on these details, I force myself to stop taking the command and I let him go. His apartment, his problem. Well, I admit that sometimes I will buy toilet paper, however.

Everyone at home and love will be well kept

Also we do not have the same rhythm as life. It is excessive, it consumes a lot of alcohol, it does not always eat healthy. Talk all the time. All. THE. Time. It is impossible to make a fat with him, barely raise a eyelid of an uninterrupted flow of words, visibly contained for several hours, falls on me.

Yet despite all this, sometimes also thanks to all this, I love it. I like our infinite debates, I like that it insisted on participation in feminist events, I like it when we walk for a long time for Paris and that makes me discover many neighborhoods that I don’t know. I like our little restaurants, the exhibitions we do together, the glasses we drink on the terrace with our friends. It is absolutely unique.

But… I like to live alone. And my balance depends on this.

I like that I miss you. I like that you choose to see us. Sometimes I don’t really want, I want to put myself in my bubble. I want to enter my little paradise just for me, who does not suffer from any compromise and that is totally. So I tell him and he understands it. More rarely, it is he who claims me a free evening, who willingly grant him. Be reluctant? Very little for us!

So, I decided not to make a concession And don’t be satisfied with him. I told him, and he understood it.

Approach each other but without living in pairs

Generally see you three or four times a week. But this time I spent together, we chose it and savoring it. I am a guest at home, so even if I do dishes or some races, it’s because it is my choice. He is a guest at home. Whenever we see you, it’s a small party.

The next step will not be to live together, but I intend to find another nest next to his home to facilitate our relationship. Neither more nor less.

On the other hand, my cat (I should rather say “our cat”) has already taken the residence at home for several months and does not complain, on the contrary. What I see how a disaster is an infinite playground for him.

I listened to my inner voice that told me that I was not in my place in a “row” life of a couple. A new inner voice appeared that is worried about me, because I don’t enter the boxes and sometimes I am afraid of ending up alone. But that voice is only a whisper that I can appease with the happiness I hear today and that does not seem to stop.

If I don’t give up my paradise, it’s better as Julien. If I remain selfish, it is to give it more. And … it works.